I'm back. Stuff happened, like school. I'm gonna try to be more active here. I also need to revisit smwcentral a lot more, but I'm working on that.
Fun Fact: I type all of these from my Switch. Long story behind that for another day.
Anyways... here's what you came for. TEN CENTS GO! throws dimes everywhere
edit: I fucked up massively and set the page's text size to 10 by mistake so everything beyond this point was massive lmao
Taffy's Ten Cents - Theory of General Negativity
This may seem like a vent, but it's not.
The world is a shitty place, in a number of ways. Racism, sexism, extremists (which can make literally anything instantly 20 times worse), dumb people, forgetfulness, mean people, badly-made brusselsprouts (they're actually delicious if prepared properly), capitalism, Trump, asthma, forgetfulness, and people letting their dogs shit on my lawn without picking it up make the world a miserable place to live in. I'm not saying there isn't good, but this issue of Ten Cents is designed to make you regret living if you don't already while also giving you a good laugh.
... I forgot what I was gonna put here. And it was good, too. Oh well.
I propose a theory that life becomes worse as society becomes "better". With changes in US government from a monarchy to a democracy came worse and worse politicians in this day and age. As newer phones get bigger and bigger (seriously why do they keep getting bigger) people keep getting fatter and fatter so their gigantic pants will have pockets to fit them (it may be the other way around though, the phones grow to fit the fat people). As Hasbro, the company that makes nerf guns, came out with the Stryfe, a reliable and cheap blaster that you can mod the hell out of, they kept making reshells and reskins of it most of which are pretty bland or just inferior. Along with this came kids blowing themselves up by using batteries not meant to power motors. Things get worse when you go into specialty 3rd-party motors that draw more than 3 times the current of the stock motors, which STILL draw too much current, but I'm rambling now. Oh yeah, and as babies learn to talk they blossom into people who never shut the fuck up.
Clearly, life is terrible.
My insipiration for this issue was reading... you know what, I forgot whose blog it was. And I feel terrible, because they're going through some pretty nasty stuff. Nasty to the point where I actually punched my desk, and it takes a LOT to make me punch my desk. They have a mental crackpot ex who got him in deep shit and he can't do anything about it because he's a suspect for something he didn't dom and he has a mental nephew who made it a bajillion times worse.
Luckily, I'm not dealing with anything nearly this bad. What I'm dealing with is a birthday party compared to this guy.
There's this guy I know and hate named Erik. Or Eric. One of the two. He's lazy, and a jerk. Doesn't seem to care for much. It's possible he's having his own problems, but a few times he's teased me in the right ways to piss me off. Everything from calling me smalldick to jackie chan to teasing me about Ninty.
First, I'd like to clarify some stuff. I'm South Korean. I was adopted when I was 2 months old. I only speak English. I get a lot of people asking me if I'm "Chinese or Asian" (I quote. The guy who asked me that wasn't too bright, but I'm extremely naive myself so I'll shut up). A list of favorites follows:
- "Are you Asian or Chinese?"
- *I can't understand what they're saying to me because it's in another language*
- "Are you Italian?" (I can't explain this one. It seriously happened once and I died on the spot.)
- *Proceeds to ask me if I'm Japanese, Chinese, and Viatnamese while totally skipping Korea*
Anyways, about Eric. Well, he thought it was fine to call me "smalldick" one day during class. At first I played along with it and thought it was a little joke. But he kepr
t doing it, and realized I had shot myself in the foot. Best part was I was stuck doing a group project with him, so every time he needed something he referred to me by that classy name...
"Hey smalldick pass me that pencil."
"smalldick can you get me a pen?"
"smalldick is your dick actually small?"
"smalldick you suck."
The teacher walked by, and I made a small enough scene to get her attention. Eric was suspended the following day, and I was stuck doing this project by myself. Yep, smalldick and his smalldick had to do all the work.
Eric still got credit, which I guess is fair but still kinda pisses me off.
More recently, he's taken to calling me Jackie Chan. That pisses me off too. But after talking to my parents about it, they say that A there will always be people like this and B Jackie Chan is a millionaire and that I should be proud of that.
Also whenever this has happened in the past, I usually just tell people I'll go Jackie Chan on their butt. But then they go Jackie Chan on my butt. Talking with my parents about that, they said I probably deserved it. They're probably right.
Now for something most of us here can actually get behind. Hardcorenudity Ninty. Except Eric is being Eric. A week ago, the guy follows me home. He also walks the same way, but he specifically ran up behind me and slapped my back in an exagerated homie fashion. The conversation is as follows...
"YOOOO TAFFY!"
"(anything but this. God, anything but this. please.) Oh hey, Eric."
"I see you brought your playstation with you. That's nuts, man."
"It's a Switch..."
"Whatevs... I had a nintendo too when I was in 5th grade. The old flippy-thing."
"Well, there were a few 'old flippy-things'... There was the Game n Watch, the GameBoy Advance, and the DS..."
I try to babble about the gameboy advance for a bit. I lie about having an AGS-101, the one with the great screen. I also go on about processors iirc. It was nice to talk about that stuff. Even if he only pretended to care. Although something is telling me it's possible that he was being sincere. But then this happens...
"Hey Taffy, do yo take medicine?", he asks me.
"how'd you guess?" I reply flatly.
"I can tell", he says with an odd smile.
....This was unsettling. I may just be taking it too seriously, but he seems to be implying I'm mental and taking meds as a result. I do have adhd and I take medication for it.
"Oh hey, uh, I turn here. See ya later, eric."
I walk into an alleyway. Had he followed me I'd be in deep shit.
...I'm rambling again ._. Let's talk about something else.
...Oh I know!
A great example of the Theory of General Negativity would be camera systems in games. When we started out, we just had a more or less statuc 2D viewpoint in Super Mario Bros. Soon after we got Mario World with its AmazingFlyin' Hammer Brother Pannable Camera Thing where you could hold the L or R shoulder buttons to pan the camera left or right. This was cool. And the games got better, skip ahead a decade and a half and we get Mario 64, an amazing game on an amazing console.
But that DAMNED CAMERA. LAKITU, FUCKING EARN YOUR MONEY!
The game was great, don't get me wrong. But that camera. The cause of so many deaths. And for TASers traversing parallel universes, just a huge pain in general. Probably. You'd better believe I'm gonna make a picture of this.
Another example of devolving would be the time it takes Lakitu to put you back on track in Mario Kart (although the time has just been terrible in all games in general tbh). Super Mario Kart took its sweet, sweet time (especially if you fell into water in Donut Plains). I haven't played 64 or double dash yet, but it got a little better in DS. I don't remember Super Circuit. I know it got a little worse in Wii. 8 was ok iirc, but DS was a little better.
Then in 8 Deluxe you straight up watch Lakitu stall for a good half second (which is a LOT OF TIME in racing) before setting you down, only to have another racer slam you into that same lava pit to repeat the cycle for infinity.
Lakitu has really sunken low. He makes his money by stealing your coins when you fall off cliffs. And in addition to stealing your money, he takes your social security number, your lead in the race, and your dignity. And in Wii, he stole your items. And during a balloon battle, he pops your balloons.
...Welp I'm out of ideas. Anyone have anything to add? It's 11PM right now wherw I live.
Fun Fact: I type all of these from my Switch. Long story behind that for another day.
Anyways... here's what you came for. TEN CENTS GO! throws dimes everywhere
edit: I fucked up massively and set the page's text size to 10 by mistake so everything beyond this point was massive lmao
Taffy's Ten Cents - Theory of General Negativity
This may seem like a vent, but it's not.
The world is a shitty place, in a number of ways. Racism, sexism, extremists (which can make literally anything instantly 20 times worse), dumb people, forgetfulness, mean people, badly-made brusselsprouts (they're actually delicious if prepared properly), capitalism, Trump, asthma, forgetfulness, and people letting their dogs shit on my lawn without picking it up make the world a miserable place to live in. I'm not saying there isn't good, but this issue of Ten Cents is designed to make you regret living if you don't already while also giving you a good laugh.
... I forgot what I was gonna put here. And it was good, too. Oh well.
I propose a theory that life becomes worse as society becomes "better". With changes in US government from a monarchy to a democracy came worse and worse politicians in this day and age. As newer phones get bigger and bigger (seriously why do they keep getting bigger) people keep getting fatter and fatter so their gigantic pants will have pockets to fit them (it may be the other way around though, the phones grow to fit the fat people). As Hasbro, the company that makes nerf guns, came out with the Stryfe, a reliable and cheap blaster that you can mod the hell out of, they kept making reshells and reskins of it most of which are pretty bland or just inferior. Along with this came kids blowing themselves up by using batteries not meant to power motors. Things get worse when you go into specialty 3rd-party motors that draw more than 3 times the current of the stock motors, which STILL draw too much current, but I'm rambling now. Oh yeah, and as babies learn to talk they blossom into people who never shut the fuck up.
Clearly, life is terrible.
My insipiration for this issue was reading... you know what, I forgot whose blog it was. And I feel terrible, because they're going through some pretty nasty stuff. Nasty to the point where I actually punched my desk, and it takes a LOT to make me punch my desk. They have a mental crackpot ex who got him in deep shit and he can't do anything about it because he's a suspect for something he didn't dom and he has a mental nephew who made it a bajillion times worse.
Luckily, I'm not dealing with anything nearly this bad. What I'm dealing with is a birthday party compared to this guy.
There's this guy I know and hate named Erik. Or Eric. One of the two. He's lazy, and a jerk. Doesn't seem to care for much. It's possible he's having his own problems, but a few times he's teased me in the right ways to piss me off. Everything from calling me smalldick to jackie chan to teasing me about Ninty.
First, I'd like to clarify some stuff. I'm South Korean. I was adopted when I was 2 months old. I only speak English. I get a lot of people asking me if I'm "Chinese or Asian" (I quote. The guy who asked me that wasn't too bright, but I'm extremely naive myself so I'll shut up). A list of favorites follows:
- "Are you Asian or Chinese?"
- *I can't understand what they're saying to me because it's in another language*
- "Are you Italian?" (I can't explain this one. It seriously happened once and I died on the spot.)
- *Proceeds to ask me if I'm Japanese, Chinese, and Viatnamese while totally skipping Korea*
Anyways, about Eric. Well, he thought it was fine to call me "smalldick" one day during class. At first I played along with it and thought it was a little joke. But he kepr
t doing it, and realized I had shot myself in the foot. Best part was I was stuck doing a group project with him, so every time he needed something he referred to me by that classy name...
"Hey smalldick pass me that pencil."
"smalldick can you get me a pen?"
"smalldick is your dick actually small?"
"smalldick you suck."
The teacher walked by, and I made a small enough scene to get her attention. Eric was suspended the following day, and I was stuck doing this project by myself. Yep, smalldick and his smalldick had to do all the work.
Eric still got credit, which I guess is fair but still kinda pisses me off.
More recently, he's taken to calling me Jackie Chan. That pisses me off too. But after talking to my parents about it, they say that A there will always be people like this and B Jackie Chan is a millionaire and that I should be proud of that.
Also whenever this has happened in the past, I usually just tell people I'll go Jackie Chan on their butt. But then they go Jackie Chan on my butt. Talking with my parents about that, they said I probably deserved it. They're probably right.
Now for something most of us here can actually get behind. Hardcore
"YOOOO TAFFY!"
"(anything but this. God, anything but this. please.) Oh hey, Eric."
"I see you brought your playstation with you. That's nuts, man."
"It's a Switch..."
"Whatevs... I had a nintendo too when I was in 5th grade. The old flippy-thing."
"Well, there were a few 'old flippy-things'... There was the Game n Watch, the GameBoy Advance, and the DS..."
I try to babble about the gameboy advance for a bit. I lie about having an AGS-101, the one with the great screen. I also go on about processors iirc. It was nice to talk about that stuff. Even if he only pretended to care. Although something is telling me it's possible that he was being sincere. But then this happens...
"Hey Taffy, do yo take medicine?", he asks me.
"how'd you guess?" I reply flatly.
"I can tell", he says with an odd smile.
....This was unsettling. I may just be taking it too seriously, but he seems to be implying I'm mental and taking meds as a result. I do have adhd and I take medication for it.
"Oh hey, uh, I turn here. See ya later, eric."
I walk into an alleyway. Had he followed me I'd be in deep shit.
...I'm rambling again ._. Let's talk about something else.
...Oh I know!
A great example of the Theory of General Negativity would be camera systems in games. When we started out, we just had a more or less statuc 2D viewpoint in Super Mario Bros. Soon after we got Mario World with its Amazing
But that DAMNED CAMERA. LAKITU, FUCKING EARN YOUR MONEY!
The game was great, don't get me wrong. But that camera. The cause of so many deaths. And for TASers traversing parallel universes, just a huge pain in general. Probably. You'd better believe I'm gonna make a picture of this.
Another example of devolving would be the time it takes Lakitu to put you back on track in Mario Kart (although the time has just been terrible in all games in general tbh). Super Mario Kart took its sweet, sweet time (especially if you fell into water in Donut Plains). I haven't played 64 or double dash yet, but it got a little better in DS. I don't remember Super Circuit. I know it got a little worse in Wii. 8 was ok iirc, but DS was a little better.
Then in 8 Deluxe you straight up watch Lakitu stall for a good half second (which is a LOT OF TIME in racing) before setting you down, only to have another racer slam you into that same lava pit to repeat the cycle for infinity.
Lakitu has really sunken low. He makes his money by stealing your coins when you fall off cliffs. And in addition to stealing your money, he takes your social security number, your lead in the race, and your dignity. And in Wii, he stole your items. And during a balloon battle, he pops your balloons.
...Welp I'm out of ideas. Anyone have anything to add? It's 11PM right now wherw I live.
