How do you even bond with a niece/nephew?

Probably that is a questions not many people ask themselves... or perhaps it is?
No idea... perhaps it's just socially unskilled people, or perhaps it's pretty common actually.

The thing is I have this niece that I think I barely know.
Why you ask? (ask? lol, probably you already TL;DRd this shit)

Well, I live way too far, I perhaps meet my brother and his family once a year and so... I barely really know what kind of person she is growing into.
Does that matter? Certainly not, but I feel like a shitty uncle.
All I ever do is bring stupid gifts that I don't even know if she would like. Kind of as saying "sorry" I guess?
Why can't I be bothered to make an effort? Yeah, I feel guilt but I don't care enough.
I think I can at least hold some conversation when I am physically there, not much anyway.

The worst part is she really tries to bond with me, she sends me messages from time to time... stupid kid messages, but sure she is trying to say "hello" in some way, or "don't forget me" or something. Yet the shitty old fart I am I kind of find them awkward, annoying and kiddish, well she is a kid what might you expect.

I would say it breaks my heart seeing her try, but given that I end up ignoring most of it, it would probably be better suited to say "I have no heart" at all.
Perhaps I am not a peoples person, sure not a kids person... But what a shitty uncle anyway.

Damn, shouldn't write blog posts when I am half drunk.
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H1B1Esquire
Treat her like you would if she was your own child, minus the diapers/feeding/having to parent.

I've raised a decent number of kids, from my sister, to the children of all my exes and I can tell you, being the Uncle is easier than being "other Dad".

Give it some time--maybe she'll be like you?

Btw, drunk everything is the best way to do anything.
 
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FAST6191
It depends upon ages and preferences I tend to find. Bonding with a 5 year old girl that is super into their boring as shit cartoons is harder than a 13 year old boy who likes computer games, building stuff and blowing stuff up... assuming their parents are OK with the latter (I try not to have safety freak germphobes in my list of people I know well enough to know their kids but sometimes you come unstuck).
Some question my policy here but I also tend to treat kids like people, which is to say I don't have a special way of talking to them or interacting with them. Might not be ideal if you are raising them but if you are only doing the 5 hours and then give them back as they smell routine then it is all good.

As far as gifts go then while money is super lazy it is super easy.

As far as messages go then while I am equally heartless you could trick yourself and put it on the calendar as a task (randomise dates a bit if you want).

With regards to the guilt thing there is an old phrase. "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family". Given most people tend to also somehow get the idea that "family comes first"... yeah.


 
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catlover007
I can only speak from the perspective of a nephew who sees his uncles a few times a year. I never had much to do with any of them, until I got interested in Pokemon. My mother is the oldest sibling and has three brothers. One of them lent me his Gold Edition and later the Yellow Edition. Later we visited the Pokemon Day event. It's not like we started spending a ton of time together, we didn't even talked much about Pokemon. We just had something in common I and my mother hadn't.
 
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Quantumcat
It is easy for me, both my nieces live within an hour of me and I see them once or twice a month. I adore both of them.

Do try and send messages back, poor mite :(
 
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Mythical
Sometimes it's hard to care about things at the right time for whatever reason. When you're feeling like that and don't text back maybe try to think about how you'll feel later if you don't do anything. Then think about how'd you feel later if you did what you were having trouble doing. In this case feeling better about having bonded with a family member that you don't see a lot
 
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TheZander
what i've done in the past when i had this similar issue was order a chuck'e cheese costume to be sent to my house. They're not that expensive and you can even buy a knock off version kids really do not care or notice. basically just wear the costume whenever you can and when visiting the kid make sure to have a nice looking boombox for authenticity and blast some good tunes. Personally I recommend buying the add-on sunglasses because they do add an additional flavor of cool however if you do not think you can pull off the mouse in shades look I understand.
 
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UltraDolphinRevolution
It's also the parents' responsibility/choice to decide how closely the child bonds with other family members by either exposing him/her to them regularly or not.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
 
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Redhorse
Why not ask her a question...about anything, preferably something that reveal s who she is, what she likes etc... That will keep her talking, show you're interested/ care and help you find out something about her... Example; do you belong to any clubs after school? What do you go with friends in your free time? Do you have any hobbies? What are your plans for your future? People love to talk about themselves, and in doing so it makes you seem like the best conversationalist in the world
 
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Redhorse
I would add to that a bonding and Rapport technique is to ask them a favor have them do something for you something within their capability or skill-set they'll be glad to do it for you and feel a connection with you in the process, even if you don't need it done.
 
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sarkwalvein
I agree that spending time with them is the better option, the thing is I don't really believe "virtual" non face-to-face time counts at all really, and oh well, travelling half the planet to visit my brother's family more than once... perhaps twice a year is not really an option from a what-my-wallet-can-do point of view.

I should work on making those few days visits matter, some of the suggestions here already seem like something I could put into practice... also perhaps spending time together "virtually" works regarding bonding for some people, hmmm... but I don't see how really, non face-to-face communication feels so shallow, social network shit, messaging, etc it just doesn't work for me.
 
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x65943
I got 5 nieces/nephews and another one coming in April

Tbh at some point you can't be best friends with all of them.

Try to maximize the time you get with them and keep an open ear if they need life advice - but you're never gonna be their parent and the relationship will always be a little stilted. That's the truth of it.
 
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