The Sandwich recipe

I posted this in a random EoF thread about sandwiches a few minutes ago, but because of how many months of research and development went into this, and how people consider this an 'aspect of my personality', I'd like to make an actual blog post about it. The Sandwich is a grilled cheese with four strips of bacon, four slices of cheese, and a handful of french fries, pressed into one package. Here we go.



Start by preparing your fries. You can get them store-bought, and reheated in an air fryer or an oven, or you can do it homemade with a deep fryer, but either way it's gonna take a while. They'll probably finish around the same time as the bacon.

Next, you want to get a pan and make it hot. If your stove has a knob that reads 1-to-10, I'd say around a 7.
In this pan, start cooking your bacon. You'll need four strips to make The Sandwich. Don't worry about the grease the bacon'll leave behind, that's part of the process. Just be careful not to let it get overcooked, because it'll cook pretty quick at this heat. Although if the grease is popping, turn the heat down.

Once your bacon has reached your desired done-ness, try to soak up some of the grease by placing the strips on some paper towels, and dabbing the top gently with.. more paper towels or napkins. This is optional, but this thing's enough of a punishment to your body as it is without all that. Set it aside, and lower the temperature on your stove a little bit, but don't turn it off yet. You want the pan to cool just a little, but not much. Maybe go from that 7 to 6.5 or 6.

Around now, your fries should be ready. If you fried them with grease or oil, try to drain/dry them as well, because if there's too much excess grease, it'll make the cheese really gross and stop it from melting onto the fries and holding The Sandwich together.

Finally, use some spreadable butter or margarine and prepare your bread. Butter just one side of each slice, and get ready for crunch time, 'cause you gotta do this quick.

First, put a piece of bread in butter-side down. Put a slice of cheese on top, and break two strips of bacon in half to fit on the bread without going over the sides. Put it on top of the cheese. Now, add your second slice of cheese on top of the bacon, and fit a good layer of fries on there. You can pile, or neatly layer, doesn't matter, it's all gonna get eaten anyways. Top with another slice of cheese. Then, finally, stick your final two pieces of bacon on top in the same way as before, and top with your final slice of cheese, then finally, your last slice of bread, butter-side up.

Let this fry in the pan, checking the bottom of the bread occasionally with a spatula to see if it's firmed up. As soon as you notice it has, do your best to flip it. This is a challenge, and you might have more success with tongs than a spatula, but I've perfected the art. Once the other side's on the pan and been cooking for a bit, squish it down with your spatula. Try to compress it a little, but not too much, 'cause the ingredients'll rip through the bread if you try too hard. Once the bread is done on both sides to your liking, and the cheese is all melty, you're done. Take it out of the pan and set it aside. You've made The Sandwich.

I recommend pairing it with a dark soda, I personally like to go with Dr. Pepper or a Real Sugar Pepsi. If you don't like dark sodas, you can easily do a Mountain Dew Code Red, Real Sugar Mountain Dew (Throwback, it's sometimes called), or Sierra Mist/Sprite.

Or water, if you're a pansy. (Note: If you have a health issue that stops you from drinking soda, you probably just shouldn't eat this. Or think about it. You might get ill from either.)

As of what I recommend for ingredients, Swiss, colby jack, sharp cheddar, and pepperjack all work well for the cheese- but only pick one. Don't mix them.

For bread, I've only had it work well with classic white bread and honeybread, but I think it'd pair quite well with good sourdough as well. Wheat bread doesn't grill or toast very well, but you can use it if it's all you've got.

For bacon, I haven't noticed any bad choices. I've tried applewood, hickory smoked, and cherrywood, and I think my favorite pairing is simply just the hickory smoked.


If you're planning on going out with a bang, you can pair this with a cookies 'n cream rootbeer float. Just... be careful.


Really, on that note, this is all HORRIBLY unhealthy. I get away with it because of my unendingly high metabolism (I get hunger pains after around 2 hours from my last meal, I've got a doctor's note about it 'n everything) and I burn through it almost immediately, but most people are different. Make this only if you have a good grasp on your body's limits, at your own risk, and understand I am not liable for any potential health effects of eating, or making The Sandwich, or its recommended beverage pairings. If you're sure you can handle it, have fun, and please DM me your results, or comment them here. I'd love to see I've made a fellow The Sandwichiteer.


Yep, that's basically it. If you have any comments or concerns (that aren't related to my health), feel free to fire away.