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[RELEASE} Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth Hacker's Memory Complete Definitive Edition
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<blockquote data-quote="Wieurhel" data-source="post: 9990620" data-attributes="member: 342453"><p>1: "I couldn't do anything for Shiga" implies that Yuu wanted to do something to help him (Shiga is a bad guy), so saying "I couldn't do anything about Shiga" sounds better to me.</p><p>2: This reply doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Rewriting it to something like "He was so happy that he cried? I'm glad he liked it." would be a bit better.</p><p>3: "Why're you looking like that" should be "Why're you looking at me like that".</p><p>4: "These are are" should be "These are".</p><p>5: "Who could i have i" should be "Who could i have".</p><p>6: Those forward slashes probably shouldn't be there.</p><p>7: "You're" should be "Your".</p><p>8: Would look way better as 2 lines.</p><p>9: This should be changed to "So, you went and defeated Hosaka without telling us".</p><p>10: "Girl" should be "Child" (Referring to the CS Protagonist here).</p><p>11: Missing space in "Were Garurumon".</p><p>12: Missing the R in "Responsible".</p><p>14: Same as 11.</p><p>15: "I can hear it, can't you?!" sounds a bit weird to me. But I can't think of a better replacement than "Can you hear that?!"...</p><p>16: This should be changed to "You've done a case like this before?" or "You said/say you've done a case like this before?".</p><p>17: Should work as 2 lines.</p><p>18: Second line is out of alignment.</p><p>19: In every other case, it's been "Mentaiko", but here it's "Pollock roe".</p><p>20: "Kidnapped by hackers" should be either "I got kidnapped by hackers" or "Got kidnapped by hackers".</p><p>21: "What did you go fix me" should be either "Why did you go and fix me" or "What did you fix me for".</p><p>22: "Can you try it again" should be "Can I try it again"</p><p>23: "Maybe you could try" should be "Maybe I could try".</p><p>24: In this context, I feel like "Starting over" would fit better than "Start over".</p><p>25: "That" should be "That's".</p><p>26: "Teen" should be "Ten" (or 10).</p><p>27: Missing punctuation.</p><p>28: Missing a U in "Ryuuji"</p><p>29: "You're" should be "She's", since he's talking to the player about Nokia.</p><p>30: Should be a comma after "Housework" (assuming it fits well).</p><p>31: "Must be up plenty" should be "Must be plenty".</p><p>33: "You want you want" should be "You want".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wieurhel, post: 9990620, member: 342453"] 1: "I couldn't do anything for Shiga" implies that Yuu wanted to do something to help him (Shiga is a bad guy), so saying "I couldn't do anything about Shiga" sounds better to me. 2: This reply doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Rewriting it to something like "He was so happy that he cried? I'm glad he liked it." would be a bit better. 3: "Why're you looking like that" should be "Why're you looking at me like that". 4: "These are are" should be "These are". 5: "Who could i have i" should be "Who could i have". 6: Those forward slashes probably shouldn't be there. 7: "You're" should be "Your". 8: Would look way better as 2 lines. 9: This should be changed to "So, you went and defeated Hosaka without telling us". 10: "Girl" should be "Child" (Referring to the CS Protagonist here). 11: Missing space in "Were Garurumon". 12: Missing the R in "Responsible". 14: Same as 11. 15: "I can hear it, can't you?!" sounds a bit weird to me. But I can't think of a better replacement than "Can you hear that?!"... 16: This should be changed to "You've done a case like this before?" or "You said/say you've done a case like this before?". 17: Should work as 2 lines. 18: Second line is out of alignment. 19: In every other case, it's been "Mentaiko", but here it's "Pollock roe". 20: "Kidnapped by hackers" should be either "I got kidnapped by hackers" or "Got kidnapped by hackers". 21: "What did you go fix me" should be either "Why did you go and fix me" or "What did you fix me for". 22: "Can you try it again" should be "Can I try it again" 23: "Maybe you could try" should be "Maybe I could try". 24: In this context, I feel like "Starting over" would fit better than "Start over". 25: "That" should be "That's". 26: "Teen" should be "Ten" (or 10). 27: Missing punctuation. 28: Missing a U in "Ryuuji" 29: "You're" should be "She's", since he's talking to the player about Nokia. 30: Should be a comma after "Housework" (assuming it fits well). 31: "Must be up plenty" should be "Must be plenty". 33: "You want you want" should be "You want". [/QUOTE]
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