Best joke ever!!!!

[lagman]

-A guy walks into a talent agent's office and says, "I have a great act for you: I bring my family out on stage and we...
Yeah,right!
-The agent says, "Good heavens, what do you call yourselves?"
-The guy says, "The Aristocrats!"

 

[Jax]

I didn't get it...

It's probably not as famous a german phrase in some countries as others
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vorsprung_durch_Technik
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/399450.html

Oh, thanks. Now I get it!

 

[Jhongerkong]

Funniest joke youll ever hear...






What did the blind man get for christmas?









Cancer



I know its morally wrong but I burst into tears of laughter whenever I tell it.

 

[JPH]

I got a good one...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side...pfft ahahaha!

...

I don't get it either

 

[hobotent]

Here ya go.. catch it quick before Costello sees it!

A guy walks into a bar, buys a martini and sits down by the baby grand piano, which is being played by a woman with a small monkey sitting on her shoulder. The monkey jumps down and runs across the piano and places a coaster on the piano top for the man to set his martini on, then runs back and sits down on the piano player's shoulder again. The man takes a sip off of his martini and sets it back on the piano top, but neglects to put it on the monkey-provided coaster. Suddenly the monkey dashes over to the man and pees in his martini glass. The man, shocked, exclaims to the piano player in a loud voice, "Hey, do you know your goddamned monkey just took a piss in my drink!?!?"

To which the piano player replies: "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it!"

Hahaha, thats a good one

ahhh, a nice music joke

 

[Mangofett]

Why did the chicken cross the road?







































To DIE!

 

[WeaponXxX]

One day a man and women were having trouble with money. The man despite all his tries could not get a job so the women decided she'd have to sell herself for the sex. She gets her hair done, does her make up and leaves the house. About 9 in the morning she walks in all dishelved and the husband asks...well dear how much money did you make? The wife goes $425.25.

The husband replies and 25 cents? What cheap bastard gave you 25 cents? The wife looks all confused and says...why... All of them....

 

[WeaponXxX]

Why did the Rooster cross the gymnasium?





















He heard the referee was blowing fowls

 

[mthrnite]

Here ya go.. catch it quick before Costello sees it!

A guy walks into a bar, buys a martini and sits down by the baby grand piano, which is being played by a woman with a small monkey sitting on her shoulder. The monkey jumps down and runs across the piano and places a coaster on the piano top for the man to set his martini on, then runs back and sits down on the piano player's shoulder again. The man takes a sip off of his martini and sets it back on the piano top, but neglects to put it on the monkey-provided coaster. Suddenly the monkey dashes over to the man and pees in his martini glass. The man, shocked, exclaims to the piano player in a loud voice, "Hey, do you know your goddamned monkey just took a piss in my drink!?!?"

To which the piano player replies: "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it!"

Don't forget to recycle!

High replay value!
(besides, I only have about four jokes, not like you rich folks.)

for hobotent:

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A.

 

[VVoltz]

Updated the first post.
My apologies to anyone that was fooled by my boringness.

Make love not war.

 

[science]

Funniest joke youll ever hear...






What did the blind man get for christmas?









Cancer



I know its morally wrong but I burst into tears of laughter whenever I tell it.

Thats awful!

A funnier joke that makes me laugh and isn't nearly as bad is this one


Q. How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb?





A. Lets go ride bikes!

 

[nileyg]

-A guy walks into a talent agent's office and says, "I have a great act for you: I bring my family out on stage and we...
*spoiler*Yeah,right!*/spoiler*
-The agent says, "Good heavens, what do you call yourselves?"
-The guy says, "The Aristocrats!"

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Edit: the spoiler broke the quotes

...
and, i was kidding... please.... DONT DO IT!

 

[Mortenga]

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A.

lmao nice one


Why did jesus cross the road?

He was nailed to the chicken.

 

[jimmy j]

A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.
The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a hug. The second says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?"
He shakes his head. She kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, "Have you ever been fucked?"
"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.
"Well, you are now, The tide's coming in."

 

[jimmy j]

I love this one...

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, and when the cowboy finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he bellowed, making the glasses on the bar shake. No-one answered.
The cowboy squinted around the room then, without looking, shot the tops off three bottles of whisky on the bar. “Alright,” he snarled at the room. “I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna have to do what I done in Texas.” The locals shifted uneasily in their seats, as the cowboy swivelled around suddenly. “And let me tell you – I really don’t want to do what I done in Texas.” Chairs creaked restlessly.
The cowboy sat at the bar again, and quickly downed another beer. The locals watched as he got up, paid the bill and walked outside – to find his horse back where he’d left it.
As he saddled-up and started to ride out of town, the bartender came out of the bar. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approached the lone wanderer. “Say partner, before you go, tell me – what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned slowly: “I had to walk home.”

 

[HipN]

I love this one...

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, and when the cowboy finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he bellowed, making the glasses on the bar shake. No-one answered.
The cowboy squinted around the room then, without looking, shot the tops off three bottles of whisky on the bar. “Alright,” he snarled at the room. “I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna have to do what I done in Texas.” The locals shifted uneasily in their seats, as the cowboy swivelled around suddenly. “And let me tell you – I really don’t want to do what I done in Texas.” Chairs creaked restlessly.
The cowboy sat at the bar again, and quickly downed another beer. The locals watched as he got up, paid the bill and walked outside – to find his horse back where he’d left it.
As he saddled-up and started to ride out of town, the bartender came out of the bar. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approached the lone wanderer. “Say partner, before you go, tell me – what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned slowly: “I had to walk home.”

 

[Neko]

I have some jokes too.
I will try to tell you one , but I don't think the joke will make you laught (because they are all german , and I can't write (speak) english xD ).


Fritzchen's mom told him to buy bread.
After 3 hours his mom finds I'm on the stairs in front of the door.
She ask him : "why are you sitting here ? "
And fritzchen answers: "because yesterday we learnt that the earth is rotating and I'm waiting till the store comes by."

(I hope it is understandable.)

 

[lagman]

 

[mthrnite]

Dominik's funny joke reminded me of one:

A little boy was sitting on the curb out in front of a house with a beautiful cocker spaniel sitting by his side. A woman walking by stops to admire the dog. "Does your dog bite, little boy?" she asked. The boy answered "No ma'am, my dog is the gentlest dog in the world." So as the woman reaches to pet the dog, the dog promptly bites her on the hand. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" said the woman, clutching her bleeding hand. "Oh, he doesn't..." said the boy "but this isn't my dog!"

 

[lagman]

testing area is great.