I don't want to stress anyone who knows me out, or cause anyone who's friends with me to look at me any less. My job is in shambles, I'm still in debt, and I'm just not happy as I should be. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is causing all this, why I'm not happy at my job, why I set myself up to failure when a challenge is presented before me. Just recently, I had an offer to get more hours at my current job, it would involve me working two seven-hour shifts in a row. My job right now entails of me driving around to stores and counting our bread (for only our brand), and the number of loaves in stock. See, the extra shifts would have required me to drive to eleven stores scattered throughout the state, with the last stop being 150 km away from where I live. Well, on Monday, when it started, I complete the work, but I felt like utter shit, and had a near-migraine headache, the pain was intense. I got myself worked up, talked myself into getting super stressed and frustrated at the driving I had to do, and the drivers who didn't know how to drive, cutting me off, and so on. I was not happy, and I told my boss how that work went, he has since put me back to working three days a week, 4 hours each. Not much at all. The problem with merchandising, is the hours are never constant, and for someone like me, who has Asperger's (yeah, I need to mention that too, but I imagine people may hate me or lose respect for me, see me in another, bad way for saying it), I need structure, and consistency in my work. I hate working all over the place, I need something constant, predictable, hell, 9-5 job would be better, but I've had rotten luck finding one that isn't an effing call center. But that's the other thing, I've been setting myself up to fail, when I know I've done hard things before, like earning my license, learning Japanese, living abroad, etc. So why the hell can't I even hold down a job properly? I also need to mention that I'm overweight, weighing 250 lbs (or 110 kg), and the fact I lack the motivation to consistently work out. Yeah, I'm not where I should be, and I want to be happier as constantly as I can. Granted, a saving grace for me is that I love animals, and that interacting with foxes heals the heart, but sadly I can't see them as often as I'd like to. In the end, though, I feel that I owe everyone an apology for my foolish and livid behavior, this isn't me at all, and I can't help but feel like crying as I try to beg forgiveness to those I've wrong 
I need to get my life in order, I need to stop being so damn negative, I need a change of jobs, something that doesn't require long distance driving and is within city limits. And I need help to getting myself to exercise five days a week. Thank you all.
I need to get my life in order, I need to stop being so damn negative, I need a change of jobs, something that doesn't require long distance driving and is within city limits. And I need help to getting myself to exercise five days a week. Thank you all.
