Didn't expect to pull out that much, honestly. But yeah, I managed to pull a full week of writing. Not here, obviously, but on my stories. And I enjoy the result, thus far. However, I also got turned into real life matters. I briefly explained during a previous blog post about my past, and I'll take the opportunity to expand on it.
First year in a new school. Here in Belgium, the school sections are different (six years of primary school, six years of secondary school, then university or work or specializations), but the jump from primary to secondary is important, so, as I wasn't talking a lot to others, I tried and took the opportunity to make new friends in this new school.
Quickly, the class changed completely, doubling in size due to a close school closing its doors and its students being transfered to ours. And among the new classmates came a guy in particular. That guy came from a reform school where he, among other things, was forced to cloth and act as a girl for the other guys, so at school, he felt the need to vent his anger on others.
He quickly got on me since I failed my opportunity to make friends and thus went back to my usual silent status. And while, at the beginning, the bullying was very light, it didn't last. Rushes became punches and kicks. Simple mockery became insults trying to find a weakness to dive in. I found my belongings torn apart, with the teachers quickly alerted that I "wasn't taking care of school's belongings" for additional punishments.
But I shut up. First because I thought I could endure it, and second because of my family situation. Being between a constantly drunk and agressive father, and a frequently ill and hurt mother, means I had to deal with worse at home. And even though the situation wasn't pleasant, family is still more important than anything for a 12 years old who hasn't experienced anything harsh.
Then came one day. French course, where the teacher has been replaced by an incompetent, young one due to heart attacks. He took the opportunity to sit in front of me, to put a boxcutter under my neck, and to slyly tell me that he'd take the very first chance to open my neck. Then he added he'd go at my home before attacking my family, both using my address and my family members' names through a sneaky visit to the school's registers.
My mind understood that it'd either be my whole family or him at that exact moment, and my body let out the whole year of anger at him. The boxcutter ended up going in his shoulder. The bench between us ended up on his legs. Then I went over him and punched him in the face, until we were forced to be separated by other children. I saw the boxcutter on his shoulder, got a last ounce of cruelty, and threw my legs (as I was held on both arms and the chest by the others). The boxcutter went through, and the pain was enough for him to fall unconscious.
My parents and I were soon in a special meeting with the director, the teacher, and several others. It was explained what happened and how the teachers didn't act, but the director went with the idea that, since I didn't complain to the teachers, I acted on my own and the result was so harsh that the only thing he could do is fire me from the school. To that, my father answered that, if that decision wasn't reversed, the story would go to higher places, including the medias.
In the end, I got away with two weeks of expulsion and a visit to the hospital my bully was in, in order for me to apologize. But he was so shocked from what happened that when I met him, he got scared as hell, shouting like a little girl while trying to climb the curtains with his only valid arm, in an attempt to go away from me. And I was scared by this too, to the point I refused to go towards others for months.
Well, that experience apparently is enough to be able to go in schools, to talk to children about bullying and its consequences. It may not be a big thing as I'm only meeting groups of 30 or less children (even less now with Covid), but it matters as it can (and already has) solve cases of bullying that could have turned as badly as what happened to me.
Some days ago, I got a call for one such talk. At the school I was bullied. At the place where it happened. And I'm still unsure I can handle it, but I want to go and do it. Especially because I'm unsure I can handle it. This is a once-in-a-lifetime occasion to finally let it completely go and get over it, and missing it would certainly give me some regrets.
And, if any of you face bullying, be it as the victim, the bully or a bystander, be sure to get out of it. Whatever may be your reasons, they are definitely not worth a lifetime of either being scared of your own strength, being scared of your shadow, or being guilty of seeing this all and not doing anything. Not acting may kill lives, while acting may save at least one.
First year in a new school. Here in Belgium, the school sections are different (six years of primary school, six years of secondary school, then university or work or specializations), but the jump from primary to secondary is important, so, as I wasn't talking a lot to others, I tried and took the opportunity to make new friends in this new school.
Quickly, the class changed completely, doubling in size due to a close school closing its doors and its students being transfered to ours. And among the new classmates came a guy in particular. That guy came from a reform school where he, among other things, was forced to cloth and act as a girl for the other guys, so at school, he felt the need to vent his anger on others.
He quickly got on me since I failed my opportunity to make friends and thus went back to my usual silent status. And while, at the beginning, the bullying was very light, it didn't last. Rushes became punches and kicks. Simple mockery became insults trying to find a weakness to dive in. I found my belongings torn apart, with the teachers quickly alerted that I "wasn't taking care of school's belongings" for additional punishments.
But I shut up. First because I thought I could endure it, and second because of my family situation. Being between a constantly drunk and agressive father, and a frequently ill and hurt mother, means I had to deal with worse at home. And even though the situation wasn't pleasant, family is still more important than anything for a 12 years old who hasn't experienced anything harsh.
Then came one day. French course, where the teacher has been replaced by an incompetent, young one due to heart attacks. He took the opportunity to sit in front of me, to put a boxcutter under my neck, and to slyly tell me that he'd take the very first chance to open my neck. Then he added he'd go at my home before attacking my family, both using my address and my family members' names through a sneaky visit to the school's registers.
My mind understood that it'd either be my whole family or him at that exact moment, and my body let out the whole year of anger at him. The boxcutter ended up going in his shoulder. The bench between us ended up on his legs. Then I went over him and punched him in the face, until we were forced to be separated by other children. I saw the boxcutter on his shoulder, got a last ounce of cruelty, and threw my legs (as I was held on both arms and the chest by the others). The boxcutter went through, and the pain was enough for him to fall unconscious.
My parents and I were soon in a special meeting with the director, the teacher, and several others. It was explained what happened and how the teachers didn't act, but the director went with the idea that, since I didn't complain to the teachers, I acted on my own and the result was so harsh that the only thing he could do is fire me from the school. To that, my father answered that, if that decision wasn't reversed, the story would go to higher places, including the medias.
In the end, I got away with two weeks of expulsion and a visit to the hospital my bully was in, in order for me to apologize. But he was so shocked from what happened that when I met him, he got scared as hell, shouting like a little girl while trying to climb the curtains with his only valid arm, in an attempt to go away from me. And I was scared by this too, to the point I refused to go towards others for months.
Well, that experience apparently is enough to be able to go in schools, to talk to children about bullying and its consequences. It may not be a big thing as I'm only meeting groups of 30 or less children (even less now with Covid), but it matters as it can (and already has) solve cases of bullying that could have turned as badly as what happened to me.
Some days ago, I got a call for one such talk. At the school I was bullied. At the place where it happened. And I'm still unsure I can handle it, but I want to go and do it. Especially because I'm unsure I can handle it. This is a once-in-a-lifetime occasion to finally let it completely go and get over it, and missing it would certainly give me some regrets.
And, if any of you face bullying, be it as the victim, the bully or a bystander, be sure to get out of it. Whatever may be your reasons, they are definitely not worth a lifetime of either being scared of your own strength, being scared of your shadow, or being guilty of seeing this all and not doing anything. Not acting may kill lives, while acting may save at least one.
