Where to start?
Today, I did some thinking, I usually dislike thinking stuff about myself cause is depressing but sometimes I slip into that bad habit, first I noticed I think I'm not a prideful person. I dunno why but I just am not. I done things I feel are at a comfort level. I play video games, no I don't have any world records in speed runs, no I don't play professionally, and win all the time. But I do have a few platinum trophies on playstation network. Sometimes I see others, yeah at times i can be jealous, they did better than me, but is nothing too upsetting to me. I wish I could do that but that is all. I try to move on to things, so I'm just a person who likes comfort than taking risk. I have taken many risk before in the past, most of the time it ends in me getting duped or even with no closure. I had people bait me into things, thinking I made friends then get no more responses from them as if they just ignored me. But yeah, happens to me all the time. Not sure if i should just accept it or do something about it. Mostly I wouldn't know what to do, so I move on.
Vs the internet
Next I noticed that I am a complicated competitive person. While I do like playing games with people, I find it better than playing alone, sometimes I wish I was playing alone. There is online games now and days, try playing a few, don't always play too long. One thing I stay away from is the ranking mode, honestly I don't care about my rank, so i do casual games. (F.Y.I there is some verbally abusive people on rank modes, so try playing with friends, or turn off speech with strangers, and blacklist them if they spam your inbox cause you most likely will get a insult if you win or lose) While I don't care too much about glory or score or online records, I do care about having fun, is losing fun? Not always, you win some and lose some, unless you one of the people who always win or lose... I dunno what to say.
Regrets?
Another thing I noticed, plenty of regrets talking to people, I never know what will happen when i talk to someone but when I do is usually regret. The reason is why? Well I tried talking to someone today, I noticed that when I talk to someone and want to relay information about things, that is all i wanted to do. But what happens next? They feel the need to wanna tell me something as if I had no idea. Then people say to me I don't like to listen to people.... maybe they are right. I like to listen when I ask someone a question. That is why I bother asking. I don't go to people standing there waiting for them to notice something wrong and get lectured unless I ask about it. I don't want a 5+ minutes reply on something that starts to drift into other things that isn't relevant to what was previously in discussion. If you ever notice someone going off track of the topic of discussion, stop them and kindly remind them of it. No they won't always return positive response but it may save you some time on extended conversations.
communities
Last thing has to be people's unwilling to conversate. This one is the biggest struggle not just for me but humans in general, anyone could have this problem. I been here a year, on this forum. I see people respond with some of the most outrageous replies a person can get. Some funny, some harsh, some could be out of frustration etc. Yes and I admit even me sometimes. Thinking about it, I feel bad those times. People are surrounded by people, is called a Community, we all here are part of one. When I ask questions, I do not ask for any reason that is unnecessary. Sometimes I ask questions, I can find online, sometimes I can't. But I ask them, and hoping SOMEBODY on the forum will kindly reply to it with the information I asked. No I don't expect them to, from what I seen here, I can't expect anything but expect the unexpected.
While I learn not to expect anything as I have not much input here or control over things, I can only hope someone is reading my post, thinking of something to support me and allowing me to get somewhere on quest for whatever it is at the time. I can hope that when people are reading and thinking of posting, is something looking forward to reading. I can hope that someone isn't gonna just post a link of some kind, use the obnoxious "Let me google that for you" joke or tell me to go look it up, or say something even more disturbing worth wasting my time to read. (Yes that last part is subjective so I don't mind if you disagree) I ask questions to start a conversation, not to be told something that seem like the person replying has no interest in replying but did just to reply. Conversation is the majority of reasons why my post exist, this is a community, even in real life, is the same thing. I could ask obvious things, people think is sarcasm or "trolling" I'm asking to start a conversation.
Now I do take responsibility for some bad conversations, I don't always know what to say at specific times, and I hate keeping people waiting for reply so I just get something there. Obviously I was pressured and can't keep up with others who has sharper minds. The things I say aren't the best responses, and after thinking over some more, I could have done better, but is in the past so what is done is done. Once again, pressured and rushed. Try to think about it as unprepared for a exam or even performing on stage and choking during the big moment. It happens to lots of people. Another thing is having problems understanding what people are telling me, yes I try my best and always have, but I just have trouble understanding, I'm sorry if I can't get as intellectual as you or miss some key parts of the chat.
In the end, somethings I haven't done so well, and wish I could have done better, some things I want to change about myself, maybe be a bit more proactive, but as many times as I have tried to make something new happen, it usually doesn't go well so I'm just gonna end it here and hope I evolve and mature a bit more. Eventually be in a better mood for somethings, go to people instead of waiting for people to come to me.
