Aggravating stories from tech illiterates

[loco365]

I cant stand people who are ignorant about cell phones either.

I know one particular person that hates cell phones. It's the sole reason I do not have one.

 

[Devin]

Not mine but. Apparently the following happened.

A person was installing a printer with a friend, and they were installing the software.
The person installing the software finished installing it, and it was looking for the printer.
The computer said could not find printer.
So the person installing the software moved the monitor toward the printer, and made it try looking for the printer again.

 

[Guild McCommunist]

I know one particular person that hates cell phones. It's the sole reason I do not have one.

Nowadays though it feels like a necessity to have one. Like even if you're not into texting so much it's just a safe thing to have. Nowadays I feel a bit unsafe driving without one. Like if I get lost, I have a GPS, if my car breaks down, I can call someone.

 

[loco365]

Nowadays though it feels like a necessity to have one. Like even if you're not into texting so much it's just a safe thing to have. Nowadays I feel a bit unsafe driving without one. Like if I get lost, I have a GPS, if my car breaks down, I can call someone.

The exact reason I want one. One reason I can't wait to to turn 18, is so I can sign the contract myself, instead of having a parent/legal guardian to sign it.

 

[DCG]

My sister once downloaded a file for the sims trough limewire.
I told her: I don't trust that one, if you run it, it's your problem.
Turns out it was a worm XD

But dear god, most of my family are computer illiterate as hell... and I need to fix nearly everything :/
And I don't get payed.....

 

[Sora de Eclaune]

Friend A: "Can you install the game on this flash drive onto my R4?"
Friend B: "We would sooooo love to play it."
Me: "Alright. Give me a minute..."
-Moments later-
Friend B: "So...did you install it?"
Me: "An R4 can't play this."
Friend B: "Why not?"
Me: "This is a DS TWO-specific game. Only a DS TWO can play it."
Friend A: "DS Lite is the second DS. Are you stupid? We're using the R4 on a DS TWO!"

This is why I wish I lived in a more technologically-smart area.

Edit) This happened Friday. Since then, Friend B has been sick with a cold, stuck at home, and friend A doesn't want me to explain without friend B around because they claim they wouldn't understand enough to explain it to anyone else. Friend B seemed to be a lot better today, so I'll probably go ahead and explain tomorrow.

 

[Taleweaver]

(wrote this one while gbatemp was down)

In my environment, I don't often come into contact with Mac owners. The fact that we've got one (yes: ONE. In a company of a few hundreds) is something worth pondering about.

Up until now, she rarely if ever bothered us, so I assumed she knew her stuff. How wrong I was. I really don't wanna go bashing Apple users, but...I really cannot NOT tell this one.

We moved locations this week. Of course lots of missing stuff (and others who suddenly had "extra" hardware) and all that junk, but surprisingly no real damages. In fact, our stock of about 40 PC monitors made it through all right.

But there was one screen that got broken by the moving crew. The most expensive one (over 1000 euro). Because it was HUGE (27 inch screen). And was pretty unique in the company. You guessed it.

Of course, she asked for a replacement. Which our bosses were kinda reluctant to give, as it was her last week (don't ask). This monitor had a weird sort of proprietary connection. Not knowing much of her device, I asked her if her Mac had a VGA exit.
Her reply: "huh?"
I drew her the entrance. Showed her the end of the cable. No idea.
Then she told me it was a laptop. But she still needed the monitor. Reason: the monitor powers the laptop. It had an adaptor from itself...but she had forgotten that at home.

Now this screen is broken. Worse: in an attempt of apple to be fancy, there was no physical button on the thing. Kind of odd.
Her reply: "what's a power button?"

I WISH I was making this up. For well over a year, she has never turned the screen off. She probably hasn't even touched her huge-ass monitor, save perhaps to check if it was a touchscreen.

It got worse: since I didn't want to get glass in my hands, I covered the screen in some paper towels for transportation. Fearing an electrical discharge (or even explosion) the second it turned on, I also turned it away from myself before I powered it (did I tell you the screen was HUGE? It weighed even more than the average CRT monitor).

On hindsight, I shouldn't have told her that. The monitor booted just fine and had no artifacts (in other words: it was just the glass that got broken). However...she flat our REFUSED to look at the screen, fearing an explosion.
Fine by me: she had her laptop screen and it was powered (I didn't bother to mention that it was HER idea to haul that broken HUGE screen back to her desk, just for the power).

But she couldn't work. All her icons were on the large desk (which she had turned away from herself), and none on the small one (AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!).

I remember googling for 'cloning displays' later, but dropped the whole case once I read there was no keyboard shortcut to do that. Besides...I really don't want to know how that would look.

She probably spent the rest of the day looking at her galaxy background while passers-by could see all her icons on a broken HUGE monitor.


---

Another fun one. Keep in mind: this is still in the middle of chaos of the move where PC's are to be unpacked, connections are lost and all other sorts of mayhem.

Caller: yes, I know you're busy, but...I need to know how to change my credentials in outlook.

(keep in mind 2 things:
1. she's talking about the user account settings from Active Directory. It's just that she SEES this in the address list of outlook.
2. she already called about this before the move. I gave her a link to a web-based tutorial on how to do it)

Me: erm...didn't I tell you the link?
(I DIDNT told her that it was her who forwarded this same link to the entire company)
She: yes...but it's not very user friendly. People are used to using outlook, so I was wondering how I can do it within outlook...
Me: I don't think it can be done in outlook. The thing is...<insert the explanation of active directory and outlook and such.>
She: yes, yes...but I don't see why it can't be done in outlook. Can you check...if you have time?
Me: I'm booked up 'till 2014 (it's not exactly a lie: people throw in work much faster than we can handle it)
She: I want to put it in a mailing list to everyone tomorrow.
Me: ...is there something wrong with the link I gave earlier?
She: I don't know. I haven't tried it...

If I had a button on my phone to put electrical current on the other end, I would have used it. On high voltage. I know I have complaints about our backend partner, but I've got to admit it's mostly the delivery (sloppy, too late, bureaucratic, and so on). But they've got their occasional gem of good work. This link is exactly that: written both in Dutch and French, step-by-step instructions, pictures of everything...the whole shebang.

The rest of the call was pretty nerve-wrecking. She insisted that the link wasn't "user friendly" enough and that I should look for a solution to it.

 

[GammaGeorgeX]

I once had to be at my cousin's house, and they retardized the house! They said that SSB Brawl was a crappy game just because there were pokémon in it!

There was also a time back in grade 5 where these kids were getting me to help with the sites we kept going to, and they kept typing 'www.'. I was the only one not to, and they kept saying "you forgot the www!" Oh my god that place was depressing.

And lol once I wa son my dad's computer, and he saw me using dvdvideosoft for youtube (to download vids from youtube), and he was the words 'free youtube download'. Then he said "free youtube download? Not doing that! It's okay to get videos from youtube, but not download anything!" Yes he literally said that.

Also, sometimes my dad goes into my room and threatens to take my computer just because I don't want o show him what I'm doing.

Oh yeah, and back in middle school, I was showing a friend the episode 'Goodbye Toby' form the office on moonshell, and I was told to put it away. Then my friend was saying how it was his favourite episode, and the teacher just said 'you can play that game later'. UUUUGH PUNCHING MODE... ALso when I first opened up my DS for it, it was a normal DS, and a little kid just went up and squeaked, "I have a DSi", like he was showing off, and in my head I turn into the tourettes guy, and I think, "fuck you kid you're a dick."

And you know what also pisses me off? Any in my school who notices I have a flashcart just says "yeah R4s are awesome", they just expect that all flashcarts are r4s!

A long time ago, I got a GBA SP with AGS 101 (which means the light is brighter with more battery). I didn't like how it was like that at the time, being used to my brothers old SP, so I went to gamestop to try and trade for one of those awesome dual colored ones. I asked for it when my dad was there, and he said " yeah he says his is too bright", and the cashier said "you can press the button with the sun on it to make it brighter or darker!" Thanks a lot gamestop, you're totally helpful.

When I was in third grade, my teacher's microsoft word was doing that thing where it sometimes stays on selecting multiple characters, where you just have to click to stop it. SHe asked for help to find out "why it keeps highlighting", and I tried to help, but some other kid wanted to really bad, and he couldn't even figure it out. Obviously it just fixed when the teacher clicked by accident, but they never even found out the solution.

I once had a babysitter who looked at me doing wiiplay (oh come one, I was young and I had just gotten to use it), and the sitter came in the room to say "oh the wii can play games too"?

Back in grade 5, there was a "computer teacher", literally. She did just about nothing but have trouble with opening and closing a window, and knowing that iMovie existed. I knew how retarded she acted, which was funny when almost NO one else did. Once, a kid once corrected her a few times because she was so stupid, and then she all of a sudden blurted out "YOU HAVE CORRECTED ME ABOUT 17 TIMES, I'VE BEEN TRAINED FOR THIS AND YOU KNOW NOTHING COMPARED TO ME", yeah, maybe she knew a minute's worth of closing a window!

 

[Felipe_9595]

Welp, this one happened to me, quite funny.

Last week, our radio academy finally received the implements to start our own internal radio at the school (Pretty old but impresively, quite functional things. A 1982 AlphaSix mixer working perfectly, another analog mixer and stuff that nobody had used at least for 25 years). After moving everything to our oficine, we connected everything to our main computer, booted up FL Studio, and tested the mics, to our surprise, the analog soundboard was working like a charm with FL Studio (When we connected it we thought it was gonna explode or something, really, it looked like crap). So we left with everything working.

Next day we came to the office to record our first program. Booted FL Studio, plugged the mics.... and no sound came out. Really weird, everything was working perfectly the previous day. I swear, i tried with everything. I reinstalled ASIO, reinstalled the drivers for our Soundblaster,tried with different channels in the mixer, tried with a different cable for the mic, with a different mic, with a different computer... but still, no sound came out. We lost like 40-50 minutes until i said "Ok, i give up, i dont know whats wrong with this thing". Then one of my friends asked:

"Its the mic on????"

Me: "Yes of cour-"

Me: "Fail"

Stupid mics with slippery power switchs :c

 

[mechadylan]

Radio Shack story? Radio Shack story.

Several years ago, (as FireWire was slowly dying at the hands of USB 2.0) I went to the Shack to purchase a 4-pin to 6-pin FireWire cable to plug my DV cam into my eMac G4. There were two rows: 1' cables for $39.99 and a 6' cable for $9.99. I immediately grabbed the 6 footer as it was the only one left, and then noticed 4-pin to 6-pin adapters behind it. I checked the Radio Shack product code on the adapter and it matched the one on the cable at hand (22-xxxx.) It was OBVIOUS at this point that they gave a new product an obsolete product code without completely depleting the obsolete stock first.

Luckily, an attendant approached me at this time to answer all my questions.

Clerk: Do you have any questions, sir?
Me: Yeah. Why is the 1' cable 40 bucks, but the 6' cable only 10?
Clerk: (staring at both and thinking long and hard)
Me: (Aww, man. This is gonna be good.)
Clerk: The shorter cable is going to be a lot faster because the information doesn't have to travel as far; that's why it's more expensive.

Thanks, Radio Shack. I'd never expect anything less from you.

 

[Sora de Eclaune]

Friend C: "How do I get back to the menu from the game?"
(I show her the A+B+L+R+Down combination)
Me: "You press A+B+L+R+Down simultaneously."
Friend C: "Thank you!"

Later, I see her pressing the buttons in vain. She was thinking of it like a secret cheat code, like the Gnome code from the Sims: Bustin' Out for the Gamecube or PS2, therefore wasn't holding the buttons at the same time.

We just had this conversation:

Me: "Simultaneously means at the same time."
Friend C: "Does it really?"
(She continued to attempt the button combination the same way as before.)
Friend C: "It's not working! You must have jinxed my R4."

 

[GammaGeorgeX]

Another funny one,
I was at a computer camp, and we had to burn these files to CDs.
Camp Teacher: Now you need to burn your files to a CD.
9 year old kid: Why do they have to be burned? (implying physical burning with fire)
Camp Teacher: Because you made them wrong!
My little brother: That's not true!
Camp Teacher: Yeah I know I'm just messing with him.

 

[Taleweaver]

Ugh... it was another one of those days. Not one but TWO 'bang head here' situations.

Nr1:

Before I tell this, I've gotta tell you that I don't know every single one of our >200 users by name.

Three users came to me. They couldn't print. This was normal: since we moved, it's a walk-up print thingy that requires holding your badge against the printer before it recognizes you and their print jobs. Anyway...I have to scan their badge with a USB-device and a program, and send their names and the scanned number of that badge to a colleague who'll do the technical things.

So yeah...of these three users, only two of them couldn't print. The third one was just to show them our desk (small note: this is on the same floor. And floors aren't that big. And we've moved TWO WEEKS AGO). So I scanned their badges and asked for their names. As is often the case, they barely listened and pointed out the window as if they've never seen the view before (as said: they were on the same floor. For two weeks).
After I made sure I got their names and numbers correctly (one of them even pretty much pressed her face to my monitor to make sure I wrote it correctly), I mailed it to my colleague.

About an hour later, the third person showed up. She had been able to print just fine before, but now something was amiss. It quickly turned out why: when I asked one of those two persons whom I had to deal with if she happened to be person X, she replied yes. She even spelled "her" last name. Except that it wasn't her name. It was the name of that third person who just happened to show those former two our desk.

I mailed the correction to my colleague. If it wasn't such a damn busy day, I would've seen the humour in it as well ("so she actually forgot her own name?").

...but it got worse. Yet another hour later, those two actual users showed up looking kinda apologetic. They could print...but their badges were switched.

I didn't bother to do "user friendly" when I mailed the situation to my colleague.



Nr2:

This involves our ICT backing company. It's important to know that they've got multiple clients. While roughly different companies, there is some overlap.

Anyway...today was the first day of a new user (according to HR, he started the first of november...it's not the first time we need a time machine to do our job in time). He has an account...on another company. He asked me if it was possible to keep his mail account, as there were some important mails in it.
"Sure," I say. That's the relatively easy part: because of the overlap, more than a few people "switch" from one company to another within this same group. All I needed was to give the system administrator from his former company a call and ask him to put the account in a special OU that is meant for swapping people (for obvious reasons, we don't have permission on the OU of other companies. So in order to move an account, one administrator has to put it in that shared OU and the other has to pick it up and put it in his own company).
So I call him. Pretty much as soon as I utter the words "Active Directory", he's suddenly busy in a meeting. In his own office. He says he has never had to do it before, and isn't sure what to do exactly.
Alarm bells go off in my head, but I really cannot drop it. So I agree with him that I'll mail him what to do and he'll mail me back once it's done.

If you ask me, the mail was a bit disdainful. Telling a system administrator how to use Active Directory is like telling an accountant how to use a calculator. And for the task at hand (move an account around a bit), it wouldn't be like explaining integrals. Either way...about ten minutes later I mail him the info, complete with a couple screenshots and a dummy explanation (move...THIS account...to HERE). Basically all he had to do was open active directory users and computers and drag the user to somewhere else, as if it were a file in an explorer window.

Later on the day, the user himself calls me. That "administrator" apparently had a hard time with it, so he called someone from our mutual backing company. Unfortunate for him, his problemsolver was on vacation. So it got transferred...

...to us.

I don't really like to do it, but I couldn't but tell the user the truth: his former administrator was a retard who probably lied about his curriculum.

As for our backing company: I have no idea how they even manage to do that. I honestly thought Dilbert was fiction.

 

[chavosaur]

*Playing smash bros at my buddys house*
Me: Whooped your asses again.
Tyler: Dammit, its cuz your player 1!
Max: Yea dude, everyone knows like, first player controllers have like, special handicaps to make them win at the game man...
Tyler: Yea man, its like the handicap trigger button or something.
Me: Im pretty sure all controllers are the same, especially wiimotes
Max: No way dude, you have player 1 hardware in your wiimote, thats why your winning!

... my friends smoke to much...

 

[tbgtbg]

Grandparents: "What's a digiTALL camera?"
Me (knowing damn well they won't have a clue): "Well instead of film it stores the images as
Grandparents (interrupting): *glazed over look* "HUH?"
Me: "Computers. They work with computers."

 

[hankchill]

I used to work in I.T. Client Services for Tim Hortons in Canada, All the stories I have could fill a warehouse. And not just of end user stupidity, my co-workers who were supposed "professionals" were absolute morons too.

 

[Engert]

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight for it two say,
Weather eye and wring oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long,
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.
Eye have run this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

 

[BORTZ]

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight for it two say,
Weather eye and wring oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long,
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.
Eye have run this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

English dude, english. And these are stories about people who dont understand technology, not poets corner.

 

[emigre]

I got asked if we had Mario for the Playstation 2 at work today.

It wasn't the stupidest thing I was been asked today.

 

[zRussian]

This one time, a friend of mine bought a new laptop for himself and I noticed that he was using Internet Explorer. I introduced to him Google Chrome and how much better it is and I even told him Internet Explorer is only good for installing new web browsers. Here is what he told me and I quote,''I don't want to get Chrome Google because I'm afraid to get a virus from it.''