Love Triangle? Not really

Ahh, memories.

My girlfriend and me have been together for 5 years now. Constant breakups and makeups. And I can say I've experienced this as well.

Agjsdfd, what you can do is either compete with the guy, or wait for her. The second part being the "painful" choice.

It is easier to say that "if she doesn't choose you, you can just let her go and move on" than to do it. I know. As patient a person as I am, I can't wait for a long time just to find out later that she doesn't choose me.

Anyway, show her the qualities she liked about you, emphasize it. Be a "friend", not a lover. This step will assure you that you wont get hurt too much at the time of judgment. And if she does choose you, more power.

You can't force her to choose you. No!
Let her see the guy's qualities, good or bad. She'll learn. If i may ask though, how old are you guys??

Maybe I am biased based on my experiences, but I found that the probability of you getting torn apart emotionally is far higher if you try to make things better with her. However, I found out that I learn from my mistakes so going through hell myself may have been a good thing.

Sounds like she's too young for any relationship.

It's a key sign that someone is too young for a relationship (or too immature rather) when trust issues happen often, and yet still don't really phase the person being hurt.

She should have been able to realize that if the guy has been untrustworthy multiple times, that he's useless and never going to be a good person to be with.

Your relationship isn't very strong if she's actually confused at this point over who to be with.
Not your fault at all by the sounds of it.

Be there for her, but don't force yourself on her. It's her decision to make, but remember if she doesn't choose you, it wasn't your fault. It was hers for not being ready for a real relationship.

Thanks for your replies guys.

Shes 17, and I am 19.

She definetely is a weird and unique girl.. I am completely under pressure of what action to take...
Yesterday, it started all with she wanted to be with me and leave her EX.. then at night she wasnt texting me all the sudden.. SO I asked her what happend.. she goes "I am sorry, I dont know what to do.. your confusion is nothing compared to mine"

So once again I have to stay away and wait for her to contact me.. BUT as I said shes a weird one.. what if I stay away and she just thinks that I started hating her? She could make wrong assumptions..

I love her alot.. its been longer than five months that I know her, and we are together for 2 months... BUT each time I hug her it feels like the first time.. I cant let her go.

Today, she told me she wont say anything to confuse me until she has everything cleared. So what do I do?

Matters of the heart are something very complex, I didn't get a whole lot of girlfriends, but doesn't mean I didn't get to like girls and reflect on things.

By experience, if she's confused you may as well give her the space she needs. Might be hard for you, trust me I know. But a girl that is conflicted can't possibly make you happy, her and you will be thinking about what's going on every time, and there's nothing good about that, it will only poison the whole thing slowly.

The best thing to do is give her the time to realize what's better for her. Personally, girls that switch around like that wouldn't be worth my time, I'd think that she doesn't love me as much as I love her if she kept thinking back to her ex. I'd take my loss and move on. But if you don't want to entirely give up, it's better to avoid the drama and let her sort out things. If she comes back to you in the end, it will be by her own decision, not pressure you put on her.

Just my two cent.

I totally agree with everything that has been said so far...
I guess my only bet would be staying away from her for now.
She is still texting me, and it seems she is madly thinking about her actions, because she doesnt sound emotionally weak at all right now.
I havent asked her about this at all..

1 week is the maximum I can take.. the things has been way to shakey. I would have to keep up the hope and move on..

I had a similar situation myself, and the worst thing to do is think you were the problem.

Not everyone is compatible either, you just make yourself believe that everything's perfect, until the flaws overcome and qualities and end in tears and screams. If she thinks about and choose the ex, then she wasn't the one for you.

It's a good idea to let her know that you ARE serious, that you're not 'letting her go'. There's a part of us that needs to be 'jealous' and 'greedy' in relationships too, just not to extremes of course. For that you can tell her that you're waiting on her nonetheless, and you're with her whatever her choice is. That you'd prefer if she picked you of course, but that you can't force her feelings either.

I believe that's a good approach as it makes you look like the good guy, and if things go sour between her and her ex, you don't have to feel guilty as it was her choice, not through guilt but through understanding of her situation.

[quote name='FranckKnight' post='2963194' date='Jul 5 2010, 10:03 PM']I had a similar situation myself, and the worst thing to do is think you were the problem.

Not everyone is compatible either, you just make yourself believe that everything's perfect, until the flaws overcome and qualities and end in tears and screams. If she thinks about and choose the ex, then she wasn't the one for you.

It's a good idea to let her know that you ARE serious, that you're not 'letting her go'. There's a part of us that needs to be 'jealous' and 'greedy' in relationships too, just not to extremes of course. For that you can tell her that you're waiting on her nonetheless, and you're with her whatever her choice is. That you'd prefer if she picked you of course, but that you can't force her feelings either.

I believe that's a good approach as it makes you look like the good guy, and if things go sour between her and her ex, you don't have to feel guilty as it was her choice, not through guilt but through understanding of her situation.[/quote]
Very Nicely said bro .
Yes I am approaching this way, giving her space, giving her time to relax and do things.

But you know, no matter what I try to do; at the end I really want her strongly so nothing goes the right direction.
But for now.. I can only let her decide things...


**Extra**

I told a friend of mine to add her EX on FB to kind of spy on him.. and it seems he really is playing around. He says "he is single and doesnt have anyone in his mind".
Would it be wise to say that to her?

I'd say to let her play the game with him, let the ex do his move and her take her decision. You're in a seat to look like the good guy if you let things go on their own, while he can only look like the bad guy if he screws up one millimeter.

Yes, I suppose.
Thanks for your time bro .

A week from now, and things should be clear. I havent been able to do much these days... So I bought a bunch of books to read and concentrate on those instead.

She says she needs time to figure out things...
How can I just accept that...


I guess I will be moving on taking her decision as negative and move on positively

Dude, she doesn't deserve you, let her go back to that cunt ex, and let her live a misserable life.
What's up with that "I dont really know..."thing...?
Cmon, you love someone or you don't.

If you are confused about an ex, that's a sign she didnt really closed that part of her life yet, and she should.

Some may say I'm too young for this... but no, not really.
I agree with Wabsta. You should leave her. But in your situation, you should totally try convincing her to stop listening to that guy, to stop lingering to old memories. There's no point, you blew it multiple times, you get over it.
Now it's your choice. You break up for the best, or you try convincing her to stay with you. Try talking with her alone, the kind of serious talk, you know. Ask her how she really feels. And show her you really love her. Just don't interrogate her, or do anything way too fancy. It's a bad idea.

Ask yourself if you can handle being with someone so attached to her ex and not necessarily to you.

Could you live with that?
Could you allow that to eat away at your mind?

If she's not sure if she loves you then don't be too quick to take her back, her priorities aren't exactly straight.

Had a somewhat similar situation. though i was the EX. lol, but i only broke her trust one big time, and i myself, went away from her, but the i couldnt really stand being away from her so i tried to go back and win her trust, but someone else was already trying to make a move on her. so I had to compete with his guy.

in the end i did win her back and promise to never ever leave her again, but now were on a long distance relationship, so..

anyways, i looked at the situation as war. you need to plan some shit down.
you need to occupy all her time so that she wont have time for the other, but still give her space.

There are certain detailts that I havent said or cant say...
BUT it WOULD BE HARD FOR ME BECAUSE OF THOSE THINGS to move on without her..


Not just in a normal break up situation, alot more shit deeply twisted.