pizza sauce massacre

so i had to blow my nose right, and i seen i already had a 'clean' tissue laying around. i go to use it, and blow my nose right into a metric ton of pizza sauce. at first i was like WHAT THE FUCK then i remembered that i had some pizza on a napkin earlier and it spilt. so i go to leave my room to go to the washroom, right. and my mom walks up and she sees me with a bunch of red sauce on my nose with my hand trying to stop it from dripping everywhere. she says, "ARE YOU OKAY!? DO YOU NEED HELP!?" and rushed up the stairs, tripped, ate shit and looked up. now my mother has an ACTUAL bloody nose and i burst out laughing, drop my hands from my face and pizza sauce drips onto the carpet. she tries to get up, and places her hand RIGHT INTO all the pizza sauce that just dropped off my face. so now i'm laughing ever harder, she's pissed off trying to rush into the washroom that's five feet away, i'm trying to clean up the rest of my pizza sauce face-

then the power cuts out. we are in the dark, and i laugh even HARDER. my mom's so mad and embarrassed at this point, and i try to put out my hands to come help her, but i end up poking her right in the EYE.

we struggled for a bit, and then the power came back on and there was a mixture of blood and pizza sauce sittin' on the carpet.

swear to god i laughed so hard, almost popped out a lung.
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Comments

H
Holy shit this is intense. I was on the edge of my seat while reading this, along with all of your other revolutionary, life-changing pieces of art. Love it.
 
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H
Why are you posting them here? I'd buy this if it was published.
 
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Wait, "pizza sauce massacre"?
So is the pizza sauce being massacred, or is the pizza sauce doing the massacring?
 
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slimbizzy
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  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    im sure half the responses won't be literal racial slurs or "drop table" jokes
  • Veho @ Veho:
    Look, it's China. They know what it's like when you give a poll to half a billion trolls.
    +1
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    How much dollar do you think it is?
  • Veho @ Veho:
    ONE MILLION DOLLA
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  • Veho @ Veho:
    I know the pricing of electronics nowadays isn't "how much it actually costs" but "how much we can get away with", but putting up a poll is just cynical.
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  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Probably $150 someone said Anbernic said around the same price as rg556
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    you know which game i wish they would rerelease
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    sonic unleashed
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Make it a happy meal toy
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    that game's engine is really fucking intensive so it runs like literal shit on xbox 360 and ps3
  • Veho @ Veho:
    Nah I'm getting value creep again. I look at a $50 console "but for just a few more dollars you could get XYZ" and I end up considering the Steam Deck.
    +1
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    like the lighting in that game was genuinely so good
  • Veho @ Veho:
    Not getting dragged into that again.
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    i dont get why they didn't port the one game that ran the worst on consoles, to pc
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    like you port everything to pc except the one game where it would make the most sense. why. what do you gain from this
  • Julie_Pilgrim @ Julie_Pilgrim:
    is sega just personally fucking with me? are they laughing while watching me through my kinect camera as i get up to restart my xbox for the third time because the game froze again
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Buy handhelds from five below better quality
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Valve probably going to do another refresh of the deck this fall with rog ally like specs tbh
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    A smaller form factor would be nice too.
    +1
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    A shield portable 2 would be nice aye Nvidia
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    The big leap in all things tech is when carbon based chips start hitting.
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    Longer battery life cooler temps and faster! What's not to like lol (probably expensive as hell)
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    [checks my dildo(s) batteries, coolant and lube] :O [promptly replaces them] :D
    AncientBoi @ AncientBoi: [checks my batteries, coolant and lube] :O [promptly replaces them] :D