Not sure if going back to work was such a good idea. I'm still living on Ibuprofen. There was blood in my urine last night, probably from over-usage. I took three instead of two twice yesterday.
But that's not what's killing me. I think I could work through the physical pain. I just wasn't prepared for the savage hostility displayed by a handful of people I work with. One, a guy who is new who took over another department, and the other my underling who was standing in for me while I was away. I'm not sure if she wants my position, or if she is not used to taking instruction from me again, or a mixture of both. I told my supervisor I wouldn't stand in his way if he wanted to replace me -- I understood if he felt a need.
And I'm angry. I'm pretty pissed off I lived, to be honest. I think I just wanted quiet. I don't know what happens after life is gone. I don't think any of us do, or maybe some of us do. I don't know that either. I just feel angry that I lost a peace I was so desperately hoping for -- needing, wanting...I don't know.
But that's not what's killing me. I think I could work through the physical pain. I just wasn't prepared for the savage hostility displayed by a handful of people I work with. One, a guy who is new who took over another department, and the other my underling who was standing in for me while I was away. I'm not sure if she wants my position, or if she is not used to taking instruction from me again, or a mixture of both. I told my supervisor I wouldn't stand in his way if he wanted to replace me -- I understood if he felt a need.
And I'm angry. I'm pretty pissed off I lived, to be honest. I think I just wanted quiet. I don't know what happens after life is gone. I don't think any of us do, or maybe some of us do. I don't know that either. I just feel angry that I lost a peace I was so desperately hoping for -- needing, wanting...I don't know.
