There are people who seek many goals once they finish high school. 1st degree? Common. A successful career? Also common. Live independently? At some point, yeah.
I met people who managed to leave their parents' house. Packed up their stuff, found a roommate, and kept doing whatever makes them move forward.
In my case, considering that I'm unemployed, it'll be too soon to leave home. One of my greatest goals is to manage my own life with the money I'll earn on my own.
It may be pretty common to set that for the future, but a goal is a goal. You either dive in, or stay back.
But starting whatever you want to do in life, doesn't always go smooth. After all, there are people who worry about you.
My parents are pretty good at worrying about me. they could make a career out of it!
It's one thing to understand and accept their intention, but it's another thing to cope with it when it collides with my plans.
First of all, as I already noted in my previous blogs, I passed my driving test. Technically I can just take my parents' car and drive anywhere I want(It's a new law in our country, based on age. I probably explained that already).
Problem is...yeah, my parents underestimate my capabilities as a driver. I can't enjoy the highway for a whole minute without one of them telling me tips or telling me where to drive.
It's not like I haven't took 40 lessons plus finished the driving test on my 2nd try, right? "Yeah, but you just started driving without a teacher, so you lack real experience." That's the usual excuse.
It's even more annoying since all the tips I get, are things that I'm fully aware about. I learned everything I need to know as a driver, so it's not like I'm driving fully blind on the highway to hell.
Secondly, my own health. I've got instructions from my doctor for all my needs, and I'm keeping up with everything pretty nicely. It all falls down to weight problems.
To be frank, I don't care about my appearance. I do care a lot about my body, because I already need to deal with a pair of problems, and I wouldn't like to have any more of those.
But when I actually manage to start working out, my parents start putting their noses into my own business. They recommend me things that go against my planned routine, even after I told them I already have stuff on schedule.
They feel responsible as my parents, but in my opinion, if something happens to me(like I dunno, sprain my leg), it's my own responsibility. It would be their responsibility if they were the direct cause to my injury.
And lastly, my social life. I've made some new friends recently in a party. A great bunch. We're gonna watch movies together from now on, and have TV marathons at one of these guys' house.
I'm also considering to find myself a date again. And as you expected, wild parents appear! Obviously using Tackle is not the answer(not throwing a pokeball either).
They're worrying about me meeting my new friends since they never met them and aren't sure if they're dangerous or not. Even on the positive side, they were always suggesting me places to go with friends, and that trend moves on to present day as well.
When it comes to dates, even when it's not on my mind, my mom keeps checking my hygiene, to the point I can't even take a shower in peace without being told to "Wash certain parts carefully" before I go inside the bathroom.
"Girls won't feel comfortable being with you if you don't take a good care of yourself." As true as it is, it irritates me to hear that.
Yeah, sometimes I have important things that i can't leave aside at the moment, so I tend to forget taking a shower and/or taking off clothes I wore for many days, but going with a big remark like "Girls won't feel comfortable being with you" only makes me feel worse.
I know from real experience how uncomfortable it feels to be near someone who stinks, so I'm already capable of preparing myself before I meet other people.
All of those are the main examples, and conveying them my feelings about all this became hard to do as well. I can't find the exact words to say in order to make them understand that I'm capable enough to handle my own problems without their help. They ask me how I'll handle situations that are very likely gonna happen in a few years from now. Why? Why talk about things that will only be relevant in the future? When I'll get to the bridge, I'll cross it. Simple as that.
It's either that kind of response, or they respond in a way that make it sound like I'm blaming them for my troubles, and that "They are bad parents". That alone makes me feel guilty for my OWN FEELINGS, like I can't be true to myself without hurting someone close to me in the process. I can't blame them for things they do from a good and caring intention, so I can't tell them to stop that either. They can only stop this by themselves, which can happen if I prove them I'm capable enough to do all this and that....and as I was implying throughout this huge wall of text, their own intention, is what prevents me from proving them my own capabilities.
Here's a simple example: I almost made a traffic accident out of high pressure. That pressure occurred to me because my mom didn't stop criticizing me and giving me tips on the way, so it made me lose my focus and I moved to another lane too early. (Luckily, the car on that lane slowed down a little, but he still honked on me for what i've done)
In other words, she wanted to help, but didn't understand that it makes me lose focus in real time. Even in my driving lessons, me and my teacher didn't talk in areas that require my full focus.
So if telling her she's to blame for my own pressure is wrong, and asking her to not talk to me while I drive is wrong(because she'll insist that I need to listen to her), then how I'll prove her I'm a capable driver that doesn't need anyone to watch his back?
I'm working on solutions for all these issues with my psychologist. we might come up with a miracle, for all I hope. Despite everything, they are still my parents who helped me grow up to the person I am today, and no one else can replace them.
If things do get better, I'll make another blog post.
I met people who managed to leave their parents' house. Packed up their stuff, found a roommate, and kept doing whatever makes them move forward.
In my case, considering that I'm unemployed, it'll be too soon to leave home. One of my greatest goals is to manage my own life with the money I'll earn on my own.
It may be pretty common to set that for the future, but a goal is a goal. You either dive in, or stay back.
But starting whatever you want to do in life, doesn't always go smooth. After all, there are people who worry about you.
My parents are pretty good at worrying about me. they could make a career out of it!
It's one thing to understand and accept their intention, but it's another thing to cope with it when it collides with my plans.
First of all, as I already noted in my previous blogs, I passed my driving test. Technically I can just take my parents' car and drive anywhere I want(It's a new law in our country, based on age. I probably explained that already).
Problem is...yeah, my parents underestimate my capabilities as a driver. I can't enjoy the highway for a whole minute without one of them telling me tips or telling me where to drive.
It's not like I haven't took 40 lessons plus finished the driving test on my 2nd try, right? "Yeah, but you just started driving without a teacher, so you lack real experience." That's the usual excuse.
It's even more annoying since all the tips I get, are things that I'm fully aware about. I learned everything I need to know as a driver, so it's not like I'm driving fully blind on the highway to hell.
Secondly, my own health. I've got instructions from my doctor for all my needs, and I'm keeping up with everything pretty nicely. It all falls down to weight problems.
To be frank, I don't care about my appearance. I do care a lot about my body, because I already need to deal with a pair of problems, and I wouldn't like to have any more of those.
But when I actually manage to start working out, my parents start putting their noses into my own business. They recommend me things that go against my planned routine, even after I told them I already have stuff on schedule.
They feel responsible as my parents, but in my opinion, if something happens to me(like I dunno, sprain my leg), it's my own responsibility. It would be their responsibility if they were the direct cause to my injury.
And lastly, my social life. I've made some new friends recently in a party. A great bunch. We're gonna watch movies together from now on, and have TV marathons at one of these guys' house.
I'm also considering to find myself a date again. And as you expected, wild parents appear! Obviously using Tackle is not the answer(not throwing a pokeball either).
They're worrying about me meeting my new friends since they never met them and aren't sure if they're dangerous or not. Even on the positive side, they were always suggesting me places to go with friends, and that trend moves on to present day as well.
When it comes to dates, even when it's not on my mind, my mom keeps checking my hygiene, to the point I can't even take a shower in peace without being told to "Wash certain parts carefully" before I go inside the bathroom.
"Girls won't feel comfortable being with you if you don't take a good care of yourself." As true as it is, it irritates me to hear that.
Yeah, sometimes I have important things that i can't leave aside at the moment, so I tend to forget taking a shower and/or taking off clothes I wore for many days, but going with a big remark like "Girls won't feel comfortable being with you" only makes me feel worse.
I know from real experience how uncomfortable it feels to be near someone who stinks, so I'm already capable of preparing myself before I meet other people.
All of those are the main examples, and conveying them my feelings about all this became hard to do as well. I can't find the exact words to say in order to make them understand that I'm capable enough to handle my own problems without their help. They ask me how I'll handle situations that are very likely gonna happen in a few years from now. Why? Why talk about things that will only be relevant in the future? When I'll get to the bridge, I'll cross it. Simple as that.
It's either that kind of response, or they respond in a way that make it sound like I'm blaming them for my troubles, and that "They are bad parents". That alone makes me feel guilty for my OWN FEELINGS, like I can't be true to myself without hurting someone close to me in the process. I can't blame them for things they do from a good and caring intention, so I can't tell them to stop that either. They can only stop this by themselves, which can happen if I prove them I'm capable enough to do all this and that....and as I was implying throughout this huge wall of text, their own intention, is what prevents me from proving them my own capabilities.
Here's a simple example: I almost made a traffic accident out of high pressure. That pressure occurred to me because my mom didn't stop criticizing me and giving me tips on the way, so it made me lose my focus and I moved to another lane too early. (Luckily, the car on that lane slowed down a little, but he still honked on me for what i've done)
In other words, she wanted to help, but didn't understand that it makes me lose focus in real time. Even in my driving lessons, me and my teacher didn't talk in areas that require my full focus.
So if telling her she's to blame for my own pressure is wrong, and asking her to not talk to me while I drive is wrong(because she'll insist that I need to listen to her), then how I'll prove her I'm a capable driver that doesn't need anyone to watch his back?
I'm working on solutions for all these issues with my psychologist. we might come up with a miracle, for all I hope. Despite everything, they are still my parents who helped me grow up to the person I am today, and no one else can replace them.
If things do get better, I'll make another blog post.
