My personal goal(s) for this coming year are more or so my attitude in general towards certain aspects of life. Most people will want more money etc.. or probably a different job however this is really something that does not trouble me too much.
I am hesitant in making some decision in life ( mostly financial) without taking certain risk unless the outcome in the end outweighs the benefit greatly. This hinders me sometimes from a business point of view because sometimes i will just not ''gamble'' a certain degree of money in order to pile more income if the margins might point towards a loss.
The fact that i can't get over is that in order to get ahead and get more out of what a want in a business is to just take the risk and accept the potential loss i will have with it.
Also i have always had this thing where its hard for me to let go of some things that really shouldn't be on my mind.
I had a family member who wasn't always so good to me, in fact my past was quite dull, bitter some and painful. For many years i refused to socialize with this person i guess i even got to a point where i can say i hated him.
This person is now sick i am still bitter about past life to an extent and some things i cannot forget. I despise the fact that i don't get an apology but at the same time am expected to show compassion towards said person. I asked myself many times what would said person who if that was me, and sometimes i even ask myself when i do something for another close friend or family member if they would do the same for me and only until recently have i begun to realize that it really doesn't matter what they would do but what matters is what I decide to do because i can and have the resources to do so.
My recent years i've been caught up on just money and thinking it will solve many things that couldn't be solved before, i will admit that it does make certain parts of life easier but i also admit that once you get more sometimes greed comes of it and in turn a burden to get more does as well. I say the word burden because when people expect you to be resourceful and provide they can only assume ( or at least ''expected'' to) you will keep on doing it and once that stops, slows down ...people ( family) are dissapointed even though they won't directly say it you can feel it.
So conclusion: My goal is to try to be happy, but i also want to help my family . Helping my family ( or certain ones of it) means i give up some of my ''happiness'' , while i am content at times sometimes i just feel neutral towards life in general. A couple of things my family has done/does bothers me but i eat it up sometimes to make them happy at the cost of mine.
I guess i want to try to let some things be sometimes so it doesn't disrupt my own personal life at times. I guess sometimes i feel like its a lose lose situation meaning i say or do something family wouldn't agree and i am pushed aside, i help and accept things i don't like and they are happy but i am stuck in a ditch sometimes. I was a bit different before but now i feel as i can't revert back without too much changing ( not that i would want to anyways). I need balance in my life and ease of mind, so i need to find this otherwise i think my life is slowly eating my brain away
Oh and i also want to be able to make a trip to europe sometime late next year with a family member who has been longing to visit parts of brazil, spain, and italy.