lol I didn't expect you of all people to noob bash. You're not at fault though, it gets pretty frustrating when someone doesn't get the faintest on what you're trying to explain to them.
please relax, take your mind off it.
You should share with us your switch setup. Cfw, tools, homebrew, bootloard, etc. Your full switch stack, and the reasons why if you're feeling nice ;p
You can get older ones even like the pi 3,4 for cheap, but they don't play gamecube, Wii etc very well. Be warned they use a Linux os, which you need to load onto a micro SD card yourself. You can find pre built images like "retro-pie" online free tho which makes it easy to setup.