So I have started going proper deaf

My hearings never being cracking, though selective. I don't know exactly what the problem is but I do know it was a birth defect, and caused probably by a combination of being prem and having bad genes. I do know hearing aids won't help. I've always had, erm... difficulties I guess is the right word, with sounds mainly around the human vocal range. But with a lot of training and a bit of concentration I learned to get by and speak and listen to people in such a way I sort of forgot, and others never really realised, I had a problem at all. I only had to bring it up when new people/friends tried to get my attention when I couldn't see them.

I know I should have expected this but things are getting worse, and I've had the tests to prove it now so can't ignore it any longer. And I should have noticed it happening over the last year or two. I stopped asking people to repeat themselves because it became utterly pointless. Stopped going places that play music, to the cinema, theatre, gigs, stopped getting together and doing some harmless gossiping with the neighbours (yes seriously harmless, I live that sort of place), meeting anywhere outside of someone's home, getting together with anyone in a group larger 5, larger than 3, larger than 2 other people... just because it's getting so pointless to even bother trying.

And I can't bring myself to tell anyone, I've stopped talking to most my friends and family, definitely driven away for good most of the ones who've being continuously trying to work out what's wrong with me and keep me going. And there's someone I'm totally taking advantage off basically because I'm expecting to have to resign the rest of my life to nothing but the intertubes, games and books for company. I'm turning into someone I can't stand and I'm fucking terrified beyond belief.

And the ultimate proof of my complete cowardice. I have to pour this all out over a fucking forum, behind a mask of anonymity while being perfectly aware it's not really that bad a fucking problem to begin with when you get down to it.

Comments

stinkoman
Sounds awful, man. Sorry to hear it. Why can't you tell anyone, though? Might help if they learn sign language before you lose your hearing completely. I hate to be a downer, but it's really the best way to go at it. Any specific reason you're against telling them?
 
DigitalDeviant
Dude you can talk to us, but please tell your family as well, the people that care about you the most should be supporting you.
 
Rydian
If you need somebody to talk to over IMs I'm available, I'll listen to rants.

Idunno' if I have some great advice, but I will listen.
 
Nick Nack
My mom has otosclerosis and possible deafness, but there are treatments.I have a lot of problems with my right ear.I can hear but a lot of times my ear clogs and hurts.(Sorry i dont know if i have any language mistakes).Also sorry to hear it.Please can anyone tell me if i wrote everything right?
 
boombox
This sounds like a very scary situation you're in right now, but you've got to get out of it, and get more positive things going on. A sign language course would be a god start, like Chao1212 said.

Tell your parents, aren't they the main root of your support? You can't cut yourself off from them? Do you not trust them?

You're friends won't ditch you if they've found out about your problem, and if they did, then they're not good friends anyway! It's times like these you'll know who your REAL friends are, and you'll become closer than ever.

Your first step is to come to terms with what you have, tell your family, perhaps get them to learn sign language, I'm sure they'll push the boat out to help their own son. Taking these steps should get you somewhere more positive in your life...please don't turn into a loner, it won't get you anywhere in life.
 
cwstjdenobs
Oh thanks guys, but I didn't really expect any replies. Just needed to get it out there so to speak.

And why aren't I telling people? I'm not sure. I've always being the person who just deals with shit, and this is something I could do fine until it started getting worse. I fix other peoples problems, I'm the one who stays calm in an emergency and makes sure life carries on as normal as possible. I don't get real problems, or at least let them bother me. I can't do this right now, I'm getting angry all the time and taking it out on everyone.

And I think some of it is I'm just embarrassed. I used to work with people with serious physical disabilities, and until recently my job still involved making equipment for them. Compared to a lot of them I'm being pathetic. I feel like I've broken my leg and I'm feeling sorry for myself while there's someone with two false legs happily trying to get on with walking and laughing off their own problems.

EDIT: @chao1212 I could teach them to sign myself, but it's not just English with your hands, it's a complete language of it's own. Expecting people to adapt to me like that sort of feels like moving abroad to a country I can speak the language of even if not so well, but refusing to and expecting them to speak English.
 
FAST6191
Are you sure a hearing aid will not sort things? Things have improved a great deal these last couple of years for your basic hearing aids (you say vocal tones- the manufacturers know this and sort things accordingly in modern devices) and you might even be able to score something nice on the NHS (if not they are not terribly dear) and this says nothing of the stuff you can get if you fancy going under the knife. All sorts of nice things get wound into hearing aids these days (bluetooth ones are quite common).

Do also consider getting your GP to get you a referral to someone who deals with this- there are a whole host of things that cause hearing loss and some can be straight up cured with relative ease and there are plenty of others in the "better if you catch it early" class of things to say nothing of it possibly being something on top of the initial problem.
If not for your own enjoyment then consider others- we tend to use our hearing to modulate our voices and I am guessing as well as your not being able to hear so well I am guessing "stop mumbling" has become a phrase you hear a lot.

Bonus from this sort of thing you is you tend to get lip reading abilities but as fun as it is being able to hold a conversation in a noisy pub without making a sound (between motorbikes, genetics, power tools and concerts me and mine have somewhat weak hearing abilities) I would sooner have better hearing.
 
cwstjdenobs
Wow thanks for the list of advice, but I'll just respond to this bit.

[quote name='FAST6191' post='3731780' date='Jun 22 2011, 05:31 PM']Are you sure a hearing aid will not sort things? Things have improved a great deal these last couple of years for your basic hearing aids (you say vocal tones- the manufacturers know this and sort things accordingly in modern devices)[/quote]

Actually I'm not sure about the new ones. I'm guessing this is why they made a big deal about them going digital a few years ago? I've just being told that it didn't work as a child, I ended up tearing them off all the time the story goes, and that it probably never would. I'm guessing they can do a much better job of "tuning" them now? I know that hearing aids are generally set up in the vocal range, but can they not amplify select frequency ranges within that now?

And oh dear, asking all these questions when I just should google it.

EDIT: And yes, I hear stop mumbling quite a bit, but stop shouting an awful lot more.
 
FAST6191
At first the digital bit was the usual marketing fluff but yeah tuning select frequency ranges up or down right up to the ten or less Hz increments is nothing and I am told they have some other more interesting digital signals processing abilities these days (frequency shifting although you might have to search for that and people will sound odd, dynamic response/shifting, noise cancellation, I am told a measure of self learning/adjustment and more).
Granted you probably get to sit there and program it but you say tests so I guess you sat through those "press the button/make a signal when you hear a tone" things. Certainly though the "just makes background noise louder" days are a thing of the past.
 
stinkoman
[quote name='cwstjdenobs' post='3731618' date='Jun 23 2011, 02:41 AM']Oh thanks guys, but I didn't really expect any replies. Just needed to get it out there so to speak.

And why aren't I telling people? I'm not sure. I've always being the person who just deals with shit, and this is something I could do fine until it started getting worse. I fix other peoples problems, I'm the one who stays calm in an emergency and makes sure life carries on as normal as possible. I don't get real problems, or at least let them bother me. I can't do this right now, I'm getting angry all the time and taking it out on everyone.

And I think some of it is I'm just embarrassed. I used to work with people with serious physical disabilities, and until recently my job still involved making equipment for them. Compared to a lot of them I'm being pathetic. I feel like I've broken my leg and I'm feeling sorry for myself while there's someone with two false legs happily trying to get on with walking and laughing off their own problems.

EDIT: @chao1212 I could teach them to sign myself, but it's not just English with your hands, it's a complete language of it's own. Expecting people to adapt to me like that sort of feels like moving abroad to a country I can speak the language of even if not so well, but refusing to and expecting them to speak English.[/quote]
They're your family and friends, dude. If they love you, they'll learn. If they don't, fuck 'em.
 
omgpwn666
Me saying this probably wont help you out at all, but thankfully you're not blind. I do wish you the best of luck on dealing with this, I'm sure you can handle it though. There are people with worse issues out there who deal with their issues, you can do this. It has got to be scary, but as with everything, you will get used to that new life style.
 
cwstjdenobs
Well updates. I've calmed down a lot. Think I've got over the initial shock now.

@FAST6191. I've made an appointment with my GP. I was pretty much meant to anyway, I had a letter to hand in. I just sort of went numb when they told me the results....

@chao1212, DigitalDeviant, and boombox. I'm going to tell people. I've made a start with my best friend (admittedly via txt, but he is in another country right now). The reply I got back was "I know", lol. I've arranged to meet up with my mother next week and I'm going to tell her then. Neither of us are very good on the phone. Once that's out of the way I'll have no problems telling anyone else. Funny that makes it sound like I'm coming out of the closet...

@Nick Nack. Sorry for not replying earlier, I understood what you where saying with no trouble.

And @omgpwn666, lol no worries. Like I said my reaction was bothering me more than the thing itself. Like you said though, it's not like I'm going blind or anything like that.
 
Coto
Wow, sorry to read that.

I´ve also my own problems, at least you can find solutions for it. Nothing that good is that good, nothing that bad is that bad. Time to build up some respect for you. I highly doubt you family will treat you bad, and it's always a good thing to be open-minded.

Rant are often seen here, but it really depends on who and why to get proper answers, so np.
 
Cyan
I think the people you met up until now already know.
Like your friend, he noticed that you had a hearing problem. Yes, it's noticeable when you speak, I'm working with a lot of people and I can tell the one having hearing/speaking problem (maybe not all of them ? and they have different levels of deafness, so it might not always be noticeable).


Maybe you could tell them that it worsened (instead of telling them you have a problem). that way you can see who noticed it, and if they weren't aware then they will ask and talk about it.
It's just supposition, I don't know your family/friend/neighbors.

I wish you that all will go well when you decide to tell them.



Do you know if it's a ear problem (like a defective timpani?) or a brain problem ?

You are saying that reading is your last possibility. I always thought about the worst illness I could have, I think it's being blind. I will miss playing, reading, internet-ing, moving freely without external help, cooking, eating (seeing what I'm eating/cutting) etc.
If you can't see, music is your last possibility too, there's even less things you can doo :(

You should try to learn sign language. (I heard it takes about 2 years to learn).
I think unknown people (like when shopping), are more accepting someone open which explains with gestures that he can't ear, than someone trying to hide and let them talk until they notice you don't ear a thing.


Sorry for all the disorganized answers :P
 

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