Sometimes I hate my family...

Fuck, I don't feel so nice since a while. I had a lot of problems, I've feel so depressed and angry... I think writing and talking about this would make me feel a little bit better...

Before beginning, my parents are psychologists... and my sister is so annoying, well, sometimes, whenever she wants talk to me and love me... But I don't know what the fuck happened to my sister , that sometimes always acts different, like bipolar.

ugh, anyway...
Last month I was doin' well. But now, for some strange reason, I don't know if is it me, or I don't know, my parents are fucking me with "Hey! you didn't your homework!" "Hey! Do this!" "Hey! order your room!"
First of all... RARELY I HAVE HOMEWORK, WHAT IS THE PART THEY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MY TEACHERS RARELY LEAVES ME HOMEWORK AND I ALWAYS TO THE HOMEWORK? I told him over 100 times, and they still doesn't seems understand. I even showed my drew notebook where I write all the damn homeworks, and they doesn't believe me. What a bullshit. Does they think I'm lying?!
Second. I always order my room, the problem is my sister is on the same room as me. So, you know, when two or three lives in a single room, there is always disaster, well at the least if these are ordened, right? But no, my sister is a fucking disaster, I even need to order the room over 5 times at the same day. Shit, I told him "Please keep the room clean. I don't want have problems with my parents!" I told her over 10 times too. She doesn't even care, like today, her clothes are dropped in my room. So, I don't move anything of my sister because if I even touch one thing of my sister stuff... She will be out of control. Like "Where are my things?!" "Don't touch it! You have your hands dirty!" , and I mean "what the fuck". So, that's not the reason, the reason is everytime my mom comes to see my room (why?) my mom sometimes says to me to order the room, but again, I don't touch my sister things because I already said it. She'll be out of control if I move him.
And last... My parents says I don't cooperate on the house, what the fucking shit?! I always help on the house! I always wash the dirty food dishes! I always clean my room, if it wasn't for my sister, I had no problem with that! I always do my homework even if my teachers leaves me homework rarely...!

The other thing boooored asf and sleepy is my parents had a talk with me... damn.
You know, psychologan talk, they always asks silly things to you... like if you're a retarded. I never listen them. Because that talks sucks, and are bored than I get so sleepy. Sometimes it makes me angry because I want to leave right now and I can't because they still want to talk! Sometimes I'm so angry that I want to grab a knife and kill myself and don't exist anymore. I just live to play Pokémon and complete a translation I'm currently doing to a japanese game. They also says "You'll have a family and you'll be great on the life"
Excuse me, but I don't want to be anything on the life. I even don't want have a family. I just want to live lonely tbh. I have not socialized with people since I feel so depressed and angry. I just have 3 friends on the school and that's all. I don't like anymore to talk with anyone irl...

Only two things can make me feel a little bit better:
My Snivy Plush
and one person that I miss...

My Snivy plush... just looking at it, makes me feel better. Like if that person I miss, he was with me always... Well, at the least...

You know? I feel like a retard too...
you know? I also miss someone I broke, because I acted like a fucking idiot and retard. Just thinking about that makes me so depressed. I have now no one to talk about my things or something... I'd love to know how is him. Even just knowing he is fine, Is totally fine to me. I'd like to say to him I'm sorry if I acted like a idiot and I lied, I was acting too retard that I didn't not even notice, or probably I hurt his feelings or even I did something that made him too angry. Just saying that to him would be nice to me, and probably can even make me feel much better. But I can't because I don't want to talk to him and I'm too scared to talk to him again... because we broke. So, each one is on the way... or maybe, just knowing how is him would be nice, even just seeing him again would be fantastic to me and saying that to him...
Last words.. I miss him a lot... I'm worried if he's OK and had no problems... I feel so retarded, and depressed losing him...
Probably I'll never talk to him and stay with him again, because I'm a idiot... He was the only one who understands me...

I think I'll be out for a while... so, if someone worries about me, meh, don't do it.
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Comments

plasturion
I feel sorry about you dude. That's why I don't like psychologist. Maybe is not so good idea, but you can communicate them laud and clear everytime you feel someone take your terrain. How about using a whistler? You don't want verbal fight, use a whistler. Anyway I agree, you're lucky, they care about you.
 
leon315
ur parents are Leonard Hofstadter's mom confirmed, what a depress and cold family you have. RIP ur childhood...

Both my parents are accountants, in few words they are cold and rational calculators, i moved out as soon as i could. tc if u can't find a job cauz you are less than 18yo, try to get some agreements or find a partime job, just to stay less as possible at home.
 
B
First off, don't kill yourself. I know we joke about that a lot, but you'll get nothing out of suicide.

Second off, try to get through with the mentality that things will get better. I know it seems rather silly, but often, it's what gets you through particularly rough spots. Also, sorry about your parents. For a pair of psychologists, you'd think they'd understand things better than this. I mean, there's always the prospect of going out there, eventually moving out of your parents' place and getting a life for your own, meeting people who accept you for who you are, but I'm from America, so I suppose this individualistic and objectively selfish outlook may not apply elsewhere.

Also, I'm sorry about the part where you broke up. It really sucks when you feel like you ruined a friendship just because you feel like you did something really stupid. It can sometimes be hard to forgive yourself for that, and you may end up thinking of yourself as either stupid or a horrible person. You shouldn't, though. The best thing to do is to acknowledge that you screwed up somewhere, but realize it's not entirely your fault, that the other person had a role in the break-up. Don't be so rough on yourself. Reach out to other people, people you know, if you need to.

If you need to talk, feel free. Talk about it on Discord or something. Don't let it bubble up, only to manifest itself in another, potentially more destructive form.

Stay safe.

Be excellent to each other.
 
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The Real Jdbye
Growing up it might feel like your parents are being unfair, and I know it can be unbearable sometimes, but they just care about you and want you to grow up to be a good person with good habits, that's why they are always ordering you around. You'll understand once you get older, trust me. It will be a relief when you can finally move out and do what you want to do, you just have to make it until then.

Everyone makes mistakes, if you think it would be a good idea you could try to get in touch with him again, just to tell him you are sorry, it might help you move on. But soon enough it won't matter, you'll meet new people and move on, and maybe when you are both older you'll meet again and it'll be like nothing ever happened.
 
DeoNaught
I can relate to room sharing problems,
my brother is the same way.

Throws cloths on the ground, doesn't take care of them.
Goes stupid mad when I move it to clean the room.

also, I can relate to someone important leaving,
I enjoyed their company, but I was stupid, and said stuff
that was taken the wrong way.

I dealt with depression,
Find stuff that interests you.
I found people to talk to.
I hated living, I wasnt going to kill myself,
I couldn't, I hoped there was something better.
and tbh, I havent found it.
but I didnt take the cards dealt to me,
I got a new deck.
You might not be happy ever, heck, I hide my feelings and depression under jokes and a smile.

try a new perspective, Go about life differently, try to be that nice guy, atleast for a week.
Don't raise your voice, have more patience, Make more complements.

another thing you could do is possibly tell all of this to your parents?
I didnt, I think I am fine, but just a suggestion.

Last of all, Don't end it.
just please, there is a better way.
 
Abu_Senpai
You already have received some great replies, so i wont just repeat what others have said.

But rather let me just state that:

You are of more use to this world alive rather than dead. ​
 
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G0R3Z
You're not special or one-of-a-kind; many of us have had these problems too. I was bullied through school, abused by my parents and neglected compared to my golden boy brothers. It happens.

Just remember, if you kill yourself, there is nothing on the other side. Religion is a lie selling you nothing, there is no proof there's an afterlife. If you commit suicide, there's nothing. You may as well live and enjoy the short time you have on this world. There is an extraordinarily small chance any of us will ever be alive when you put it in context, don't snuff it out because you have some bullshit family problems that many other millions of people also have.
 
B
@G0R3Z What made you think he's trying to convince everyone he's special? He's just venting his problems. There's nothing wrong with that. If anything, it helps.
 
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M
What you are describing is common in the gaming communities since video games are an escape.

@G0R3Z you are right on your comment,spot on.I feel for you as I was a black sheep too. Parents can sabotage circumstances in ways by placing "roles" on their children. Not blaming all my shortcomings on that,but it's true.It's very hard not doing the golden boy/black sheep thing unless your parents are mentally healthy genuinely good people which I would say is less than 10% of the population.
 
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Alex4U
eh, anyway, I'm feeling better playing Pokémon and ignoring what happends to me. Eh, anyway, thanks for the replies.

Anyway, things are getting better a little bit.
 
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