Best joke ever!!!!

[jimmy j]

A drunk is stumbling through the woods when he happens upon a preacher baptising folk in the river. He ambles down to the water's edge then trips and falls down before the holy man. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher pipes up: "Lord have mercy on your drunken soul, brother - are you ready to find Jesus?"
Out of his skull, the drunk agrees: "Yes, I am!" he replies. And with that, the preacher grabs him and dunks him under the water. Moments later, he drags the boozer back up: "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, preacher," stammers the drunk, "I have not!"
Stunned by this, the preacher sends the drunk down again...this time leaving him there a little longer. Shortly he drags him back up again: "Rid your soul of the poison, brother - have you found Jesus?"
Gasping for air, the drunk splutters a reply: "No, preacher - I have not!"
At his wit's end, the preacher sends the drunk down one last time. A full minute later, he pulls him out: "For the love of God," shouts the preacher, "tell me you've found Jesus!"
Coughing his lungs up, the drunk wipes his eyes and turns to the preacher: "You sure this is where he fell in?"

 

[Quantum]

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?

A: Because he has no arms.

 

[Hooya]

Don't forget to recycle!

[/quote]
High replay value!
(besides, I only have about four jokes, not like you rich folks.)

for hobotent:

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A.

[/quote]

Here's a follow up to that one:

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano on a military base?

A.

 

[HipN]

This is not supposed to offend anyone, buts its the best joke I have ever read!!!

A Sydney construction site...

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

 

[cruddybuddy]

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A.

lmao nice one


Why did jesus cross the road?

He was nailed to the chicken.

This one would probably offend a certain group of people, like the first one in the topic. Let's wait patiently and see how long it takes for a censor.

Also, I was inspired by the blind man joke, so here goes...

Q: What's the difference between a Ferrari 348 and a pile of dead babies?
A: I don't have a Ferrari 348 sitting in my garage.

 

[Jax]

This is not supposed to offend anyone, buts its the best joke I have ever read!!!

A Sydney construction site...

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

Oh God that's hilarious!

 

[Mangofett]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

 

[Shtroodle]

HipN & cruddybuddy

Great stuff...

 

[Shtroodle]

A cannibal walks into the maternity ward and starts pacing down the corridor, sniffing and peeking around the rooms along the way. All of a sudden, he grabs one of the babies and starts running wildly down the corridor towards the exit. One of the nurses sees him as he runs by and leans into the corridor shouting - "Wait sir! I should at least get him wrapped in some diapers first!". The canibal turns around whilst still running and replies - "Thank you kindly miss but don't bother - I'll eat it on the go."

Please excuse lack of funnines due to possible crappy translation

 

[jimmy j]

A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" goes the noise from within the mental hospital's wards. The man's curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It's not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye. As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues: "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"