I relapsed after 135 days.. on nofap

Well I relapsed after 135 days and feel like a complete failure. I feel shame, depressed, can not connect with my gf, feel like isolating and I can feel the urge in my sick head to go back and look at more h anime
yesterday I was in the house alone all day so I binges on h sites on social media, ( I have a block on at home but can get around it by going to social media).
I have been playing around with sub-porn for the last few days and then after an argument with my gf I said screw it it.
I really do not want to go back in to that dark world but I am worried that the dopamine and nuro-pathways I over loaded on yesterday will drag me back. In the past when I have relapsed it usually takes me a lot of pain or a complete break down with my wife before I make a effect to stop using porn. This sometime takes months.

Anyway I commit to stay clean just for today. Just for the next 12 hours.

Comments

LittleFlame
I was at a video store today and i say this dude in his mid 50s just browsing the porn section for 40 minutes straight, it was kinda sad
 
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The Real Jdbye
I don't see anything wrong with masturbating. Your girlfriend will not always be willing when you are so why is it wrong to get release when you need it?
 
LittleFlame
oh no it's more of a mass media outlet they've pretty much got everything concerning media it's a german store chain called Media Markt
 
jDSX
@The Real Jdbye because I am a compulsive wanker and was real bad off before and not afraid to admit it I get lonely when my gf goes off to work and then comes back only to go to sleep from the stress and not wanting the sex.
 
The Real Jdbye
@jDSX well, then, try to keep it to once a day, that's fine and healthy IMO. I fap less than once a day on average myself, but very rarely more than once in a single day.
 
jDSX
I tried to but I can't or rather it's pretty hard to, not rub one out even when I am bored out of my mind..
 
Seriel
Like I said in my first comment, find something else to do (preferably with zero relevance to anything sex related) to keep your mind off it
 
The Real Jdbye
Personally I rarely even feel like fapping more than once in a day, so I don't need to hold myself back, but I used to fap twice a day for a while when I was younger. Not that there's anything wrong with that either, just try to do it in private. If you fap on a regular basis at times or in locations where you're likely to be discovered it's not OK. What you do on your own in the privacy of your own bedroom (or hell, your own living room as long as no one else is home and you have the curtains closed) is your business. I don't see the issue here. You can fap as much as you need to, just don't do it in front of other people basically. It's good for your health anyway :)
 
Logan Pockrus
@The Real Jdbye
Yes, that is an issue you must face. At least if you wash your hands, they'll be a bit cleaner.
 
FAST6191
I agree, it is however an excuse to uncork my seemingly endless supply of relevant music videos and comedy videos




On hands smelling then is this not why we have nitrile gloves?
 
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