The Tell-A-Joke Thread

[AmandaRose]

Why do butchers hate dildos and tofu? Because they are both meat substitutes.

 

[IncredulousP]

Why do butchers hate dildos and tofu? Because they are both meat substitutes.

Dildos can also be meat additions

 

[AmandaRose]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. The man and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

 

[Alexander1970]

Why do butchers hate dildos and tofu? Because they are both meat substitutes.

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. The man and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

Well,we have a somewhat progressive Phase at the Moment ....

 

[Alexander1970]

I tried baking Christmas Cookies.....

.....and now we have Shuriken.....

 

[IncredulousP]

Why don't crocodiles like to eat stoners? Because they're only half-baked.

 

[Uiaad]

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

 

[AmandaRose]

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, threw all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! We will gladly pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

 

[AmandaRose]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of dicks are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

 

[Alexander1970]

I thought I was Single forever.

But now I have finally been able to meet someone.

I am really looking forward to February 31th.....

 

[AmandaRose]

What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

 

[Alexander1970]

Can I tell you a time travel joke?

Yes gladly.

You didn't liked him.....

 

[Veho]

 

[thewannacryguy]

While talking to a Japanese girl, I was intending to say "もんくをいう", I accidentally said "まんこをいう". Good thing she pretended not to notice.

 

[IncredulousP]

While talking to a Japanese girl, I was intending to say "もんくをいう", I accidentally said "まんこをいう". Good thing she pretended not to notice.

何を言うてんねん??

 

[thewannacryguy]

What does てんねん mean? I haven't heard this before.

 

[IncredulousP]

What does てんねん mean? I haven't heard this before.

I tried looking it up myself but couldn't find anything. My kanji dictionary said the phrase was slang, so that's probably why.

 

[AmandaRose]

Paddy asks Mick how he got on at the Faith Healing evening... Mick says ‘The faith healer was absolutely rubbish....Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out !’

 

[Alexander1970]

Two Grandmas,Waldtraut and Sieghilde,meet in the Café.

Suddenly Waldtraut says:
"I think you have a Suppository in your left Ear."

Startled,Sieghilde takes the Suppository out of her Ear,stares at it briefly and says:
“Oh thank you for making me aware of it.I think I now also know where to find my Hearing Aid........"

 

[IncredulousP]

Suddenly Waldtraut says:

Sieghilde...,"thank you for making me aware of it"

Sieghilde is a liar!!
---
Aids in the butt is no joke.