Thinking About Quitting

No, helping others help us to not think about ourselves. It helps me in my day because otherwise, I am selfish, self-centered, and a self-seeking individual. I can get out of my own f'd up head when I help other people in all walks of life. There's a definition of humility all over the all-knowing, all-seeing Google, but my friend told me that it's not thinking less of myself, but thinking of myself less. I wish you well @godreborn, but remember that when we help others we gain happiness and joyousness that cannot be gained in any other way, even if someone isn't accepting of that help. Those that don't accept help or talk crap behind others' backs only have themselves to blame when their lives go astray. Be well, and don't forget we are all here for you. I found after years of confusion that I'm my worst enemy after all, but I can also be my best ally.

And please don't let me read about another gamer related suicide...just saying.. it is National Suicide Awareness Month, and men are the sex more likely to commit such unfortunate and selfish acts, too.

I didn't quite leave. I wanted to apologize to @AmandaRose for losing my cool the night before last. I was extremely tried, and I don't take kindly to being criticized or attacked, even if it wasn't actually intended that way. I can only take so much, because it happens a lot. then, I'll boil over.

it does seem like I'm the only person meant to suffer in any disagreement. the site in question, or the reason for this thread originally, is repack. I won't post the full name, because it's a content site, but that's part of its name. I got banned from there originally for losing my cool with the admin. we were best friends. he not only perm banned me, but he also deleted my account, so everything, every post, every tutorial, all of it was gone. you see how often I post, so that's a lot of stuff.

then, I ventured over to that iso site (can we say the name now that it's closed?). everything was fine for a while 'til I learned from repack admin's girlfriend that they were spying on me. I mentioned it, to see if someone would take the bait, in a post on iso. they bit, and then an argument ensued. I got banned from that site then. the irony is that the person I got into a fight with, BahumatLord, said that all staff, including nightdex, were no bodies in the scene before this all happened, so they essentially banned someone who came to bat for them over one who couldn't care less about them. I was later told by a staff member that the admin banned me, because he thought I was gay. yes, this is THE iso I'm talking about.

after that, I went to gameroom. things went okay there. I met correll, a good friend there. we bonded immediately, because he had the same disability as me, schizoaffective disorder (hear voices, hallucinations, and even feel people touching you as you sleep). anyway, I attacked repack, even making a ps3 coldboot that said fuck repack. I got seriously attacked by several people on gameroom for that.

eventually, I was asked back to repack, because the admin missed me. I lasted a week, then was banned for no reason. I'm not sure how that even happened, but one moment I was on eXtreme's website, then the next I was banned.

eXtreme is another one who banned me from his forum, because I didn't want to be a part of his modding group with another guy from Trinidad. eXtreme is from Germany btw, so he liked getting experience speaking English to me. I'm not sure how familiar you all are with IcEmAn's mods in the ps3 scene, but I did all parts that involved hexing like the coldboot, coldboot script, and wave. he took the credit mostly, since it was his mod.

anyway, after that, I went to ps3hax with @DinohScene 's favorite person, Rasputin. one day, I got into an argument, then the entire staff, headed by Rasputin, attacked me, then banned me, so I couldn't defend myself. Rasputin even took addons from my tutorials and pasted them on hax while I was banned. he also added a "Butt hurt" wording to my ps3 tutorials. the irony is that he was butt hurt when he was banned by making dupe accounts to troll staff.

for a while nothing happened, but then my ban on iso was lifted under new management, and one of the staff members wanted me to be staff on his gameisoxtreme site. I was later banned, and I found out from a person on psx place that it was because he also thought I was gay.

now, that brings me all the way up to psx place, which I just got banned from for breaking the rules. ban to be lifted in two days. I don't know what I did. I only posted once last night, but I think STLCardsWS might've considered it piracy talk. however, the post wasn't deleted. if talking about klicenses is piracy talk, then he should remove ps3tools by aldostools and psn liberator, both of which contain klicense key repositories. that was the last straw for me with that site. I had earned enough respect to be promoted to developer, but I won't be returning. I might even ask for my tutorials for all systems to be removed.

anyway, suffice it to say, I've had a very miserable time in the scenes. can't ever speak my mind or else I get banned. and, in every case, I'm the only person who's paid for his mistakes. though, I will say karma got to most of those sites. repack is the last one standing, and psx place of course.

I'll just say this. right now, I'm here, but if I find some place away from the scenes, I'll probably go there and finally retire from everything. all I've tried to do is help people, because I've tried most hacks, and I've done enough reading to fix problems if I encounter them. what have I gotten out of it? I gave credit to everyone including @Madridi with the fake ticket deletion thread. to me, I'm like the bridge between normal user and dev. I understand most dev tools or how to do things, so I try to help others or explain how to solve certain problems. now, sometimes my mind works faster than my typing, but I almost always correct myself. I don't want to leave, but the stress of so many haters and people blaming me for things, when they excuse other people for doing the same, or sometimes even worse, has truly gotten to me. I feel a bit teary-eyed as I type. you've gotta understand. I'm a very sensitive person, and my condition makes me even more fragile. there are times when I wish I had never started in the scenes (originated in the 360 scene first). this is getting pretty long, so I'll just say this: I'm on the fence about staying in the scenes on any site. I don't need to be. I don't want to be in some ways, and people don't want me to be, but I cringe when someone can't solve a problem. I want to help, but my willingness to do so has its limits, and I'm quickly reaching that point.

The experiences are the same, but the specifics are different. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2008 and quickly developed paranoid schizophrenia some months later. Fuck I've had times when I didn't even know if I was human anymore, let alone what my sexual orientation was any more or for god sakes what I thought it might be becoming or the fears I was having. Feelings of extreme unease around even the closest of friends and family and myself was a daily struggle. Voices I heard sometimes being 1000s, maybe even millions all at the same time, although later usually it was only a few a night and then less. It was hard for me when I realized that not everybody heard what I was hearing or saw what I was seeing and especially felt what I was feeling.


Life has gotten better slowly, in part to gaming, and I'm just an end-user who wants to get the most out of the hardware. I haven't learned to code and I don't have the space, money, or desire to buy arcade cabinets. I'm a thief because I don't own legit copies of some of the games I play, but who isn't a thief? The money in the U.S. isn't backed by gold and it has never in my lifetime. When people want more money, more money is printed, so who do we owe the electricity bill to...fire itself? My thought process goes to if one makes a living wage the yes it's legal, but from an inflated system that has cogs that never stop turning, or producing product. The writing is on the wall in red to buy, buy, buy but I don't ever need anything new, new, new.


When I need help I usually come to this site because this is where I first came to hack my PS Vita when VHBL was still widely used. I don't know if I have ever helped anyone in gaming besides a kid from school a few years ago who paid me to install CFW on his PSP. I realize that gaming has developed into an escape for me sometimes, however from some real-life problems that do occur in my life. I can't always feel the way I always did from the past. I used to have this magical experience getting up at 6:30 AM before middle school to play THPS 2 on my PS2 for as long as I could before getting ready for the day, but life continued to move forward, too because I can't do that anymore.


"Should I Stay or Should I Go" by the Clash also comes to mind viewing this problem @godreborn. Whichever it is meant to be will be.


and this was supposed to have paragraphs, but I guess I don't know how to format on here...? I typed the breaks.

well, you're not alone. I understand how you feel. I'm on disability currently (have one more year). then I'm going to try to file for permanent disability.

I must say that the drama of the scenes sometimes gets to be too much. it's hard to let some things go, because they've caused such a deep scar inside. you feel both angry and sad, but there's a time when you know you have to walk away. I told the psx place admin off, because he's on some sort of power trip. that place isn't the fun place it used to be, no pun intended. it's too strict. everything has to be to the point. a lot of people have stopped posting because of it. even if I had opted to stay, what would be the point of posting when anything I say or do seems to rub the admin the wrong way?

looks like @barelynotlegal has a ps4 question I know the answer to. I wanted to answer but I won't unless he asks here.

Ahhh... Sounds like you are discovering the douch bag nature of humanity. Every turn you take in life, there will be somebody there that tries to steal from you, defame you, deceive you, harm you, cheat you, etc.. This list goes on and on. The best solution is to just become a misanthrope, and give humanity the finger. Only then will you be free and happy!

dunno what I did to earn this level of hate or in the case of repack, disloyalty.

@godreborn Hey man, I just wanted to thank you for helping out the other day with my, as it turned out, phat PS3 that isn't one of the phat PS3s. Even if you didn't feel like you were all that helpful, I am grateful for your advice. Unfortunately, I have bills that take higher priority than this PS3 does for now, but it's a project I plan on tackling at some point!

As for your experiences, I'm just gonna be honest; these past few years, especially after 2014 I want to say, have proven that the Internet is an easy tool for abuse of all kinds, and is proof that the golden age of the Internet is over; when you aren't dealing with someone in person, let alone even on a voice call of some kind with them, all you have to go off of is whatever the person is telling you that's on the screen, be it text, pictures, music, sound effects, video, etc.. When you mix all of this in with the fact that, when you create accounts on websites, you are putting your personal information on these sites, whether you like it or not, and then mix that in with the possibility that said site could get hacked or, in your case, you apparently piss off some random admin for whatever reason and then they use what dirt they have on you like the fucking mob (as in, the real life mob/yakuza/triad, not the idealized depictions like Kiryu, Majima, Saejima, etc.) to try and put pressure on your personal life by being little petty bitches like what they're doing to you atm because this isn't like on a street where someone harassing you could possibly get their face smashed in either by you or someone who decides to step in and help. Bullies stop when there's a real punishment to be doled out, and not the stupid slap-on-the-wrist nonsense you see nowadays, both online and in the institutions that I personally think we're seeing the failure of more clearly now than ever before. That accountability doesn't exist online like it does offline. It's the same way with gaming online vs. offline nowadays.

For example, in MK11, there's this thing called the Kombat League, which, based on what I've heard from others description of what it's devolved into, it sounds like a big mess for people to get involved in just for the sake of getting some premium skins that, if one really wanted to use them, they could hack them in if they wanted to. Anyways, I heard something about not only are people getting DDOS'ed when playing the game at times, but they're getting straight up hacked. Like, YouTube and Twitch account passwords compromised. And I can imagine some people wondering why I never play games online anymore, and hate when a game depends on a service or server to keep it fun or, in the worst case, playable, even when all you want to do is simply play singleplayer.

I mean, it even has me paranoid about using Parsec, to a certain extent. I still have to get used to it (I couldn't open the overlay menu or even the chat window when I was hosting a game session of MKX two weeks ago with a dude), but from what little I tried of it, it works great! But you can't convince me that anything is 100% safe anymore, especially with hacking activity increasing partially thanks to these lockdowns that isn't helping the social situation of having people actually talking face-to-face in the same room together. I just hope people can return to normal when things are cleared as being safe, and that they haven't got used to this stupid "new normal" that some people want to shove down our throat while using 1984 as a manual and not as a warning as intended.

We getting closer and closer to a world not unlike that of Demolition Man every day, and as someone who lives in what's supposed to be the best and freest country in the history of mankind (and don't get me wrong, we have it real good, which, btw, isn't something to be ashamed of), I really don't like my freedoms being trampled upon, especially when you consider that men and women have bled, cried, and died so that you and I could enjoy life like we do today.



At the end of the day, do what you have to do. I can't say I can relate to schizoaffective disorder specifically, but being someone who's "not normal" even on the autism spectrum can come with challenges that don't compare to what you're experiencing. Just know that there were people who appreciated your help, regardless of what some nobodies in charge of sites hosting tools that can be used to do the things that they're trying to disassociate themselves legally from did or said to you. You do you, and don't forget:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3Sjh_GqCnsM/maxresdefault.jpg

Most "hacks" happen as a result of easy to guess passwords, or weak passwords used on multiple sites where one or more of the sites were compromised and the hash cracked, and sometimes from social engineering/phishing. It's easy to protect yourself against it.

@The Real Jdbye The problem is that, with some sites and forums where downloads are provided, they require you to create a fucking account just to do so, and I always roll my eyes like, "WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO CREATE AN ACCOUNT TO DOWNLOAD SHIT!?"

And the best part is these sites are usually sites that I can't imagine most people visiting nowadays unless if it's for some old stuff (think a lot of the content for MUGEN (which, in the interests of preservation, people should be downloading whatever they can fast, because it's already bad enough having to depend upon the Wayback Machine for a lot of the good old stuff), old software to convert some proprietary console file format to a standard every device can use, etc.) that most don't care about anymore.

But either way, that's more holes in your security, and all to maybe download one or two files for most people I can see using these sites in 2020.

I agree. I have way too many accounts created only to download something or access a page and then never used again, and those sites are most often the ones that end up compromised. That's why I have a throwaway password I use on such sites, not secure at all but it doesn't need to be.

thank you for your kind words everyone. I'm still on that site: https://imgur.com/a2WcOtt

good luck figuring out who I am or how with an ip ban and a proxy sniffer. I might be using a vpn. hmm... the so called dev Joe is begging for money and acting as though everyone is stealing his fixes and backports.

I'll just post this here. I don't know what your beef with me is @STLcardsWS , but I just got a pm saying inappropriate behavior.. you're drunk on power. if anyone is going to destroy psx-place, it is you. I've heard from at least three staff members that they don't like the direction place has taken. people are afraid to post. the slightest miswording and they're banned. you can't be playful either. no bs posts like you can on temp. you must have a stick up your ass, because that's certainly no way to run a website. I bet if bits were here he'd leave to after the way you've treated me. you need to take a good, long look at yourself, do some introspection. I helped someone on place last night, because I felt sorry for them. I knew they wouldn't be helped. you may have experts on the ps3, maybe even the ps2, but that's pretty much it. you've driven everyone else away. it's no one's fault but your own.

Pinky you have some issues and i really hope you get the help you need..

I am drunk on power. Have i banned you? No (could of many times)
I gave you Warning Points.. LoL

Really your worried about badges and warning points.?

BTW stick with a story.
https://www.psx-place.com/threads/pinkys-ps4-tutorials.11148/page-4#post-258896

Cmon guys, don't bring drama from other websites onto GBAtemp. Keep that shit in private.

I agree, but had to address it when mentioned and provide some facts..

Please don't drag outside drama to GBAtemp, if you really have to then keep it in private messages.

Thank you.