well

I know I've acting like a idiot before... and even, before I couldn't control myself. I mean with couldn't controling myself I acted different, like if it wasn't me. I remember before, everytime I got angry or sad, I wanted to grab a knife and kill myself. I even sometime said stupid cringy things like

hey i want to die uwu
kill me uwuwu
i don't want to live
kms
i feel like shit
feel like shit mate you don't matter

I know I said these things just for fun, but it was more than fun...
Ugh, I can't believe I acted like that before... and thanks to that, I lost a lot of things, and I had a lot of problems. Even I can't believe I lost my very closed friend thanks to my errors, all was my fault. Like hurting is feelings, making feeling it like shit, and things like that. Goddamit. But whatever. I don't want to talk about that.

But now I've changed a lot, I've analyzing my errors, what I've done before that were mistakes, errors, etc. I can take control of myself. Even if I'm angry or sad for whatever reason, I just say "well next time I can do it better". I don't get that feeling of grabbing a knife like before. I'm glad I can finally control myself dammit. I hate myself after writing this <3 (yeah this is a jojoke so don't worry).