I had my heart broken

I need to get this off my chest.

A long story short, this guy I fell in love with broke off all the contact with me about 3 months ago. I'm pretty sure I was blocked on Skype at first, but it was only a few days ago that he actually deleted me off his Skype. I know it's not the best idea to fall for someone over the internet, but he was super nice all the time, and treated me a lot better than any other guy I've ever known. I've known him for a bit over 3 years, first as a fan of his LPs on YouTube, and about a year and a half ago he asked me to get Skype so I could possibly do commentary with him. We ended up falling in love, but then he suddenly dissappears, and I haven't heard a word from him since. I've tried messaging him on YouTube, and asked a common contact on Skype if he knows what's happened to him, and he told me he's online, while for me he appeared as offline. He has never said anything mean to me, in fact his last words were "it's okay to need someone, and I'm glad you came to me" (I was sick and had seen a nighmare that had gotten me upset).

A part of me can't let go of him, and wants to believe that there's some reason he can't talk to me now, but will eventually come back. Another part of me is telling me he's been lying to me the whole time, that he wanted to break me. And there's some parts in between those two too.

I've done all I can to get him to talk to me, to tell me why he would do this to me. But I just get ignored. Does anyone have any tips to how to get over him? He was my first love so I don't know what to do. Or should I keep waiting for him to come back? All I know is that he's killing me by doing this.
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Y
Never depend on the love of others, people change at the drop of a hat, maybe he found someone else and is too guilty and cowardly to confront you. It's unfortunate but a face to face relationship is far more tangible.
 
Hells Malice
A part of me can't let go of him, and wants to believe that there's some reason he can't talk to me now, but will eventually come back. Another part of me is telling me he's been lying to me the whole time, that he wanted to break me. And there's some parts in between those two too.
Click to expand...

Based on the small snippet of your situation, i'd say it's more along the lines of: He may have been lying to you, so much so that the stronger his feelings got, the worse he felt about doing it. Perhaps choosing the cowards way out, instead of admitting it, he simply cut contact with you.
I say that because the -exact same thing- happened to me. Though I actually found out what she had been lying about...and it was trivial crap I could have shrugged off. People can be pretty stupid sometimes.
Without knowing more, that's obviously just a pretty wild guess.

As hard as it is, you'll have to move on. There isn't any real way to just "get over" him. It's going to hurt. Distracting yourself with a hobby is a good way to cope. I always play visual novels when i'm sad. Gaming/reading books are good ideas since you can get immersed in them fairly easy. Otherwise, hanging out with friends to take your mind off of him is a good idea as well, mind you i've never done it, buut that's what I hear. (/antisocial).
EDIT: and I forgot to mention, I wouldn't wait for him. This was...his decision. If he's fighting this hard to cut all contact with you, there's something up. Whether trivial, stupid, or valid, he made his choice, and he foolishly made it without you.

Talking about it in general is a good plan. If you have a friend you can confide in, talkin' is always a good thing. This blog is probably a valid 'first step' as well.
Haven't actively done it for a while, but I used to counsel a fair number of people, so if you want to talk you can shoot me a PM.
 
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Skelletonike
I agree with what Hell said, a lot of guys I've met online enjoy toying with girls feelings like that, they're usually scum and trash, although I know that badmouthing the guy you like doesn't help. Personally, I've done that before to a girl, in my case I actually liked that girl, however I realised that online stuff isn't easy, and to top it off, I was still a kid (roughly 17), although we liked eachother, I felt bad about chaining her online and just left her life, probably made her end up hating me but it was for the best. Guys that for whatever reason just stop talking to a girl they supposedly said they like, are trash (including me). Of course, he might have some actual reasoning for his doings and you never now the best thing you can do is like distract yourself like Hell also said, although I also recommend physical exercise, negative feelings are better spent when sweating, perhaps jogging or some similar sport.
 
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Clarky
the best revenge is living well. life won't end because you met an arsehole and if this is as bad as it feel to you now life and love will only get better in the future. time will only heal you for now
 
Par39
Thanks for all the comments so far, didn't think I'd actually get any.

About the distracting self part, I've been trying to do that for a month or so, but the stupidest things remind me of him... so far everything I've done has eventually made me think of him, even if it's just "I want to tell him about this awesome thing I saw/read/played". I've tried thinking that no friend would do this to their friends, but then I remember all our conversations where he's the nicest guy ever and end up thinking that there's a reason for this. I know it's a stupid thing to do, but he's just so hard to let go of. This is the first time my reasoning can't overcome my feelings. And it's scary.

EDIT: I don't know if this changes things at all, but until we started talking on Skype he though I was a guy due to having Marth as an avatar and non-feminine username.
 
Arnold Schwarzen
I've had a similar thing going on except I was the guy and she broke it off oh so recently after we knew each other like 2+ years. She was my first true love too. Moving on seems like a very difficulty concept to grasp but as time passes you will have the strength to do so. About that time I realized I'd rather her be happy with me not being involved than her not being happy together with me. Initially I felt like I have lost reason for living and some would even say the things I said sounded depressing, kinda suicidal (although someone like me would never go that far).

I feel that there's a lot more to life and that this is a new beginning for me. I'm going to take it slow, enjoy myself, and not look for someone. I'm sure the right person will come along when the time is right. Of course that doesn't exclude me from having fun and exploring other types of relationships. I may even be able to find that special someone by putting myself out there in the real world more. I've been too invested in my introverted lifestyle and have gotten what I feel is my first taste of an extroverted lifestyle. I can say it is new and exciting. I've never felt like I was living before and that a new chapter in life awaits.
 
Scott-105
All I can say is entertain yourself somehow. Something similar happened to me a couple years back. It is truly difficult to get over, but I know you can do it. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
 
rehevkor
Just don't trust people online, they're all fucking liars. If anything meet and fuck first, go from there. Gets most pretence out of the way.
 
Hells Malice
[quote name='rehevkor' timestamp='1343095122'] Just don't trust people online, they're all fucking liars. If anything meet and fuck first, go from there. Gets most pretence out of the way. [/quote]

Faith in humanity: -3
 
koimayeul
[quote name='yuyuyup' timestamp='1343058960'] Never depend on the love of others, people change at the drop of a hat, maybe he found someone else and is too guilty and cowardly to confront you. It's unfortunate but a face to face relationship is far more tangible. [/quote]

Quoted for truth!
 
Par39
I just wish he would have the courage to tell me it's actually over. Just knowing that would hopefully stop me from clinging onto the vain hope that he needs time to think things through. I don't want to hurt him accidentally, and that's why I can't really move on. I know the facts suggest he doesn't want to see me anymore, but heart can be so stupid at times.
 
Janthran
[quote name='rehevkor' timestamp='1343095122'] Just don't trust people online, they're all fucking liars. If anything meet and fuck first, go from there. Gets most pretence out of the way. [/quote]
I don't believe you
internet fag
 
Par39
I just want to say to everyone who has given me advice or said something nice, it really means a lot to me. I was expecting more of a negative response, seeing this is just one more "a guy broke my heart" thing on the internet. I've been lurking around for quite a while, and seen that 'temp has lots of nice people. Still I was scared to post this blog.
 
Edgedancer
Those types of relationships/feelings can be difficult as there is so much unknown that it is easy to fill the missing pieces with your idealistic perception. That said, it is always hard when someone withdraws contact with no apparent reason at all, not only in a romantic sense. It can leave you with a sense of unknowing and while its unknown, there is a slim chance that it can be revived which you will cling onto desperately.
What I want to say though, is that there are guys that will treat you as good if not better. It wont be very hard because while you are communicating through a computer screen, its easy to sound great but not actually mean in. Genuinely nice and sweet guys do exist. I know because I am one of them.
Its hard to guy give up and move on, but I have done that before and I am now in a strong relationship with an amazing girl. You will meet someone that will totally blow that guy out of the water with genuine care and affection.
 
Par39
Right now, all I want is to know he won't hate me if I choose to move on, that he won't feel like I've abandoned him should he choose to return. Just thinking that I might cause him pain kills me more than clinging onto him, no matter how in vain it seems.
 
Edgedancer
Unfortunately, that is outside of your control. Also, what makes him so much goddamn better and more entitled to feel fine? He hasn't extended the same courtesy to you, and although I can understand wanting to do the right thing, it must come to a point where you have to be the bigger person. Think about it this way, are you doing him any favours by clinging on so much? He knows you care. That much is obvious. Unfortunately, its entirely possible that he is interested in something more substantial that a relationship over the internet. I have been on the recieving end of this just recently, where someone was deeply infatuated with me and I had no interest at all, though I didnt ever actually flirt or anything. If I am being honest, its stressful and horrible to feel guilt like that but eventually it just turned into anger and frustration when it would steep into my relationship with my girlfriend. From the guys perspective, I wouldn't want that for anyone because you feel horrible to tell someone flat out that there is nothing there.
At this point, you are only causing yourself more anguish by pursuing him. Try to move on. I know that its hard to keep someone from lingering in yours thoughts but its something that dulls with time.
This is a question I havent seen answered so far in the topic but forgive me if its obvious, but how long has it been since contact?
 
Par39
He disappeared halfway through April, popped on Skype a week later, but because I didn't want to instantly jump him, I didn't have the chance to talk to him then.

He's the one who said "I love you" first, so I'm certain there was something there at some point atleast. A little before he dissappeared, he had broken up with a girlfriend he'd been with since before we started talking (and he developed feelings towards me while he was still dating her. I wasn't at any point asking to be more than friends with him. I just want him to be in my life). I don't know if that could have anything to do with this though.

I'm just the kind of person who bends over backwards for other people. I just... don't feel like I'm worthy of being happy if it could hurt someone else.
 
Edgedancer
So basically, what I am reading is that you place your self-worth in others opinions of you, because you have low self-esteem. I am like that to a degree. I will go out of my way to do a favour for people or help someone out but I have also learnt that you need to have some confidence in yourself otherwise you are going to be taken advantage of. Not saying its happened in this particular scenario but I will happen.
As for him breaking up with his girlfriend, have you considered that maybe he wants a physical relationship again? While words and video and such are nice, its a far cry from being with someone. As such, its easier to say stuff when there is a physical barrier between the two of you. He could also be the kind of guy that throws the word "love" around but I dunno. All I do know is that while something may have been there, you must acknowledge that there is just as much of a chance that it isnt anymore.
The first love is always the hardest to give up on. I understand that. But it is by no means your last.
If I may ask, and I hope this doesnt trivialise anything I am trying to say, but how old are you/how old was he? Cause its well known that guys at a young age (and often not so young) will not act rationally. I am not saying right or wrong, just unpredictable and dumb.
 
Par39
I turned 20 at the beginning of this month, and he's just few weeks older than me. He did say at some point that he doesn't want another online relationship anytime soon (he's in Austria, she in New York I think), but that shouldn't be a reason to cut me off completely. I know being naive and not having confidence will make some people take advantage of me, and being used as just "miss-know-it-all-who-helps-others-with-school-but-nobody-wants-to-spend-time-with-unless-there's-nobody-else" (EDIT: miss-know-it-all sounds nasty, but I can't think of any other way to put it in just a few words) through grades 1-6 is what has wrecked it, and I've never been able to recover from that.
From what I understand, he's not the kind to throw word "love" around. Pretty soon after we started talking, he said something like he has to be careful to not start to like me too much.
 
Edgedancer
Well he sounds a lot like me in regards to holding his tongue. I still remember mumbling "I love you" for the first time into my knees. Haha. Anyway, back to you. I was much the same in school, and it took until I was 19 or so to throw it off. I would help people but was notorious for being alone and secluded. Just the way you talk about yourself is showing shame and dislike for yourself. I am not criticising but just stating a fact. Unfortunately, I am all too knowing about this. Read my blog post from a few months ago. http://gbatemp.net/blog/178/entry-9283-been-a-long-time-since-i-have-blogged-about-my-girlfriend/ But you must come to the conclusion that you are actually not too bad. If you can't find anything worth loving in yourself, its hard for the other person if you are entirely reliant on them for feeling good.
This may sound harsh, but I am dont think I can really say much more since you are going to keep defending his actions, regardless of what anyone says. I am happy to talk with you about it more though, (I am kinda known for that haha) and i really do wish you the best in terms of moving on because you sound like you deserve a good turn.
 

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