Today I Lost my Whole World

your not wrong but at this point id rather have had nothing then this dealing with her mom and all the shit i went through was not worth a few moments where she actually said something helpful or made me feel better. i probably couldve found someone who would have been way more helpful and even actually liked me. which is what upsets me more then anything is that i missed so many opportunities to find happiness.

i had a choice thats why im regretting it now.

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I had a choice back in high school to not wrestle my friend. That would have saved me from dislocating my right knee cap and literally fucking my leg up for the rest of my life until I inevitably need a knee replacement (I'm surprised I've made it this long).

Yeah I regret that choice too. It sucks. I've also come to terms with the fact that it was just that, a choice I made, albeit a really dumb one, and that I've just gotta live and learn. I don't do things that are that sorta risky anymore. Hopefully you can come to terms with it sooner rather than later too and realize that while you won't get those 11 years of potentially missed opportunities back, I'm sure that in time, with a bit of reflection and introspection, you'll have learned a LOT from it. Even if you haven't learned what TO do, I think you can already see a bit of what NOT to do.

Off topic, like six years later, I ended up getting that friend a job at my current employer two years ago and continue to work with him on career development to this day (we work on the same team). Life has an interesting way of working out, especially when you keep in mind that nothing ever just happens by itself.

Work on social skills maybe? Like try getting into come sort of activity that forces you to socialize and work on your conversation skills and techniques. It's hard for me to relate to anti-social people because it's easy for me mostly, but regardless you'll have to socialize if you wanna meet someone. Maybe like a bowling league or a billiards league. Paintball or laser tag stuff. Something you can commit to that lets you change the activities you may have related to in the past but forces you to socialize. One way or the other, if you expect to break out of this, you're going to have to travel outside your comfort zone.

Some of these comments make me feel like I'm on r/niceguys

yeah thanks guys and girls even the not so nice comments are helpful. they open up my vision a bit so i can see what i would normally miss. im not anti-social by nature my grandparents own a church and my parents now run it so besides the church and work i dont have much free time and in both places my social circle is limited because of my position. im a driver for a company so i dont interact with many people and at church as the pastors child(even though im an adult) i have look good or bring shame on my family which keep most people at a distance i have plenty of aquaintances and guy friends but just lacking female friends. on top of that most of the female friends i had made over time my family has scared away.

to be honest in any other situation this probably never would happen but i have the exact upbringing and stubborness as well as location to let this play out to its full shitiness.

still reading through alot of these comments and i got to says its nice to have people be this brutally honest. i thought this site fell to the trolls but there are still good people here.

and yes im angry at myself but at the same time im a little relived ive been living on a thread(pun intended) for the past 11 years and im finally free i can go after who ever i want and i dont have to worry about upsetting her or her family. its actually feels pretty good im sure its gonna suck in the morning when it all really sinks but one step at a time.

are you writing this ''beyond the physical realm''?

no but im sure at somepoint in the near future ill feel or wish i was. im currently in a state of nothingness or rather on the cusp of something but not yet there. sorta wanna do i maniacal laugh after the im free part. was going to go to bed but ive seem to have suddenly developed insomnia it 2am where i live and am now having something to eat because i havent eaten anything today.

LOL

And now is when she maybe starts to get confused. Wait and see.
Also, she didn't stole anything from you, and if you felt good alongside her, that feelings made you happy in some way, so it is not a bad situation entirely.
Keep on keeping on!

yep at this point im just gonna enjoy my 2am chicken and rice. fuck everything else this rice is amazing the only thing that could make it taste better is tears that arent my own. but that comes with time.

sorta wish there was something more to do on gbatemp then just post stuff and forum things like a community playable games section or something been roaming site trying to find something to do because im shit at fortnite and ive beaten every other game i own out of shear boredom and a need for serious distraction.

You're still young, go out and explore and take this experience as a life lesson.
If you're the only one giving, then it's usually not worth pursuing. Unless you're into that kind of stuff I suppose.

"maybe im wrong but i believe love can develop over time if you trust someone and they are there for you when you need them you can start loving that person"
Yes and no. Just because someone trusts another and is there when they need someone, doesn't mean they will fall in love. Good (or best) friends do the same thing.
I'm not saying it can't develop over time, but it's rare and if it doesn't within a couple of years, it definitely won't 11 years down the line.

To be honest the story would need a bit more context, did she ever drop any sort of hints that she might be into you at all in those 11 years?
If she did and outright went and say "Nah, I never did anything to give you any sort of idea", then good riddance.
On the flipside; if she didn't then, as painful as it is, you're a dick by just flat-out abandoning her because she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you.

Still, you're young, go out there, do your own thing.

Dude, quit talking to her. Don't forget the lesson, though.

nice pic. more or less she just "thought" she made it clear. but she never did for me in fact i learned a few days ago she dated another guy and never told me and then when i brought it up she said it didnt matter because it insubstantial its actually why this all started because i wanted a definite clear answer so i could move on. everytime prior that i brought it up she would give unclear answers and would behave maybe not flirtacious but really into what i said and would often do things that i assume were signals hell even my mother couldnt get a read on her when we were together. so i really have no chance but regardless im not ditching her. itd be ditching her if i just up and left at a random point and said have fun getting out of this. i waited until after she was settled she had just finished her masters degree was getting her doctorate and her brother who i kept mentally stable for 90% of his highschool career graduated to then let her know how i feel and that id be leaving to recouperate my loses(a shitton) and move on and that hopefully when we do meet back up i could act naturally and normal. i didnt yell i didnt harass her, if anything she harrassed me after i said bye to try and make herself feel better by giving me advice. i made my point she turned me down i let her know how i felt and then left saying that i was gonna go away for awhile. she has other friends and she no longer needs me for anything. in the end she loses nothing i can be replaced. im the one who loses a best friend that cant be easily replaced and im the one who wasted my time. and yes i know its my fault.