Can you peer review my essay?

[Deleted member 608654]

This is an essay for my final project in English. Can you guys read the essay and give your ideas to improve it? Thank you.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14VL4-wuZA_B4Tc5Np5FO6c1jHBoLUmRjuf14gZyla0w

 

[BlazeMasterBM]

Well, this is interesting. But as a college student myself (and someone who took Advanced English in high school), I can help you.

For starters, if "Against the imposing oligarchy: How three texts interact with the relations between workers and superiors" is supposed to be the title, capitalize it. So it would now be: "Against the Imposing Oligarchy: How Three Texts Interact with the Relations Between Workers and Superiors"

I believe "world war ii" should also be written as "World War II"

on page 3, you forgot to capitalize Obama.

"Set in contemporary American work culture, where most white-collar professionals dedicate their lives towards oiling the capitalist economy, often neglecting themselves in the process." This sentence is incomplete. Try connecting it somehow, like starting with "This story is set in contemporary American work culture".... so on..

 

[Deleted member 608654]

Well, this is interesting. But as a college student myself (and someone who took Advanced English in high school), I can help you.

For starters, if "Against the imposing oligarchy: How three texts interact with the relations between workers and superiors" is supposed to be the title, capitalize it. So it would now be: "Against the Imposing Oligarchy: How Three Texts Interact with the Relations Between Workers and Superiors"

I believe "world war ii" should also be written as "World War II"

on page 3, you forgot to capitalize Obama.

"Set in contemporary American work culture, where most white-collar professionals dedicate their lives towards oiling the capitalist economy, often neglecting themselves in the process." This sentence is incomplete. Try connecting it somehow, like starting with "This story is set in contemporary American work culture".... so on..

Thank you for providing invaluable assistance to me!

 

[BlazeMasterBM]

Thank you for providing invaluable assistance to me!

No problem ! I wish I could have given more feedback on the actual substance of the essay, but I've never read any of those works. From my standpoint, though, it looks great. Hope you get a good grade