[Possible trigger warning...] Rare seriousness from yours truly. Need advice.

When you say "daydreaming about being dead" do you mean daydreaming about how your family would react when you died, or daydreaming about just not existing?

The best thing I can say is to pick up a hobby and love yourself. it is always more important to love yourself for who you are than to wonder how others feel about you.

@blujay literally both. Like about being dead, but I avoid how my family would feel because I wouldn't want to imagine them being hurt. We're not close, but yeah. But also daydreaming about not existing. Having all my troubles go away. And sometimes daydreaming about heaven (or a possible heaven, whatever exists after...) even if it's literally nothing, at least I daydream about the peace in non-existence.

Thanks man. I really appreciate the advise and the time you took to help me out.

/

@Vipera

Mmhmm. Didn't want anyone who had similar issues or anything like that to have an anxiety trigger because of this post.

Sometimes I think about how people would react if I'm dead. The last thing i want is someone forgetting me like I never existed.

Play a game. Watch an anime. Watch a show. Just do something. Don't just remain idle and move on my dude. Time will not wait for you. As you sober and breakdown, time will continue to move on. It doesn't care for you, so move along with time and don't stay behind. Because then, you will never be happy again and be trapped in this maze of depression. If no one saves you, you need to save yourself. And because of that, you need to love yourself because only you yourself can save yourself both mentally and physically at all time.

the above probably sounds cliche asf.

@Sonic Angel Knight Yeah that's a scary thought. IDK. Sometimes that thought gives me relief too though. It's weird. Sorry man. You're a good guy. Stay positive okay?

no problem. i feel really bad when people have problems like this, because all I want to do is help.

the last time i went through something like this was when my dad took up his second business (which is now my uncle's and employs me but whatever). i was 2 and until i was old enough to get a job there, he was always either at his day job or at the second business. my mom was going through menopause at the time, so she was hit or miss on attitude. i ended up buying myself a programming book and learning how to program. i learned to love myself through code, and then my parents died...

but enough about that, you deserve to love yourself.

@Pokem. Thanks man I appreciate it. I've been playing some Crash Bandicoot. Doing what I can to focus on something other than my thoughts, you know? I really appreciate the help and the input. It means the world.

You are all right. If you find it unbearable, it's a good moment to go to a psychiatrist. Don't believe the stigma and don't believe the people saying you don't need it. Only the psychiatrist will tell you if you really need it. And if you do, your life will get better c: good luck with everything.

I mean I don't want people to obsess over my death but least be shocked if I died or disappear like I mean something to someone. I don't wanna be in ghost spirit form with people like "Oh thank god he finally gone forever." I don't think I'm a bad person, I don't think I'm terrible, but I'm not perfect either, I just do what i feel is how i would do things, not always turn out well or bad. I least want "I wish i had some more time with him." I already get ignored enough in life and I try every day to make good impression, to make friends and share and be part of other people life, it just seem lot harder for me to manage.

@blujay Thanks so much man. I guess another thing is, I spent hundreds of dollars for a charity thing (not for a group, but for someeone I didn't know.) I have like... no money. I can barely affort rent as it is. I just want these people suffering to be happy. I don't expect anything in return, but sometimes I look back and think to myself, "Why don't I get something in return sometimes? Nothing monitary. But just happiness?"

I was hanging out with a girl and I bought a hotel room because she didn't want to stay at my place (I told her I don't care for sex. And she was okay with that because she was a virgin and she respected it...) I was doing it because she wanted to see me, and she'd be more comfortable at a hotel. Anyway, I started having feelings for her, and after paying a hundred dollars for a night's worth of stya, I get the "We can't talk anymore. Sorry." and pretty much shut me out and blocked me everywhere, after I paid that money for her. I know it sounds dumb, but it's just like... I don't have money, and I did that for her. I didn't get anything in return, just a "We won't work out. No explanation. Blocking you everywhere".

Really made me question what's wrong about ME.


I'm just ready to get the happiness I deserve when I literally give up so much of what I have to make others happy. I don't just get 'nothing', in return... I get screwed over in return.

Reading this made me relate in some ways. I went through a break up, it was my first one, or at the least the first relationship where I actually felt like I loved someone with all my heart. When we broke up, it was shattering, unfortunately for me, I had to be around my family, my family didn't know about my relationship as I wasn't very close with them anyway for a short period following the breakup I was around them, many will say that families can help, but I didn't want them to know. I had to hold it in, my pain, my feelings of how much I blew it and how much of a disappointment I was. It hurt. It was tearing me apart inside, the only time I could release was in the bathroom where I could have privacy to cry. To cry my feelings away. Release them. After my family wasn't around, I was mess, I let all my emotions out. Cried my self to sleep. When I wasn't crying I was feeding my mind toxic thoughts, of how horrible I was etc. Toxic thoughts that made me tempt suicide. The pain was unbearable. Like you, I felt hopeless, and I felt empty, horrible, and worse. It made me sick often. This was an on off cycle period spanning 9 months. Today, I'm better now. The pain isn't completely gone and sometimes I have episodes of crying where an endless stream of tears and toxic thoughts would consume me. If you haven't guessed, really the only way for me to get under control of my pain, was to just cry. I relied on my closest friends to talk to, and be there while I cried. (During this period my closest friends dog died, so we were both crying over skype a lot). But I mean if it helps, I guess taking an hour or two just to cry, get those feelings out. Write them down if you have to get them out. But one thing is for sure, it'll hurt more, the more you cover the pain. Pain can last a long time. But for me, if I got it out. It made me at least feel like, life is live able. Not good. But live able.

Sorry for rambling just my experience with a bad breakup. Hopefully this can help.

Yeah kinda how i feel like almost every day. So much effort into trying to be nice to someone, then suddenly turn around and walk away like nothing didn't happen up until that point. "Bye, See ya."

Is how I feel when using instant message, when someone i am actively talking to suddenly stops, come back ours later and resume conversation like you just didn't leave for 5 hours, time stopped and just resumed when you decide to talk to me again. Won't even say sorry, don't explain yourself, nothing. If you had to leave just say so. "Sorry I need to go, can we finish talking later? I'll message you when I get back."

if u want a chick, just throw money at their face

Honestly I was in the middle of researching meditation, I figured it would help positively about things. Maybe is something to consider.

Like others have said, adopt a hobby that you really like, listen to good, lighthearted music, watch a good movie, play a good game, go on walks outside, maybe even start a garden. Do anything like that to distract yourself from her (provided what you do is healthy) and eventually you'll realize you're in a better place than you are now and you'll be able to move on. I get how you feel.
I believe in you man, you can do it, do your best to love yourself and everything around you. Oh, and getting a pet really helps too.

Go MGTOW, no more worries then.

yes get a pet dachshund. they are a PITA and will distract you 100%