The Tell-A-Joke Thread

[AmandaRose]

Fucking hell Vins what has happened to my life its Saturday night and im here telling jokes instead of getting drunk. I'm rather scared I may be getting old

 

[VinsCool]

Fucking hell Vins what has happened to my life its Saturday night and im here telling jokes instead of getting drunk. I'm rather scared I may be getting old

Wait you're saying I'm the only one here doing both at the same time? XD


Anyway, Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

[AmandaRose]

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

[Veho]

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

 

[Veho]

Granny goes to the fish market, she asks the fishmonger if the fish is fresh.
"Fresh? Granny, it's still alive!"
"So what? I'm still alive too! I want to know if it's fresh."

 

[James_]

A police officer came over and asked me how high I was.

I told them I was 2 feet high.

 

[IncredulousP]

A local group of cannibals were throwing a party. "Throw your hands up!" said the DJ. Everyone vomited.

 

[James_]

Want to hear a joke about ghosts?

Yeah?

That's the spirit!

 

[AmandaRose]

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that
you just served?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next day, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins!"

 

[Alexander1970]

Little Red Riding Hood goes alone through the Dark Forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustle behind a dense Bush.
She pushes the Branches and Bushes aside and suddenly the evil Wolf sits in front of her.

"Oh, bad Wolf, why do you have such big Red Eyes?"

"Fuck off, I am shitting !"

 

[Uiaad]

I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?' I said ‘No, six should be enough.'

 

[VinsCool]

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks: "Why the long face?"

The horse, unable to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor.

 

[AmandaRose]

"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time."

 

[IncredulousP]

"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time."

Boooooo
I liked it

 

[Alexander1970]

Cleaning is incredibly dangerous.
Almost every Man has ever stumbled over his cleaning Wife in the Kitchen
and then almost pushed his Beer Bottle into his Brain......

 

[Alexander1970]

Why is it illegal to bury a man living in London to bury in Istanbul ?

Spoiler: Answer....

Lively ones are not buried.

 

[AmandaRose]

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

 

[Veho]

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

I heard that one before but with Viagra thieves

 

[AmandaRose]

“I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister”

 

[IncredulousP]

Viagra thieves

Is @GhostLatte at it again??