I'm not as happy as I should be

I don't want to stress anyone who knows me out, or cause anyone who's friends with me to look at me any less. My job is in shambles, I'm still in debt, and I'm just not happy as I should be. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is causing all this, why I'm not happy at my job, why I set myself up to failure when a challenge is presented before me. Just recently, I had an offer to get more hours at my current job, it would involve me working two seven-hour shifts in a row. My job right now entails of me driving around to stores and counting our bread (for only our brand), and the number of loaves in stock. See, the extra shifts would have required me to drive to eleven stores scattered throughout the state, with the last stop being 150 km away from where I live. Well, on Monday, when it started, I complete the work, but I felt like utter shit, and had a near-migraine headache, the pain was intense. I got myself worked up, talked myself into getting super stressed and frustrated at the driving I had to do, and the drivers who didn't know how to drive, cutting me off, and so on. I was not happy, and I told my boss how that work went, he has since put me back to working three days a week, 4 hours each. Not much at all. The problem with merchandising, is the hours are never constant, and for someone like me, who has Asperger's (yeah, I need to mention that too, but I imagine people may hate me or lose respect for me, see me in another, bad way for saying it), I need structure, and consistency in my work. I hate working all over the place, I need something constant, predictable, hell, 9-5 job would be better, but I've had rotten luck finding one that isn't an effing call center. But that's the other thing, I've been setting myself up to fail, when I know I've done hard things before, like earning my license, learning Japanese, living abroad, etc. So why the hell can't I even hold down a job properly? I also need to mention that I'm overweight, weighing 250 lbs (or 110 kg), and the fact I lack the motivation to consistently work out. Yeah, I'm not where I should be, and I want to be happier as constantly as I can. Granted, a saving grace for me is that I love animals, and that interacting with foxes heals the heart, but sadly I can't see them as often as I'd like to. In the end, though, I feel that I owe everyone an apology for my foolish and livid behavior, this isn't me at all, and I can't help but feel like crying as I try to beg forgiveness to those I've wrong :cry: :sad: I need to get my life in order, I need to stop being so damn negative, I need a change of jobs, something that doesn't require long distance driving and is within city limits. And I need help to getting myself to exercise five days a week. Thank you all.
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the_randomizer
No, I don't have the means of getting insurance for medication. I've just been really stressed at my job, and I'd rather avoid meds if I can, as they have more side-effects. I'd rather control it via exercise and eating better. But ultimately, I've been bitter at my job, because I'm only getting 12 hrs/week, and that I was doing more, unloading bread, but the warehouse is 50 km away. The problem with that, is a commute to work only 45 min, and then 45 each way wasn't productive. I wasn't even getting paid for gas to work. I just don't know what to look for in a job, and what to do about exercising.
 
M
Nobody enjoys working, i hate doing 40 hours a week as it leaves me no time for family, exercise and time to my self but that's what life is and its a pain in the ass and you should accept that. Get on with it and make of it what you can as we only go this way once.
 
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the_randomizer
That's just it, I'm only getting 13 hours a week, not even consider part time, I need to get a job with 30-40 hours a week if I'm to get a job, pay for gym, and being able to pay off my debts, and just the fact I'm not able to any of these things that I need to do is what's really stressing me out. The other problem is if I get another job, and quit my current one, I feel like I'm doing my boss a disservice, who's been very lenient and should've terminated me long ago. So, yeah, I just don't know what I can do, but at the same time, I wish to apologize to everyone for acting this way lately
 
M
Only you can do something about your situation.
 
cearp
If you really want to exercise you can do that in your bedroom, no need to go to an actual gym or even use real equipment.
You don't really want to build muscle, just lose weight, so just run and stuff, eat better/less = save money. :)
If where you live is not safe to run outside, just run in circles in your house. It might sound dumb but people who are desperate do stuff like that.
 
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the_randomizer
It's a pretty safe area, actually, but it's cold and motivating myself to go out is something I have to overcome. As far as the issue, is that I set myself up to fail whenever I try something new at work, i.e. a new shift that has a lot of driving to do. My attitude on work, the drivers, the inconsistent times, are what truly irk me the most, and I want to move on to another job, I just don't know if I should.
 
M
Cant be any worse then what you are doing and what you have now though surely? With the weight thing you need to research TDEE and macros.. this will calculate how much you should be eating a day and you can use an app on your phone called 'myfitnesspal' which you can scan food barcodes and it will work out your intakes etc. losing weight comes down to food/diet, exercise is needed when you get further down the weightloss line. When you calculate how much you should be eating deduct 500 cals a day and you will lose 1lb a week.
 
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the_randomizer
I just feel like my thoughts are more negative than they should be, and that I still do need a new job, full time or 30 hours to properly take care of my financial situation.
 
M
Lose the weight and exercise and you will feel a million dollars, hell you have all the hours in the day you need to get that weight shifted.
 
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the_randomizer
That's the main issue, I think, I feel "gross" if that makes sense, I don't have the best self-image on my physical appearance, and it's one reason I feel unmotivated to go on dates. But a job is something else I need to change as well.
 
HaloEffect17
I sympathize with you, man. I'd probably address the exercise situation first as you'll feel better just through the act of doing exercise. And perhaps if you feel comfortable, you can try things like drop-in sports if you want some variation.

And I guess just little things like making sure you're doing things for yourself. Prioritizing yourself first and your well-being, before anything else.
 
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the_randomizer
Admittedly, being in this shape has affected me mentally as well, and I really don't want to end up getting some horrific disease later in life, or diabetes, because having this kind of weight on my body is a strain. It may help if I had someone to go with, like an exercise partner.
 
DaniPoo
Im not happy all the time at work.
Im a servicedesk agent so my job is: answering the phone and assist users with technical problems remotely.
Sometimes I really feel depressed because my job is far too easy for me and I feel like there is so much potential that is going to waste.

But I started making servicedesk tools on my sparetime and on the side using Code::Blocks to automize my job a bit.
This made it more fun to go to work. Soon many of my colleagues started using my tools and eventually my teamleader and his boss agreed to give me dedicated time for software developement and local admin access to my job PC.

Since I never studied computers or programing, I really feel like this is a big achievement for me.

So what im trying to say here is: When you feel down and depressed, try to look for something that you like and do it, Once you feel happy about that it might be easier to deal with the problems. Plus, sometimes something good comes from it.
 
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HaloEffect17
Sure, I mean, there's nothing wrong with going to the gym yourself either. If you feel that another person would help, that might be a good idea. Also, I find it's best not to set a goal like lose "x" amount of pounds within "x" amount of time. To me, that would just add needless pressure, and you might feel ashamed for not meeting this goal.

It's probably better mentally to think that every time you do exercise / or go to the gym, you're "chipping away" each time and making progress with each visit.
 
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the_randomizer
@DaniPoo That may be part of it, I've had no growth and no progression in this job, for the two years that I worked here, little to no growth, so I feel stagnant and just, like, wanting to move on.

@HaloEffect17 Indeed, I won't be doing an X weight goal, but rather, maybe a "go to the gym X amount of times this week" or maybe "go to the gym despite the cold temps".
 
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M
Just remember that diet/food intake is king.... you eat too much and the wrong foods and gym/exercise wont do shit for your weight loss goals right now.
 
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DaniPoo
Have thought about starting over and doing something new?
Getting a new job might get you more motivated? You like animals right, Maybe there's a job where you get to work with animals?
 
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