Today I felt like shit. I went to eat pizza and drank 1 litre of coke. Just because I can't get angry to my
mother. I wanted to hurt myself, and I think I chose wrong option which is comfort food.
My mother has this patronizing style of helping me. Especially today I became really pissed but I just
can't say anything to her because I just can't. Imagine you saying your mother "Fuck you old cunt you
suck ass". It's just not right you know.
Today I transported few of my paintings to school with my mother. I sneaked the keys from janitor. I told
that I forgot my bag inside class so we got in. Then I showed her my paintings and she started to criticize
them like she would know anything about the art. Like "you should use bright pastel colors and blaa blaa".
And "that painting is ugly! why does it have cross upside down?" And I started to laugh just because her
criticism felt so funny like she would know anything about art.
My mother has tendency to take credit for anything that she thinks she helped me. Like "If you acted
like I told you, you never would have any problems" or "You are like your father! I told him that if
we would take central heating it would become so much cheaper and he didn't believe me until her
sister told the same!" "You never listen me you are like your uncle, he never listens me!"
Stuff that pissesme mostly that she will continue the same shit over and over again. Like "You should
listen to me what paintings you should send to academy of fine arts, look what I told your sister. She
got into school by my great advices!" Like if I would not get into second year at my school my mother
would constanly tell me "You should have followed my advices and blaablaa". But just so you know, my sister
didn't get into school with my mother help but with his own essay. And my mother thinks it's because she didn't
send the videotape to audition but essay she helped her. But it was about the essay what she wrote that got
into school.
I would just like to tell her "Fuck you old cunt. I fucking hate you and your 'good' advices". She gives me
sometimes good advices but sometimes I feel like she lives in other world. Like she was so much against
drinking and smoking drugs. Like if I would smoke pot I would be addicted and then be living at the gutter
and beating people to get money for pot. Or drinking. She gets drunk on one cider and hates drinking.
That's pisses me off so much that she tries to force me to her stupid lifestyle. That I should find some
christian girl that never drinks or smokes. I know there are girls like that but I just want normal girl that
"doesn't spit to glass". Like that christian girl is like 1% of girls. And normal girls are like 90% and those
weird girls that I also like are the rest
Like she overprotects me from all the evil. Or sometimes it feels
like so. And I really can't say "Fuck you bitch" because it's not right.
Basically our fight today was about misunderstanding between of us. She don't listen me. Or it feels like so.
Or she hears what she wants to hear. And it's probably same with me.
When everything fails.
When she is out of arguments she takes the role of martyr. Everything has been shit in her life blaa blaa. But
look she is most the intelligent and succesfull now. I just hate to listen the same shit all the time. She doesn't
talk my father directly but talks to me like "Your father blaablaa". I would like to tell her "Fuck you bitch talk to
dad no wonder he doesn't give you any dick when you have your mouth open like that all the time. I don't care
about your fights. Please don't talk to me. Please" I said to her once "Please I don't care about the fight between
you and dad please don't talk to me" but she just continued martyr shit "You are like your father you just fade
away when we fight but listen your dad blaablaa".
Thanks for reading. It really felt great to write this all down...
mother. I wanted to hurt myself, and I think I chose wrong option which is comfort food.
My mother has this patronizing style of helping me. Especially today I became really pissed but I just
can't say anything to her because I just can't. Imagine you saying your mother "Fuck you old cunt you
suck ass". It's just not right you know.
Today I transported few of my paintings to school with my mother. I sneaked the keys from janitor. I told
that I forgot my bag inside class so we got in. Then I showed her my paintings and she started to criticize
them like she would know anything about the art. Like "you should use bright pastel colors and blaa blaa".
And "that painting is ugly! why does it have cross upside down?" And I started to laugh just because her
criticism felt so funny like she would know anything about art.
My mother has tendency to take credit for anything that she thinks she helped me. Like "If you acted
like I told you, you never would have any problems" or "You are like your father! I told him that if
we would take central heating it would become so much cheaper and he didn't believe me until her
sister told the same!" "You never listen me you are like your uncle, he never listens me!"
Stuff that pissesme mostly that she will continue the same shit over and over again. Like "You should
listen to me what paintings you should send to academy of fine arts, look what I told your sister. She
got into school by my great advices!" Like if I would not get into second year at my school my mother
would constanly tell me "You should have followed my advices and blaablaa". But just so you know, my sister
didn't get into school with my mother help but with his own essay. And my mother thinks it's because she didn't
send the videotape to audition but essay she helped her. But it was about the essay what she wrote that got
into school.
I would just like to tell her "Fuck you old cunt. I fucking hate you and your 'good' advices". She gives me
sometimes good advices but sometimes I feel like she lives in other world. Like she was so much against
drinking and smoking drugs. Like if I would smoke pot I would be addicted and then be living at the gutter
and beating people to get money for pot. Or drinking. She gets drunk on one cider and hates drinking.
That's pisses me off so much that she tries to force me to her stupid lifestyle. That I should find some
christian girl that never drinks or smokes. I know there are girls like that but I just want normal girl that
"doesn't spit to glass". Like that christian girl is like 1% of girls. And normal girls are like 90% and those
weird girls that I also like are the rest
Like she overprotects me from all the evil. Or sometimes it feelslike so. And I really can't say "Fuck you bitch" because it's not right.
Basically our fight today was about misunderstanding between of us. She don't listen me. Or it feels like so.
Or she hears what she wants to hear. And it's probably same with me.
When everything fails.
When she is out of arguments she takes the role of martyr. Everything has been shit in her life blaa blaa. But
look she is most the intelligent and succesfull now. I just hate to listen the same shit all the time. She doesn't
talk my father directly but talks to me like "Your father blaablaa". I would like to tell her "Fuck you bitch talk to
dad no wonder he doesn't give you any dick when you have your mouth open like that all the time. I don't care
about your fights. Please don't talk to me. Please" I said to her once "Please I don't care about the fight between
you and dad please don't talk to me" but she just continued martyr shit "You are like your father you just fade
away when we fight but listen your dad blaablaa".
Thanks for reading. It really felt great to write this all down...
