Shiet, haven't wrote a blog in ages...
Anyway, today I received a slap in the face on how precious and fragile life is, and how easy it is to almost lose someone that's dear to you.
*WARNING*
This might be kinda hard so, read at yer own will, or not, whatever floats yer boat.
I'm not going to write it all down, just the important parts so it might make no sense.
7 years ago, I've rescued a girl from committing suicide.
I've got to know her via another friend of mine, after some talking, I've managed to persuade her not to do it.
As the years progressed we've got closer n closer, forming a tight bond between the three of us.
3 years ago, she invited me to her bday party, like any good friend, I'd come by.
Only thing is, it's a 2.5 hour drive (not that I care much as I like driving c: )
Things at her home weren't... smooth (parental problems etc)
Last year, again, bday party (Feb '14)
This time however, things where a little different.
She's started to get problems at home again, mum n dad being troublesome to both (might divorce and taking it out on their daughter)
During her bday (Febuary) and summer '14, her home situation got worse.
She'd often message me asking for advice or to hear her story.
Doing that she'd started trusting me a whole lot, you know, standard best friend thing.
As time progressed, she'd gotten loopy from all the problems, therapy placed her in a mental hospital as they said that she was a hazard to herself.
Fast forward to summer '14.
She's been released from the mental hospital, organized a "welcome home" party at her mum n dads place.
When arriving there. she'd asked me if I had 5 quid, I said sure, what for?
She then gave me a wrapped small package in return, opening it n seeing a Hello Kitty best friends necklace.
As everybody knows, I freaking love Hello Kitty so it was the best shared gift I ever got c:
I got the "Best" part and she kept the "Friends" part.
She'd often spend weekends at friends closer by (5 hour drive every weekend isn't doable for me to pick her up to let her spend the weekends at mine)
Therapy for her also went, troublesome to say the least.
Fast forward to Dec '14, things gotten the best of her, totally driven insane by all the problems around her she lost it.
She'd started collecting email addresses from people close to her (her normal friends group) and me and the other friend of us (the inner circle)
*this is the part where it gets heavy*
Every mail she'd send she'd slip more downhill until that final email where she'd said she was ending it all, well email was send after she'd decided to end it.
(Febuary '15)
The email said that she was sitting on the traintracks for 20 minutes, waiting for a train to hit her (facing away from the train)
She'd had a moment of relapse and got off, collapsing in a field nearby.
She'd text and call some friends (and her therapist and supervisor) after that she'd turn her phone off cause people where spamming her.
Upon standing on the tracks again (facing the train) she'd collapse again, hearing somebodies voice in the distance.
She ran off, grabbed her bike and went to an isolated spot on the rivers side.
Broken down, she was found by a random stranger who informed her supervisor.
Shocked by that mail, I'd really had the urge to get in me car n race towards her, however due to financial circumstances and personal problems, I couldn't make the drive.
Couple of weeks ago, I've received another mail of her, apologizing for what she'd done to us.
She had written some goodbye notes to the ones most close to her.
She'd asked me if I wanted to see it, which I did, after a day of deciding whether or not I actually do.
I'd said to her that she didn't needed it to scan/type over and send it via mail, rather, I wanted the handwritten one.
As "luck" would have it, she planned a bday party for yesterday.
She'd said to me that she'd give me the note that day and she did.
It was a relief seeing her "being well" again, bit double sided however but we only thought of the positive side.
I told her that I would read the note somewhere at a gas station as I had to fill up to continue driving home again.
After the party, I brought her back to the center where she currently resides, laying the envelope containing the letter of her in me car.
After refilling at a gas station I drove for... I think 20 minutes before deciding to pull over at a rest stop.
Filled with different feels, not expecting what she wrote, could be a simple one worded goodbye or a fully fledged goodbye, I've slowly opened it.
After reading it 2 times I broke down, 7 years flashed by me.
Filled with tears, shock and an empty feel, I had no words for what she wrote to me.
I've literally seen her grow up, going from elementary to graduating from middle school (that should be this summer)
It's.... difficult to put it in words as it's a fuck ton of things that happened.
But it's a cold reminder that, one person could endure this much, before finally saying fuck all.
For all that happened, I could've never seen her alive again.
And this day could very well be a funeral instead of a bday party.
Song that was playing in me car when I read her note.
In that single moment, the lyrics of it got a whole new meaning.
Anyway, today I received a slap in the face on how precious and fragile life is, and how easy it is to almost lose someone that's dear to you.
*WARNING*
This might be kinda hard so, read at yer own will, or not, whatever floats yer boat.
I'm not going to write it all down, just the important parts so it might make no sense.
7 years ago, I've rescued a girl from committing suicide.
I've got to know her via another friend of mine, after some talking, I've managed to persuade her not to do it.
As the years progressed we've got closer n closer, forming a tight bond between the three of us.
3 years ago, she invited me to her bday party, like any good friend, I'd come by.
Only thing is, it's a 2.5 hour drive (not that I care much as I like driving c: )
Things at her home weren't... smooth (parental problems etc)
Last year, again, bday party (Feb '14)
This time however, things where a little different.
She's started to get problems at home again, mum n dad being troublesome to both (might divorce and taking it out on their daughter)
During her bday (Febuary) and summer '14, her home situation got worse.
She'd often message me asking for advice or to hear her story.
Doing that she'd started trusting me a whole lot, you know, standard best friend thing.
As time progressed, she'd gotten loopy from all the problems, therapy placed her in a mental hospital as they said that she was a hazard to herself.
Fast forward to summer '14.
She's been released from the mental hospital, organized a "welcome home" party at her mum n dads place.
When arriving there. she'd asked me if I had 5 quid, I said sure, what for?
She then gave me a wrapped small package in return, opening it n seeing a Hello Kitty best friends necklace.
As everybody knows, I freaking love Hello Kitty so it was the best shared gift I ever got c:
I got the "Best" part and she kept the "Friends" part.
She'd often spend weekends at friends closer by (5 hour drive every weekend isn't doable for me to pick her up to let her spend the weekends at mine)
Therapy for her also went, troublesome to say the least.
Fast forward to Dec '14, things gotten the best of her, totally driven insane by all the problems around her she lost it.
She'd started collecting email addresses from people close to her (her normal friends group) and me and the other friend of us (the inner circle)
*this is the part where it gets heavy*
Every mail she'd send she'd slip more downhill until that final email where she'd said she was ending it all, well email was send after she'd decided to end it.
(Febuary '15)
The email said that she was sitting on the traintracks for 20 minutes, waiting for a train to hit her (facing away from the train)
She'd had a moment of relapse and got off, collapsing in a field nearby.
She'd text and call some friends (and her therapist and supervisor) after that she'd turn her phone off cause people where spamming her.
Upon standing on the tracks again (facing the train) she'd collapse again, hearing somebodies voice in the distance.
She ran off, grabbed her bike and went to an isolated spot on the rivers side.
Broken down, she was found by a random stranger who informed her supervisor.
Shocked by that mail, I'd really had the urge to get in me car n race towards her, however due to financial circumstances and personal problems, I couldn't make the drive.
Couple of weeks ago, I've received another mail of her, apologizing for what she'd done to us.
She had written some goodbye notes to the ones most close to her.
She'd asked me if I wanted to see it, which I did, after a day of deciding whether or not I actually do.
I'd said to her that she didn't needed it to scan/type over and send it via mail, rather, I wanted the handwritten one.
As "luck" would have it, she planned a bday party for yesterday.
She'd said to me that she'd give me the note that day and she did.
It was a relief seeing her "being well" again, bit double sided however but we only thought of the positive side.
I told her that I would read the note somewhere at a gas station as I had to fill up to continue driving home again.
After the party, I brought her back to the center where she currently resides, laying the envelope containing the letter of her in me car.
After refilling at a gas station I drove for... I think 20 minutes before deciding to pull over at a rest stop.
Filled with different feels, not expecting what she wrote, could be a simple one worded goodbye or a fully fledged goodbye, I've slowly opened it.
After reading it 2 times I broke down, 7 years flashed by me.
Filled with tears, shock and an empty feel, I had no words for what she wrote to me.
I've literally seen her grow up, going from elementary to graduating from middle school (that should be this summer)
It's.... difficult to put it in words as it's a fuck ton of things that happened.
But it's a cold reminder that, one person could endure this much, before finally saying fuck all.
For all that happened, I could've never seen her alive again.
And this day could very well be a funeral instead of a bday party.
Song that was playing in me car when I read her note.
In that single moment, the lyrics of it got a whole new meaning.
