Hi all!
Im just going to write a quick short thread about me and my life before I decide to not write anything at all, lol.
I am 34 years old, and I am at a low point in my life. I graduated from Full Sail University back in 2006, in game development, went to India for 4 years to lead Indias first console development game studio.
And thats it.... my life has been a struggle since childhood. I grew up in a broken home, this translated to my roommates in college to treated me like shit, never respected my space, tells me to "clean the fucking house" from a mess that they made partying... I had nowhere to go, I left to go India because we got evicted after college and I did not want to go back to my nightmare of a home with my piece of shit father.
India was bullshit too as well. Look up Trine Entertainment studios. We never got paid much, I still felt I delivered projects as the publishers needed, hoping that I would build my career and work portfolio. But they were failure games, half the games the studio released my name was taken off the credits, all politics, it was all to sabatoge me. Credits was taken by people who were just petty people. it got so bad I had to leave India, went back to the states in Florida with my piece of shit father, who took money from me, told me making games is a loser career (back in 2010, the height of mobile gaming takeoff) and put me to work at PANERA BREAD, for 7 Bucks an hour so I can pay him money to jerk off.
I save up and went to New York, but it was 2010/2011 job market was harsh and I ran out of money and went BACK to India (mistake, I didn't find any jobs, I thought it was my only chance to make maybe a mobile game and fix my career) of course India failed again after only 6 months, because I went back to the same people, then I had left and went back to my family where I was abused and told I was a loser.
Its been 8 years and Ive been working on a single game in unity that I feel could have been finished YEARS ago. Its very hard to focus, I have to let the past go, I have to not feel like ive wasted so many years, I have to find a new family ( I live in Portland Oregon now away from every single family member in my life). I feel just so frustrated and I feel like im at a dead end.
This is just a small summary I dont want to make it so long, I am just feeling really down right now, I feel so frustrated that its been 8 years and I cant seem to finish a game because everyone tells me I am a loser and that I am making am mistake making games I should of studied networking security. ugh.
for those of you who know, there is no seeking mental help in the United States unless you want to have PERMANENT mental health problems lol
I. just need to be part of a community where I can work on projects without any malicious energy.
Im just going to write a quick short thread about me and my life before I decide to not write anything at all, lol.
I am 34 years old, and I am at a low point in my life. I graduated from Full Sail University back in 2006, in game development, went to India for 4 years to lead Indias first console development game studio.
And thats it.... my life has been a struggle since childhood. I grew up in a broken home, this translated to my roommates in college to treated me like shit, never respected my space, tells me to "clean the fucking house" from a mess that they made partying... I had nowhere to go, I left to go India because we got evicted after college and I did not want to go back to my nightmare of a home with my piece of shit father.
India was bullshit too as well. Look up Trine Entertainment studios. We never got paid much, I still felt I delivered projects as the publishers needed, hoping that I would build my career and work portfolio. But they were failure games, half the games the studio released my name was taken off the credits, all politics, it was all to sabatoge me. Credits was taken by people who were just petty people. it got so bad I had to leave India, went back to the states in Florida with my piece of shit father, who took money from me, told me making games is a loser career (back in 2010, the height of mobile gaming takeoff) and put me to work at PANERA BREAD, for 7 Bucks an hour so I can pay him money to jerk off.
I save up and went to New York, but it was 2010/2011 job market was harsh and I ran out of money and went BACK to India (mistake, I didn't find any jobs, I thought it was my only chance to make maybe a mobile game and fix my career) of course India failed again after only 6 months, because I went back to the same people, then I had left and went back to my family where I was abused and told I was a loser.
Its been 8 years and Ive been working on a single game in unity that I feel could have been finished YEARS ago. Its very hard to focus, I have to let the past go, I have to not feel like ive wasted so many years, I have to find a new family ( I live in Portland Oregon now away from every single family member in my life). I feel just so frustrated and I feel like im at a dead end.
This is just a small summary I dont want to make it so long, I am just feeling really down right now, I feel so frustrated that its been 8 years and I cant seem to finish a game because everyone tells me I am a loser and that I am making am mistake making games I should of studied networking security. ugh.
for those of you who know, there is no seeking mental help in the United States unless you want to have PERMANENT mental health problems lol
I. just need to be part of a community where I can work on projects without any malicious energy.
