Today I Lost my Whole World

jahrs · Jun 20, 2018

yeah i know i just had so many dreams of having a magical relationship with her that i have to throw out and forget about. the next few months will be tough because ill probably start either balling or breaking whatever plays something with a happy couple doing everything i wanna do..... i might have to get away from anime for a bit.

idk i think a crush wouldnt last 11 years but yeah i get you. my main issue has always been my family there arent to many girls who they approve of. i live in a very family centric... uh family so if the girl doesnt fit in with them i kid you not they pray them away. no joke my families religious and it annoys me i met a nice girl recently she became a friend and met my mom and a week later she vanished and refuses to txt me back.

brickmii82 · Jun 20, 2018

jahrs said:
actually the issue is that i couldnt screw her lol. but it was a long con when you really love someone and they are always by your side you sorta forget to fill in some dots. i was just blinded by time and one sided love. to be honest i just put so much time and effort i never thought it would end up any other way. afterall ive never friend zoned any girl its either your a possible candidate or not with me and i never understood friendzoning people of the gender your sexually attracted to. its just sickening to me because its like teasing a dog with a treat and then giving it to someone else.

So if I'm understanding you correctly, you feel entitled to sexual compensation and romantic relations due to "being by her side for 11 years??"

Meteor7 · Jun 20, 2018

Well, she didn't "steal" 11 years of your life; it isn't her fault she doesn't want to be with you. Not only that, but you make it sound as though everything you did for her was purely towards the goal of being romantically involved with her, and if that's the case, I'd say your affection was completely disingenuous from the start.

jahrs · Jun 20, 2018

not really just wanted attention back to feeling like i wasnt wasting my time. had she told me at the start i wasnt interested i wouldnt have gone through all the excess shit i did. i put myself and my future at risk several times just so she could be happy or better off. had i known earlier i wouldve still helped as a friend but not the way i did. example drove 600+ miles for her 3 years ago to pick her up after she got into an accident in the rain. now the only reason she called me was she didnt wanna bother her mom who was going there soon anyway. now thats excessive but i did it because i thought she was my special someone and afterwards she called me her savior and gave me a kiss. now thats misleading and abusive. i dont expect compensation i expect fair treatment. she may not have stolen 11 years but she let me waste them and then made use of it to get more for herself.

Raverrevolution · Jun 20, 2018

jahrs said:
yeah i know i just had so many dreams of having a magical relationship with her that i have to throw out and forget about. the next few months will be tough because ill probably start either balling or breaking whatever plays something with a happy couple doing everything i wanna do..... i might have to get away from anime for a bit

Maaaaaaan, I know exactly what you're talking about too. Basically it sucks for the result to be an absolute. You're holding onto so much hope and it's not good for you mentally. You need to clear your head. You're letting love get to your brain. It's like a drug, don't let it mess you up. You are your own boss and you will persevere past this. Work on improving yourself in the meantime, not that you need it, but it's good for the soul, and then look at the big picture and just be glad you're alive. Without this experience to set you straight you'll then know when you find the right one

brickmii82 · Jun 20, 2018

jahrs said:
not really just wanted attention back to feeling like i wasnt wasting my time. had she told me at the start i wasnt interested i wouldnt have gone through all the excess shit i did. i put myself and my future at risk several times just so she could be happy or better off. had i known earlier i wouldve still helped as a friend but not the way i did. example drove 600+ miles for her 3 years ago to pick her up after she got into an accident in the rain. now the only reason she called me was she didnt wanna bother her mom who was going there soon anyway. now thats excessive but i did it because i thought she was my special someone and afterwards she called me her savior and gave me a kiss. now thats misleading and abusive. i dont expect compensation i expect fair treatment. she may not have stolen 11 years but she let me waste them and then made use of it to get more for herself.

Do you not find value in friendship? And has she ever gone out of her way to help you? Regardless of genitalia, a friendship should be reciprocal.

Hells Malice · Jun 20, 2018

jahrs said:
to be honest i just put so much time and effort i never thought it would end up any other way. afterall ive never friend zoned any girl its either your a possible candidate or not with me and i never understood friendzoning people of the gender your sexually attracted to. its just sickening to me because its like teasing a dog with a treat and then giving it to someone else.

I can't tell if it's ignorance or just shear stupidity that spawns this sort of idiotic mindset.
You by your own definition weren't friendzoned you monkey. You either were a "candidate" for her, or not. Apparently, you weren't. There is no magical friendzone. Either someone is romantically attracted to you, or they are not. You don't get put into a special category. The friendzone is just a term people use as a mediocre coping mechanism.

What likely happened based solely on what you said, is that she pitiably decided to try dating you, or perhaps thought because you were friends that it might work out. It didn't so she took the first easy exit out of that trainwreck and decided to ignore it ever happening in hopes you drop it and never bring it up again. When you reminded her, she probably once again ignored it hoping to god you'd give up once again and just move on. Possibly due to wanting to still be friends, maybe pity, or hell who knows there's plenty of other reasons I can't determine without context. Based entirely on how you act i'm just going to assume pity was a factor.

jahrs · Jun 20, 2018

no honestly she never gave anything back it was one sided. every once in awhile she would listen to me when i had to vent but that was mostly oks and nods and stuff.

EmanueleBGN · Jun 20, 2018

We cannot force someone to love us, this isn't love but possession.
Love isn't rational nor a mutual exchange, love is only to give: You have what you gave (Gabriele d'Annunzio's motto)

Raverrevolution · Jun 20, 2018

Man, you guys are vicious. Jahrs, get off this forum and put yourself onto a dating site immediately. People here will just call you an idiot instead of throwing some good words towards you.

Sicklyboy · Jun 20, 2018

I think me and Costello both converted the post to blog at the same time, so I wound up creating a duplicate blog entry. Sorry if you/anyone got extra notifications about that, I deleted it since I was the only comment on it since I made that mess up.

That said, here's what I had commented on the other one. What I have pasted below is not gentle, it's brutally honest and fairly abrasive. You've been warned.

jahrs said:
but how can i be friends with someone who stole 11 years from me.

>Implying it's her fault that you tried to stick it out for 11 years.

Look mate I've been there too, maybe not 11 years but I've certainly been through similar. It's not fun being "friendzoned" but it's not like she owes you anything just because you were "there for her" for 11 years. Often times it works out to either you 1) weren't interesting enough to her, or 2) shit just didn't, and likely wouldn't have worked out even if you were. It's hard to come to terms with but sometimes you just gotta nut up and move on.

As someone who's been single for >4 years, I'm moving within the next few weeks and looking forward to jumping in on that Tinder game or something once I start to get settled in. My shy, socially awkward ass, I had to break out of my shell enough to say fuck it and move, so what better time to keep that fuckin train rolling. I suggest you find a way to do something similar. Not necessarily move. Not necessarily jump on Tinder. Just do something that will force you to break out of your shell and do something you wouldn't normally do. Not like going to a club where if it's a scene that you're not really into you can just walk out the door lol. Something that's a little bit harder to just up and leave once it gets a little inconvenient. By this post it sounds like you're pretty much at the point of "idfk what I can do anymore" so imo that's the perfect opportunity tbh.

I stopped dating because I got depressed following a breakup that really fucked me up (that's probably the depression talking), put on weight, got even more socially awkward, and even more depressed and complacent. But the whole "she stole 11 years from me" thing just screams the whole "high school nice-guy" mindset, and frankly, you gotta leave that behind. Being "nice" being "there" just doesn't cut it, and you're not gonna win over many women that way because those are all very shallow, boring personality traits.

Feel free to call me out publicly if this was too asshole-ish of a thing to say. I'll allow it, and I probably even deserve it.

jahrs · Jun 20, 2018

its fine i asked for it to be honest its good to get both sides none of them are wrong. because this isnt a simple matter. maybe im wrong but i believe love can develop over time if you trust someone and they are there for you when you need them you can start loving that person. i didnt always love her at first she was just a friend but we were always together we like the same things and we got along well and with time i fell for her. i dont believe in love at first sight or within a supershort period of time because i cant love someone who hasnt shown me there true self and that happens with time. no one puts all of themselves out there instantly. sometimes there are things under the surface that you need to see before you love them.

brickmii82 · Jun 20, 2018

Why did you stick around? Have some pride and dignity. You did have a choice. Apparently many folks these days think that before birth, you get a written-in-blood contract that life will be fair. Then when it's not, they look for someone or something to blame other than themselves. It's not fair when an innocent man goes to prison, it's not fair when a mother dies of cancer, it's not fair when the gazelle gets eaten by the cheetah, and it's not fair that hate gets spread through lies. But this...... man you had every opportunity to see what you meant to this person and chose not to accept reality. I won't pity you, or anyone else in this thread trying to blame someone for not having feelings to return affections. You had a choice.

ginryu · Jun 20, 2018

I'm pretty sure it's not her fault but yours for not telling her how you feel making it your fault and you yourself to blame for "wasting away" those years.

Now there's just one thing to do: keep going forward. Just learn from the experience you just had and move on with your life and if you just can't stand the idea of being just friends with her, maybe wasn't love at all cause when you love somebody you just want that person to be happy no matter what.

jahrs · Jun 20, 2018

correct i had a choice thats why im regretting it now. i didnt say feel for me i said make me feel something so thanks for your reply. i stuck around because i didnt have many options during that time i was approached by a few girls who all betrayed and abandoned me. one cost me all my female friends the other just used me. she was there for me even if only for a day that gave me hope. she said shed always be there for me so i did the same in return. except after that it was one sided and im a man of my word. even if i could see in the distance my inevitable demise

keine · Jun 20, 2018

Hang in there bud. Sounds like it really hurt. Chin up (give it some time). Might be good to talk it over with a male friend you trust.
Be kind to yourself!

brickmii82 · Jun 20, 2018

Right now I want you to feel angry. Feeling pity and despair is useless. You'll wallow in misery and never change anything. But be angry at yourself for tolerating this and remember that you're worth a helluva lot more than bowing to every whim of your "chosen goddess" for 11 years. You. Have. Worth. Others that don't see it, friend or fuck, can begone.

Sicklyboy · Jun 20, 2018

Honestly? You're in the perfect spot to kick yourself in the ass now, say "god, what the fuck was I thinking for the last 11 years, that was really fucking stupid of me" because if the bomb has been dropped that she doesn't have the same feelings for you as you do for her, after 11 years that isn't going to change. Plain and simple. Full stop, not even worth trying for romantic interests anymore. That also means you should ideally have no hard feelings for actually trying to get out there and at least talk to some new people. Yes, nobody opens up right out of the gate, but I think that's the interesting part of dating, is learning everything you can about the other person over the first few months. And at a few months you should be able to tell whether you think it's not going the direction you want, and to break it off, or see how it continues to play out.

But real talk the worst thing you can do is try to figure out what went wrong. Shit happens, keep on moving, and in time it'll have just been a bump in the road. Speaking as someone who's three years older than you, you'll live. The tides will continue to rise and fall. The sun will continue to rise in the east. The world will not end, nor has it already.

Just think of all of the free time and emotions that you can devote to other things now. :rolleyes:

jahrs · Jun 20, 2018

alot of i didnt tell her earlier comments but i did at the 3 year point but she moved it ended nicely. then she moved back and started the cycle up. its not that i didnt tell her i did and she new it but she assumed that because of the move the relationship was over permenently and i even told her again at the 7 year point and she again never said anything. i kept trying to get her to push me away but she never did and i kept trying to get her answer as to how she feels but she was never clear. ill admit my fault but that doesnt mean she isnt equally to blamr because she could also have made it clear herself. instead she found it convineint and used me until she got everything she wanted.

and yes im definitely kicking myself and yes im not putting any more time into her or her family.

yeah but that free time just leaves way to much time to think about my shattered dreams. im gonna need to find me a major distraction, lately games and anime have been getting dull.

Kourin · Jun 20, 2018

At the 11 year mark you should really know that you were friends and nothing more. It doesn't take 11 years for two people to come together, start dating and be together forever and if for some reason it does, it's going to be an awkward relationship.
If you've been friends for 11 years then you shouldn't blame her for taking that time from you, you should be glad you had a friend for 11 years who was there for moral and friendly support. A hell of a lot of people in this world don't even have that.

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Today I Lost my Whole World

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