How to ruin a young life (3)

There are at least two topic left. I’ve covered most of what happened had been done to me in previous entries of this series (and in the comments to those entries). The first missing topic is about school and teachers. The second is about my general opinion on all this – my conclusions and my decisions.

Even more than in previous entries I feel I’m not up to the task of expressing all this is a foreign language. In both of these topics there are very specific things like institutions and laws which I can’t translate. I will have to use some German words and explain what they mean. If this text looks somewhat silly or even outright wrong to a native speaker: Please be lenient. I tried my best and used various dictionaries for hours.
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Part 1: The Unfair School

Because of the things I described in the previous texts I had missed almost a year in school. After getting over the forced drug abuse it was time to visit school again. Being somewhat different than most children (and later teenagers) I was pretty used to the normal mobbing this causes. The “not-like-us”-phenomena. It’s not a nice thing, but the effects had faded over the years. In elementary school it hurt pretty badly but after that… meh. Coming back from the nuthouse I was prepared for some intense mobbing by fellow students. “You may try!” I said to myself. “You can’t impress me.” Seemingly prepared for the worst… what could possibly go wrong now? The unexpected: Mobbing by the teachers – by the very institution school itself.

They did not want a “psycho” at their school. Having me coming back was like this for them:


A "psycho" could damage the reputation of this educational institution – Decision from the headmaster and his “deputies”. Now what? A public school can’t just say: “We don’t want you anymore… so just leave already.” The school needs a good reason to throw someone out. And there was none. I did literally nothing wrong. Nothing against any rule. To get rid of a student without a lengthy process, without any warnings, they would have needed strong evidence of criminal activity. “Imminent danger” But… there was none… nothing at all. What could they do?


Idea #1: Treat Sina like a piece of sh.. so she switches to another school
I will not go into detail here. A bunch of adults throwing mud (metaphorically) at a teenager. It is hard to sink lower than they did. So immature! Unfairness, looking away when other pupils attacked me, giving me bad grades (that was not easy – I’m not that dumb)…
They tried everything – but it didn't work very well.


Idea #2: If there is no reason to throw her out… Fake it, Baby!
That is on a completely different level. If only I had been able to get proof for this…
I always liked writing stories. Mostly for myself. Some of these stories are quite big – they would fill books. As a teenager I made a mistake: Showed some of my stories around. It were harmless and fictional things… but it was enough for the headmaster to dish out his suckerpunch (again: metaphorically).

My form teacher asked my mum to come to the school for a talk – when she arrived, there was not only my form teacher but the headmaster and his “deputies”. They told her it was not justifiable to tolerate my presence at school until experts have examined if I was bearable and not a ticking time bomb. “We have a responsibility for all the other pupils here and we must protect them. The authorities have to deal with that case.” (Gesundheitsamt – health authority) They simply claimed I was about to go postal and repeated that word alarming over and over again. They just could not stop saying “besorgniserregend” which literally means something like “arousing worries”. The dictionary suggested alarming as translation but I don’t think this fits. Nothing dict.leo suggests really sounds like the German word.

And their (the teachers) words were credible – by definition. They were experts themselves: Pedagogues! Educationalists! They have studied these things at university! They have seen young people grow up countless times. They must know, when there is an alarming deviation (“besorgniserregende Abweichung”) from normal development of a young human being. They can judge this! It is a big part of their job! (Errors/Mistakes: Impossible. Abuse of their position: Even more impossible.)
But finally – to get rid of me – they needed the confirmation from medical experts. To send me back to the nuthouse once and for all without any chance of ever leaving again alive. The only institution which is allowed to enforce this kind of examination is the “Gesundheitsamt”. The school was overconfident. They thought they had already won. Just a matter of form… They must have thought the same medics that did their very best to ruin my life would be in charge of this.

There were doctors at the Gesundheitsamt. But not for children and youths – and no pedagogues. They were not entitled to confirm if there really was an alarming problem/deviation/whatever. But the Gesundheitsamt was entitled to call other experts for this. The people on the Amt were no idiots. And they seemed to be skeptical – to say the least – after they had spoken to me (and my mum). The Beamten relegated me to an institution that deals only with problematic children and teenagers. Because it was an emergency – the school really went all out to finish me off (again: metaphorically But… GBAtemp is a gaming site, I just have to bring some gaming related stuff. Please forgive me the association, that came to my mind just after writing “finish me off”.) – a psychiatrist and a psychologist visited us at home.

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Part 2: The Big Change

This is where the situation fundamentally changed. Those guys from the institution for problematic children and teenagers were not biased in any way. They had heard/read the opposite party’s “opinion” (lies!) – but had not yet come to any conclusions. Wow! The psychiatrist and the psychologist did want to hear my point of view. Now… that was so… new! Somebody actually wanted to hear what I, LittleSinchen, had to say. For the first time, I was allowed to D E F E N D myself. And the positive surprises did not stop there: After talking to me for two hours (“crisis intervention”) they came to a stunning conclusion:
They… did not actually say it like this. Of course not. That’s not something one can say when having to fulfill an assignment for the authorities. So they just said: “We don’t see any risks and take the responsibility. Sinchen may continue to visit the school. We will investigate this further.”

This is what they did. I visited this institution for about a year once a week – almost like in case of a “normal” psychotherapy. After a while two things happened:

1. Diagnosis
They told me that the mental “hospital” where I had been locked up, the doctors and their methods were… controversial to say the least. Again, this is not something that can be said in a blunt way officially.
Further examination showed no signs of schizophrenia, psychosis or whatever had been stamped on me in the past and had been used to nullify my human rights “for my own good”. The only thing I had and have to this day is depression and anxiety – largely caused by the very friendly nuthouse and the equally friendly school.


2. Feedback for the school
This was so funny! Statement: “Nothing can confirm the worries the nice teachers (and the headmaster) had uttered.” The psychologist called the school after I had met him about five times and made an appointment. He wanted to talk to them… he gave the school a broad hint what they had to expect in the report.
The teachers were so angry that I had been sent back to school right after the first talk with the institution. After this phone call they really knew it: Their attack against me backfired big time! They would get it in black and white, a report written by medical experts, attesting my innocuousness… and they could not impeach the credibility of that statement. I was now officially:
That’s what I call Eigentor! (own goal, a real boomerang, shot in the own foot)

Five minutes (literally!) before the psychologist arrived at the school they canceled the appointment and told him there was no need for talk anymore… “If the medics take the responsibility, school will accept this.” Herr Direktor (mister headmaster) essentially surrendered at this point… helplessly. How pathetic! He did not even have the guts to face the psychologist. Nevertheless the school revived Idea #1 and tried to make my life as hellish as possible – which was even kind of funny… to see their helpless tries.





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There is still something missing here:
“How can you sure this is not a product of your imagination and paranoia? The doctors had diagnosed schizophrenia and paranoia. Do you really think you were sooo important, that the headmaster and the school decided to battle you? That does sound like the doctors were right. You must have been quite mentally disordered after all if you have had that kind of perception!”

The blog entry is already too long and I doubt many people will read it in the age of tl;dr.

Continuing now would hurt anyway. Until next time.

Thanks @Alexander1970 for reading the "beta version" of this entry some months ago. I was unable to complete it until now.