I keep having relapses, I hate this addiction

I'm trying to quit porn, like, completely, I want to be free from it. I want to escape from its grasp, and yes, a lot of media can be good, a lot of it can be bad, it's a double-edged sword. I hate the thoughts that creep into my head, it's been causing me anxiety, I hate this, and I don't know what to do to go cold turkey and stay that way. To make it worse, it's been affecting my mood adversely, and accounts for my being toxic and negative on the internet and to myself at work. I know a lot of people aren't fond of me or my recent comments, they've come across as vile, virulent and downright rude. That alone deserves another ban but I digress. Filters don't work, because they are very imperfect and can be bypassed, I just need to vent, mostly. I... don't know what to do to quit once and for all, the effects porn has on the brain aren't exactly comforting either.

I hate what porn addiction has done to me, how it exacerbates my stress and anxiety, and how it causes me to have image issues about myself as a person. I just... don't know what to do :cry:

I delete the files, I download them again, again and again, I want to break this cycle, I want to stop spiraling like this, like, starting now. I can't do this by myself, I need friends and family to overcome this.
  • Like
Reactions: 10 people

Comments

M7L7NK7
If you know a therapist, there's no excuse not to see them. I started seeing one a few months back, and although it's weird and kinda feels stupid it's good to talk to someone and that's what they're for.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4 people
grey72
Other have said it, and I will too, GET HELP ASAP. From how long you've been talking about it, your situation isn't something you can get over by yourself. I cannot emphasize this enough, DO NOT waste time beating yourself up. Get professional help if you can. Also don't be afraid to change your therapist if you need to.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 7 people
aykay55
Your brain wants stimulation. And your brain gets it from porn. So try stimulating your brain otherwise. Join a woodworking class. Go to a community college and learn a new skill. Spend time with your neighbors, friends and family. Try building a model airplane. Buy a drone. Learn how to video edit or photoshop. Learn how to cook something. Go to the gym. Make an app for your phone. Learn how video games actually work from the ground up. Adopt a pet. Do something. Anything. Okay? And I’ll reiterate what I said on your last post. Put a jar on your coffee table. Every minute you watch of porn, put $1 into the jar. At the end of every week, donate that money to a local or online charity. But the change has to start from within, nobody is going to do it for you. Only you can change yourself. Please listen to me dude.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4 people
the_randomizer
@aykay55, I've been doing thinking, and a hobby I've been getting involved in, is photography, specifically with the foxes I get to play with. But diving deeper, my camera allows me to take RAW photos, and with Photoshop, I convert them to DNG (digital negative) format, and I have full control over the overall quality. I'm quite happy with the results, er, what I'm trying to get it, is that it's something I'm new at, and learning more. It's something that stimulates my brain, keeps me active. But along with this, I haven't been taking very good care of my body, eating a bunch of crap, drinking a crap load of soda, not going to the gym. The motivating factor, is instead of saying "I should do this, I should do that," rewording it to "I want to get healthier, I want to go to the gym, I want to find other, healthier ways to keep my brain active". It puts things in a more positive light, something my therapist thought me, and is easier to motivate. Last thing before I go to bed, another thing I could do, is do things for other people, as a form of service/charity, as that can help with healing as well, as it shows love towards other people. Whew, yeah, going to bed as it's late, but it's a good place to start :3
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4 people
M7L7NK7
Make an appointment with the therapist. ASAP. It's what you need to work this out... it's like building a house using your hand as a hammer when there's a hammer nearby, if you want those nails in you need to utilise the right tools otherwise you're not going to build that house.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 people
aykay55
@the_randomizer I’m really happy to hear that, and congratulations. However, maybe it’s time to take the next step. If what you’re doing still isn’t working, you have to take it up a notch. I strongly suggest trying the jar idea. It will attach a negative, unwanted effect to your addiction. You’ll feel the effect of your addiction in your wallet as well, which means less money for video games and other cool stuff. And the money will still be going to a good cause. Please just try it. Or at least talk about trying it with your therapist. Please.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 people
billapong
Lust is a self destructive behavior. Sins exist for a reason. Someone much smarter than most people discovered that while self destructive behaviors will make you feel good in the short term they will damage you in the long term. Regardless of the Biblical origin of sins they are all self destructive and until you stop you're going to suffer. The solution also doesn't involve solving your current self destructive behavior by sinning further. Basically, you're not going to get better until you stop and trying to stop by participating in other self destructive behaviors won't solve anything.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3 people

Blog entry information

Author
the_randomizer
Views
665
Comments
54
Last update

More entries in Personal Blogs

More entries from the_randomizer

Share this entry

General chit-chat
Help Users
  • No one is chatting at the moment.
  • Quincy @ Quincy:
    Usually when such a big title leaks the Temp will be the first to report about it (going off of historical reports here, Pokemon SV being the latest one I can recall seeing pop up here)
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    I still like how a freaking mp3 file hacks webos all that security defeated by text yet again
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    They have simulators for everything nowdays, cray cray. How about a sim that shows you playing the Switch.
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    That's called yuzu
     +1
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    https://www.verizon.com/home/intern...0a82b82a&vendorid=CJM&PID=552179&AID=11365093 can I cancel and keep the switch lol
     +1
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    I want a 120hz 4k tv but crazy how more expensive the 120hz over the 60hz are. Or even more crazy is the price of 8k's.
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    No real point since movies are 30fps
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    Not a big movie buff, more of a gamer tbh. And Series X is 120hz 8k ready, but yea only 120hz 4k games out right now, but thinking of in the future.
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Mostly why you never see TV manufacturers going post 60hz
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    I only watch tv when i goto bed, it puts me to sleep, and I have a nas drive filled w my fav shows so i can watch them in order, commercial free. I usually watch Married w Children, or South Park
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Stremio ruined my need for nas
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    I stream from Nas to firestick, one on every tv, and use Kodi. I'm happy w it, plays everything. (I pirate/torrent shows/movies on pc, and put on nas)
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Kodi repost are still pretty popular
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    What the hell is Kodi reposts? what do you mean, or "Wut?" -xdqwerty
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    Google them basically web crawlers to movie sites
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    oh you mean the 3rd party apps on Kodi, yea i know what you mean, yea there are still a few cool ones, in fact watched the new planet of the apes movie other night w wifey thru one, was good pic surprisingly, not a cam
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256...acdffdfd18f8a017742186da306980d9cf365d&gclid= lol ali
     +1
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    Damn, only $2.06 and free shipping. Gotta cost more for them to ship than $2.06
     +1
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    I got my Dad a firestick for Xmas and showed him those 3rd party sites on Kodi, he loves it, all he watches anymore. He said he has got 3 letters from AT&T already about pirating, but he says f them, let them shut my internet off (He wants out of his AT&T contract anyways)
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    That's where stremio comes to play never got a letter about it
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    I just use a VPN, even give him my login and password so can use it also, and he refuses, he's funny.
  • BigOnYa @ BigOnYa:
    I had to find and get him an old style flip phone even without text, cause thats what he wanted. No text, no internet, only phone calls. Old, old school.
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    https://youtu.be/z9E_uv5IT-o?si=0qMdVEnRK8mmclzS
  • K3Nv2 @ K3Nv2:
    @BigOnYa, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qRJog...com/&source_ve_path=MjM4NTE&feature=emb_title
     +1
  • Psionic Roshambo @ Psionic Roshambo:
    @BigOnYa, Lol I bought a new USB card reader thing on AliExpress last month for I think like 87 cents. Free shipping from China... It arrived it works and honestly I don't understand how it was so cheap.
     +1
    Psionic Roshambo @ Psionic Roshambo: @BigOnYa, Lol I bought a new USB card reader thing on AliExpress last month for I think like 87... +1