Tempmas 2009 Starting!
- Thread starter Costello
- Start date
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fuck! my video entry is still uploading in youtube. DAMN SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION.
edit: Hope they still accept it. All that hard work going to different places just to enter the competition.
Btw. Here is my entry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABUXE-uq-GI
edit: Hope they still accept it. All that hard work going to different places just to enter the competition.
Btw. Here is my entry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABUXE-uq-GI
AW CRAP I THINK I DIDNT SEND MY USERNAME TOO
can i resend and explain?
edit: why is hotmail's formatting screwed again, can i use another email? i cant seem to attach anything to the mail.
EDIT: sent lol
can i resend and explain?
edit: why is hotmail's formatting screwed again, can i use another email? i cant seem to attach anything to the mail.
EDIT: sent lol
Sterl500, my main concern with your story was the size of the paragraphs.
The content is good, but you should really try breaking those beasts up a bit, so that the reader doesn't have to face a wall of text. It will be a pleasure competing with you!
Posts merged
Hey, everyone... hope you all managed to get into the competition! I am sure you did, though. Ha... it's so exciting seeing all these great entries and waiting for the judgement!
Well, I pondered a lot about whether I'd post this here or not. It was a short story I wrote at the last moment possible, and was initially not going to enter the competition since it is so personal. But I decided that by posting it now that the entries are already up for judgement - and the judges will read it not knowing how freaking real it is - the proccess won't be tampered with. I do not want to be judged based on pity, but rather on artistic merit. If anybody is interested, this is a fictionalized version of something that happened to me this year, my submission to the writing contest - that I wish I had started sooner to actually revise it at least once...
my entry, SHATTERED:
Posts merged
Hey, everyone... hope you all managed to get into the competition! I am sure you did, though. Ha... it's so exciting seeing all these great entries and waiting for the judgement!
Well, I pondered a lot about whether I'd post this here or not. It was a short story I wrote at the last moment possible, and was initially not going to enter the competition since it is so personal. But I decided that by posting it now that the entries are already up for judgement - and the judges will read it not knowing how freaking real it is - the proccess won't be tampered with. I do not want to be judged based on pity, but rather on artistic merit. If anybody is interested, this is a fictionalized version of something that happened to me this year, my submission to the writing contest - that I wish I had started sooner to actually revise it at least once...
my entry, SHATTERED:
It took a while for my mind to process what had happened, as the situation just felt all too surreal.
After reality sunk in, another question was immediately raised: why? I stared at the floor, my hands quivering - or maybe the entirety of my body was quivering and I was unable to notice it. The upper screen had traveled all the way across the living room and now rested close to the sofa, but the lower screen was only a few centimeters away from my feet. From the screen's center, several thin and web-like lines stretched, with its leftmost part looking quite hollow... perhaps the impact had damaged it enough for a shard to fly off.
My eyes traveled up slowly, focusing on her face. She had a smug grin.
"Now you will pay more attention to me, won'tcha?" she shouted.
"Why would you do this?" was all I could reply.
"Because this is what would hurt you the most, am'I'rite, you geek?"
"Why?" I raised my voice. "You know I worked like hell to buy this!"
"My point exactly!" she laughed out loud. I cursed my family under my breath for having drilled morals so deep in my mind that for the life of me I wouldn't hit her.
"You... you are..." I stuttered. "You are... horrible."
"Is that all you can come up with? 'cause I can go on all night long about the little bitch that you are!"
It was December twelve, two weeks to Christmas.
I had hoped to spend Christmas eve nice quietly with my family, sneaking in some Dragon Quest at every opportunity I had, which was whenever they got caught up in a big holiday television show. Now I wouldn't, but on the other hand, time had come for me to get out of the mess I had entangled myself in. For three years I had put up with that wretched girl, bowing down to her every demand and tantrum. I had forgotten who I was, forgotten my friends, I was a caricature of what I had once been. But no more.
"I'm done. Just leave me alone and die." I said.
She parted her lips to reply, but before she could, I had already stormed out the door, my feet beating heavily against the stairway's steps, my mind storming with so many thoughts that I could barely understand what was going on inside my own head. I felt like an idiot for crying, like a child for caring. It was just a stupid video game, after all... but... it was my video game. It had my stickers, had my name in its welcome screen!
Out in the street, it was neither hot nor cold. There was this warm uncomfortable gust of wind that didn't help me calm down in the least. I couldn't go home like that, nevermind explain what had happened. I needed to go somewhere I could sit down and breath for a while. My feet took me aimlessly through streets I barely knew, and finally my mind had settled on something. I had read on GBAtemp that a card with a built-in SNES emulator was about to be released. I had been blown away by the idea of being able to play on the go classics that would never get remade such as Earthbound... it had left a smile on my face for days. Now I didn't even have a video game to insert the card in, nevermind actually play anything.
Keeping optimistic was becoming increasingly hard.
After what seemed like hours, I ended up on a local mall. Since it was so late, it was almost closed, and I could do little but stare at the unlit stores with closed doors, Christmas decorations just about everywhere. What a lame Christmas gift mine had been. When I was a child, I used to believe in Santa Claus. I believed so very much that one day I swear I saw him cruising the nightsky in his red sled. I had grown up and it had been imposed on me that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but somewhere within me, I still believed in him.
So, Santa... I studied hard all year, worked beyond the expectations of my job and received nothing for the effort, treated with kindness all of those around me, and even helped a few old ladies and gentlemen cross the street. I had also just taken a decision to change my life for the better, leaving behind somebody poisonous, and hoped to get back in contact with my friends as soon as possible. And my gift? Having taken away what I desired so much! Are you punishing me for something or is this a joke I am not getting?
Talking to imaginary beings solves nothing, though... why did I even bothering? I pulled a mistletoe from the front of a luxurious store and stepped several times on it in an idiotic outburst of angst. Again, acting like a child. How low would I sink?
I heard sobbing echoing across the almost deserted hall of the mall.
For a moment there I thought to walk in the opposite direction. Another person with problems? Mine seemed like enough. But yet again the worthless education that my parents had given me compelled me to go there. I started hating them for that. I wish I had just punched the girl for breaking my DS; it would be worth the jail time. Or... not... actually it wouldn't. And... the person sobbing could maybe really need help. And... sigh.
There was a girl sitting behind a staircase, shelled like a frail fetus, enshrouded in darkness.
"Are you okay?" I asked, almost whispering.
"No." she answered dryly in between sobs.
"Do you need help?"
"Look," she said, lifting her head to stare at me, her dark make-up melted across the entirety of her face. "is it too hard to grasp that maybe there is a girl that doesn't become easy just because she's sad? Go away."
"This is not why I am here. I really am asking if you need help." I continued, trying to keep my voice soft.
"Can you keep my stepfather and my mother from fighting every single goddamn day?"
"Unfortunately, no." I replied.
"Then I must repeat myself. Go away."
I sat by her side. "See, I used to fight with my girlfriend every day also. Just a few hours ago we had one final discussion, and now it's over. Funny thing is, I feel much better. So maybe they just don't belong together."
"I tell them that!" she came alive suddenly. "They don't listen!"
"Best thing you can do is try over and over. At some point they will have not choice but to listen."
She was silent for a moment. "I suppose you are right."
"And even as you told me to go away the first time, you stopped crying, so I guess you don't want me to leave all that much, right?"
"Maybe." she paused. "Really... you must be pretty brokenhearted right now." she said. "You say you are not, but I doubt it."
"Nah. She doesn't deserve a title and grand as heartbreaker. The only thing she really broke was my DS."
"How come?"
"We got to her house and I went to the shower, which felt pretty relaxing after a long day of boring work When I got out though, she was standing in the middle of the living room with my DS in hand, saying a bunch of crap about how I always mistreated her. She isn't very good in the head sometimes. Then... she just threw it so hard against the floor that it basically exploded."
"That's awful! Even if... well, it does sound like a small price to pay to get rid of somebody that could do much worse to you." she said.
"Hey, so you can actually be nice when you want to?" I winked.
"Sometimes, yes." she smiled, which felt very rewarding.
"Come on, let's get out of here and whine about our problems over some burgers." I said, extending my hand to her.
"Sounds great. Also," she opened her purse and felt around it for a bit. "It's not ideal, but... until you have your own..."
The girl pulled a Crimson DS from inside the purse.
"Maybe you can control the top screen while I control the bottom? There are some games like that, right?" she asked sincerely.
For a second there my world crumbled. I felt so happy that I wanted to cry again, but I held back the tears. I held them back and thanked my parents, and specially, I thanked Santa Claus. So that was my gift? It was not a joke, after all... and I appreciated it very much.
"That means a lot to me." I replied. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't be like that. It's nothing." she blushed a bit. What a cute girl.
"Hold on a second." I said.
"What are you gonna do?"
I went back to the front of the store and put the mistletoe back in its place, making sure it was neat and at a nice angle. Thank you, Santa. Maybe you can give me the DS too? Just a thought!
"Now we can go." I told her.
THE END
After reality sunk in, another question was immediately raised: why? I stared at the floor, my hands quivering - or maybe the entirety of my body was quivering and I was unable to notice it. The upper screen had traveled all the way across the living room and now rested close to the sofa, but the lower screen was only a few centimeters away from my feet. From the screen's center, several thin and web-like lines stretched, with its leftmost part looking quite hollow... perhaps the impact had damaged it enough for a shard to fly off.
My eyes traveled up slowly, focusing on her face. She had a smug grin.
"Now you will pay more attention to me, won'tcha?" she shouted.
"Why would you do this?" was all I could reply.
"Because this is what would hurt you the most, am'I'rite, you geek?"
"Why?" I raised my voice. "You know I worked like hell to buy this!"
"My point exactly!" she laughed out loud. I cursed my family under my breath for having drilled morals so deep in my mind that for the life of me I wouldn't hit her.
"You... you are..." I stuttered. "You are... horrible."
"Is that all you can come up with? 'cause I can go on all night long about the little bitch that you are!"
It was December twelve, two weeks to Christmas.
I had hoped to spend Christmas eve nice quietly with my family, sneaking in some Dragon Quest at every opportunity I had, which was whenever they got caught up in a big holiday television show. Now I wouldn't, but on the other hand, time had come for me to get out of the mess I had entangled myself in. For three years I had put up with that wretched girl, bowing down to her every demand and tantrum. I had forgotten who I was, forgotten my friends, I was a caricature of what I had once been. But no more.
"I'm done. Just leave me alone and die." I said.
She parted her lips to reply, but before she could, I had already stormed out the door, my feet beating heavily against the stairway's steps, my mind storming with so many thoughts that I could barely understand what was going on inside my own head. I felt like an idiot for crying, like a child for caring. It was just a stupid video game, after all... but... it was my video game. It had my stickers, had my name in its welcome screen!
Out in the street, it was neither hot nor cold. There was this warm uncomfortable gust of wind that didn't help me calm down in the least. I couldn't go home like that, nevermind explain what had happened. I needed to go somewhere I could sit down and breath for a while. My feet took me aimlessly through streets I barely knew, and finally my mind had settled on something. I had read on GBAtemp that a card with a built-in SNES emulator was about to be released. I had been blown away by the idea of being able to play on the go classics that would never get remade such as Earthbound... it had left a smile on my face for days. Now I didn't even have a video game to insert the card in, nevermind actually play anything.
Keeping optimistic was becoming increasingly hard.
After what seemed like hours, I ended up on a local mall. Since it was so late, it was almost closed, and I could do little but stare at the unlit stores with closed doors, Christmas decorations just about everywhere. What a lame Christmas gift mine had been. When I was a child, I used to believe in Santa Claus. I believed so very much that one day I swear I saw him cruising the nightsky in his red sled. I had grown up and it had been imposed on me that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but somewhere within me, I still believed in him.
So, Santa... I studied hard all year, worked beyond the expectations of my job and received nothing for the effort, treated with kindness all of those around me, and even helped a few old ladies and gentlemen cross the street. I had also just taken a decision to change my life for the better, leaving behind somebody poisonous, and hoped to get back in contact with my friends as soon as possible. And my gift? Having taken away what I desired so much! Are you punishing me for something or is this a joke I am not getting?
Talking to imaginary beings solves nothing, though... why did I even bothering? I pulled a mistletoe from the front of a luxurious store and stepped several times on it in an idiotic outburst of angst. Again, acting like a child. How low would I sink?
I heard sobbing echoing across the almost deserted hall of the mall.
For a moment there I thought to walk in the opposite direction. Another person with problems? Mine seemed like enough. But yet again the worthless education that my parents had given me compelled me to go there. I started hating them for that. I wish I had just punched the girl for breaking my DS; it would be worth the jail time. Or... not... actually it wouldn't. And... the person sobbing could maybe really need help. And... sigh.
There was a girl sitting behind a staircase, shelled like a frail fetus, enshrouded in darkness.
"Are you okay?" I asked, almost whispering.
"No." she answered dryly in between sobs.
"Do you need help?"
"Look," she said, lifting her head to stare at me, her dark make-up melted across the entirety of her face. "is it too hard to grasp that maybe there is a girl that doesn't become easy just because she's sad? Go away."
"This is not why I am here. I really am asking if you need help." I continued, trying to keep my voice soft.
"Can you keep my stepfather and my mother from fighting every single goddamn day?"
"Unfortunately, no." I replied.
"Then I must repeat myself. Go away."
I sat by her side. "See, I used to fight with my girlfriend every day also. Just a few hours ago we had one final discussion, and now it's over. Funny thing is, I feel much better. So maybe they just don't belong together."
"I tell them that!" she came alive suddenly. "They don't listen!"
"Best thing you can do is try over and over. At some point they will have not choice but to listen."
She was silent for a moment. "I suppose you are right."
"And even as you told me to go away the first time, you stopped crying, so I guess you don't want me to leave all that much, right?"
"Maybe." she paused. "Really... you must be pretty brokenhearted right now." she said. "You say you are not, but I doubt it."
"Nah. She doesn't deserve a title and grand as heartbreaker. The only thing she really broke was my DS."
"How come?"
"We got to her house and I went to the shower, which felt pretty relaxing after a long day of boring work When I got out though, she was standing in the middle of the living room with my DS in hand, saying a bunch of crap about how I always mistreated her. She isn't very good in the head sometimes. Then... she just threw it so hard against the floor that it basically exploded."
"That's awful! Even if... well, it does sound like a small price to pay to get rid of somebody that could do much worse to you." she said.
"Hey, so you can actually be nice when you want to?" I winked.
"Sometimes, yes." she smiled, which felt very rewarding.
"Come on, let's get out of here and whine about our problems over some burgers." I said, extending my hand to her.
"Sounds great. Also," she opened her purse and felt around it for a bit. "It's not ideal, but... until you have your own..."
The girl pulled a Crimson DS from inside the purse.
"Maybe you can control the top screen while I control the bottom? There are some games like that, right?" she asked sincerely.
For a second there my world crumbled. I felt so happy that I wanted to cry again, but I held back the tears. I held them back and thanked my parents, and specially, I thanked Santa Claus. So that was my gift? It was not a joke, after all... and I appreciated it very much.
"That means a lot to me." I replied. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't be like that. It's nothing." she blushed a bit. What a cute girl.
"Hold on a second." I said.
"What are you gonna do?"
I went back to the front of the store and put the mistletoe back in its place, making sure it was neat and at a nice angle. Thank you, Santa. Maybe you can give me the DS too? Just a thought!
"Now we can go." I told her.
THE END
<!--quoteo(post=2475813:date=Dec 21 2009, 07:25 PM:name=MarkDarkness)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(MarkDarkness @ Dec 21 2009, 07:25 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475813"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><i>Sterl500</i>, my main concern with your story was the size of the paragraphs. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /> The content is good, but you should really try breaking those beasts up a bit, so that the reader doesn't have to face a wall of text. It will be a pleasure competing with you!
<!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro--><b><!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Posts merged<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b><!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc-->
Hey, everyone... hope you all managed to get into the competition! I am sure you did, though. Ha... it's so exciting seeing all these great entries and waiting for the judgement!
Well, I pondered a lot about whether I'd post this here or not. It was a short story I wrote at the last moment possible, and was initially not going to enter the competition since it is so personal. But I decided that by posting it now that the entries are already up for judgement - and the judges will read it not knowing how freaking real it is - the proccess won't be tampered with. I do not want to be judged based on pity, but rather on artistic merit. If anybody is interested, this is a fictionalized version of something that happened to me this year, my submission to the writing contest - that I wish I had started sooner to actually revise it at least once...
my entry, <b>SHATTERED</b>:
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Even though I'd like to win, I've got no chance against this. Good job. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />
To be honest, it was pretty touching. Everything a guy wants!
Sorry I didn't do that before. Don't wanna ruin the story at all.
" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /> The content is good, but you should really try breaking those beasts up a bit, so that the reader doesn't have to face a wall of text. It will be a pleasure competing with you!<!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro--><b><!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Posts merged<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b><!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc-->
Hey, everyone... hope you all managed to get into the competition! I am sure you did, though. Ha... it's so exciting seeing all these great entries and waiting for the judgement!
Well, I pondered a lot about whether I'd post this here or not. It was a short story I wrote at the last moment possible, and was initially not going to enter the competition since it is so personal. But I decided that by posting it now that the entries are already up for judgement - and the judges will read it not knowing how freaking real it is - the proccess won't be tampered with. I do not want to be judged based on pity, but rather on artistic merit. If anybody is interested, this is a fictionalized version of something that happened to me this year, my submission to the writing contest - that I wish I had started sooner to actually revise it at least once...
my entry, <b>SHATTERED</b>:
It took a while for my mind to process what had happened, as the situation just felt all too surreal.
After reality sunk in, another question was immediately raised: why? I stared at the floor, my hands quivering - or maybe the entirety of my body was quivering and I was unable to notice it. The upper screen had traveled all the way across the living room and now rested close to the sofa, but the lower screen was only a few centimeters away from my feet. From the screen's center, several thin and web-like lines stretched, with its leftmost part looking quite hollow... perhaps the impact had damaged it enough for a shard to fly off.
My eyes traveled up slowly, focusing on her face. She had a smug grin.
"Now you will pay more attention to me, won'tcha?" she shouted.
"Why would you do this?" was all I could reply.
"Because this is what would hurt you the most, am'I'rite, you geek?"
"Why?" I raised my voice. "You know I worked like hell to buy this!"
"My point exactly!" she laughed out loud. I cursed my family under my breath for having drilled morals so deep in my mind that for the life of me I wouldn't hit her.
"You... you are..." I stuttered. "You are... horrible."
"Is that all you can come up with? 'cause I can go on all night long about the little bitch that you are!"
It was December twelve, two weeks to Christmas.
I had hoped to spend Christmas eve nice quietly with my family, sneaking in some Dragon Quest at every opportunity I had, which was whenever they got caught up in a big holiday television show. Now I wouldn't, but on the other hand, time had come for me to get out of the mess I had entangled myself in. For three years I had put up with that wretched girl, bowing down to her every demand and tantrum. I had forgotten who I was, forgotten my friends, I was a caricature of what I had once been. But no more.
"I'm done. Just leave me alone and die." I said.
She parted her lips to reply, but before she could, I had already stormed out the door, my feet beating heavily against the stairway's steps, my mind storming with so many thoughts that I could barely understand what was going on inside my own head. I felt like an idiot for crying, like a child for caring. It was just a stupid video game, after all... but... it was my video game. It had my stickers, had my name in its welcome screen!
Out in the street, it was neither hot nor cold. There was this warm uncomfortable gust of wind that didn't help me calm down in the least. I couldn't go home like that, nevermind explain what had happened. I needed to go somewhere I could sit down and breath for a while. My feet took me aimlessly through streets I barely knew, and finally my mind had settled on something. I had read on GBAtemp that a card with a built-in SNES emulator was about to be released. I had been blown away by the idea of being able to play on the go classics that would never get remade such as Earthbound... it had left a smile on my face for days. Now I didn't even have a video game to insert the card in, nevermind actually play anything.
Keeping optimistic was becoming increasingly hard.
After what seemed like hours, I ended up on a local mall. Since it was so late, it was almost closed, and I could do little but stare at the unlit stores with closed doors, Christmas decorations just about everywhere. What a lame Christmas gift mine had been. When I was a child, I used to believe in Santa Claus. I believed so very much that one day I swear I saw him cruising the nightsky in his red sled. I had grown up and it had been imposed on me that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but somewhere within me, I still believed in him.
So, Santa... I studied hard all year, worked beyond the expectations of my job and received nothing for the effort, treated with kindness all of those around me, and even helped a few old ladies and gentlemen cross the street. I had also just taken a decision to change my life for the better, leaving behind somebody poisonous, and hoped to get back in contact with my friends as soon as possible. And my gift? Having taken away what I desired so much! Are you punishing me for something or is this a joke I am not getting?
Talking to imaginary beings solves nothing, though... why did I even bothering? I pulled a mistletoe from the front of a luxurious store and stepped several times on it in an idiotic outburst of angst. Again, acting like a child. How low would I sink?
I heard sobbing echoing across the almost deserted hall of the mall.
For a moment there I thought to walk in the opposite direction. Another person with problems? Mine seemed like enough. But yet again the worthless education that my parents had given me compelled me to go there. I started hating them for that. I wish I had just punched the girl for breaking my DS; it would be worth the jail time. Or... not... actually it wouldn't. And... the person sobbing could maybe really need help. And... sigh.
There was a girl sitting behind a staircase, shelled like a frail fetus, enshrouded in darkness.
"Are you okay?" I asked, almost whispering.
"No." she answered dryly in between sobs.
"Do you need help?"
"Look," she said, lifting her head to stare at me, her dark make-up melted across the entirety of her face. "is it too hard to grasp that maybe there is a girl that doesn't become easy just because she's sad? Go away."
"This is not why I am here. I really am asking if you need help." I continued, trying to keep my voice soft.
"Can you keep my stepfather and my mother from fighting every single goddamn day?"
"Unfortunately, no." I replied.
"Then I must repeat myself. Go away."
I sat by her side. "See, I used to fight with my girlfriend every day also. Just a few hours ago we had one final discussion, and now it's over. Funny thing is, I feel much better. So maybe they just don't belong together."
"I tell them that!" she came alive suddenly. "They don't listen!"
"Best thing you can do is try over and over. At some point they will have not choice but to listen."
She was silent for a moment. "I suppose you are right."
"And even as you told me to go away the first time, you stopped crying, so I guess you don't want me to leave all that much, right?"
"Maybe." she paused. "Really... you must be pretty brokenhearted right now." she said. "You say you are not, but I doubt it."
"Nah. She doesn't deserve a title and grand as heartbreaker. The only thing she really broke was my DS."
"How come?"
"We got to her house and I went to the shower, which felt pretty relaxing after a long day of boring work When I got out though, she was standing in the middle of the living room with my DS in hand, saying a bunch of crap about how I always mistreated her. She isn't very good in the head sometimes. Then... she just threw it so hard against the floor that it basically exploded."
"That's awful! Even if... well, it does sound like a small price to pay to get rid of somebody that could do much worse to you." she said.
"Hey, so you can actually be nice when you want to?" I winked.
"Sometimes, yes." she smiled, which felt very rewarding.
"Come on, let's get out of here and whine about our problems over some burgers." I said, extending my hand to her.
"Sounds great. Also," she opened her purse and felt around it for a bit. "It's not ideal, but... until you have your own..."
The girl pulled a Crimson DS from inside the purse.
"Maybe you can control the top screen while I control the bottom? There are some games like that, right?" she asked sincerely.
For a second there my world crumbled. I felt so happy that I wanted to cry again, but I held back the tears. I held them back and thanked my parents, and specially, I thanked Santa Claus. So that was my gift? It was not a joke, after all... and I appreciated it very much.
"That means a lot to me." I replied. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't be like that. It's nothing." she blushed a bit. What a cute girl.
"Hold on a second." I said.
"What are you gonna do?"
I went back to the front of the store and put the mistletoe back in its place, making sure it was neat and at a nice angle. Thank you, Santa. Maybe you can give me the DS too? Just a thought!
"Now we can go." I told her.
THE END
After reality sunk in, another question was immediately raised: why? I stared at the floor, my hands quivering - or maybe the entirety of my body was quivering and I was unable to notice it. The upper screen had traveled all the way across the living room and now rested close to the sofa, but the lower screen was only a few centimeters away from my feet. From the screen's center, several thin and web-like lines stretched, with its leftmost part looking quite hollow... perhaps the impact had damaged it enough for a shard to fly off.
My eyes traveled up slowly, focusing on her face. She had a smug grin.
"Now you will pay more attention to me, won'tcha?" she shouted.
"Why would you do this?" was all I could reply.
"Because this is what would hurt you the most, am'I'rite, you geek?"
"Why?" I raised my voice. "You know I worked like hell to buy this!"
"My point exactly!" she laughed out loud. I cursed my family under my breath for having drilled morals so deep in my mind that for the life of me I wouldn't hit her.
"You... you are..." I stuttered. "You are... horrible."
"Is that all you can come up with? 'cause I can go on all night long about the little bitch that you are!"
It was December twelve, two weeks to Christmas.
I had hoped to spend Christmas eve nice quietly with my family, sneaking in some Dragon Quest at every opportunity I had, which was whenever they got caught up in a big holiday television show. Now I wouldn't, but on the other hand, time had come for me to get out of the mess I had entangled myself in. For three years I had put up with that wretched girl, bowing down to her every demand and tantrum. I had forgotten who I was, forgotten my friends, I was a caricature of what I had once been. But no more.
"I'm done. Just leave me alone and die." I said.
She parted her lips to reply, but before she could, I had already stormed out the door, my feet beating heavily against the stairway's steps, my mind storming with so many thoughts that I could barely understand what was going on inside my own head. I felt like an idiot for crying, like a child for caring. It was just a stupid video game, after all... but... it was my video game. It had my stickers, had my name in its welcome screen!
Out in the street, it was neither hot nor cold. There was this warm uncomfortable gust of wind that didn't help me calm down in the least. I couldn't go home like that, nevermind explain what had happened. I needed to go somewhere I could sit down and breath for a while. My feet took me aimlessly through streets I barely knew, and finally my mind had settled on something. I had read on GBAtemp that a card with a built-in SNES emulator was about to be released. I had been blown away by the idea of being able to play on the go classics that would never get remade such as Earthbound... it had left a smile on my face for days. Now I didn't even have a video game to insert the card in, nevermind actually play anything.
Keeping optimistic was becoming increasingly hard.
After what seemed like hours, I ended up on a local mall. Since it was so late, it was almost closed, and I could do little but stare at the unlit stores with closed doors, Christmas decorations just about everywhere. What a lame Christmas gift mine had been. When I was a child, I used to believe in Santa Claus. I believed so very much that one day I swear I saw him cruising the nightsky in his red sled. I had grown up and it had been imposed on me that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but somewhere within me, I still believed in him.
So, Santa... I studied hard all year, worked beyond the expectations of my job and received nothing for the effort, treated with kindness all of those around me, and even helped a few old ladies and gentlemen cross the street. I had also just taken a decision to change my life for the better, leaving behind somebody poisonous, and hoped to get back in contact with my friends as soon as possible. And my gift? Having taken away what I desired so much! Are you punishing me for something or is this a joke I am not getting?
Talking to imaginary beings solves nothing, though... why did I even bothering? I pulled a mistletoe from the front of a luxurious store and stepped several times on it in an idiotic outburst of angst. Again, acting like a child. How low would I sink?
I heard sobbing echoing across the almost deserted hall of the mall.
For a moment there I thought to walk in the opposite direction. Another person with problems? Mine seemed like enough. But yet again the worthless education that my parents had given me compelled me to go there. I started hating them for that. I wish I had just punched the girl for breaking my DS; it would be worth the jail time. Or... not... actually it wouldn't. And... the person sobbing could maybe really need help. And... sigh.
There was a girl sitting behind a staircase, shelled like a frail fetus, enshrouded in darkness.
"Are you okay?" I asked, almost whispering.
"No." she answered dryly in between sobs.
"Do you need help?"
"Look," she said, lifting her head to stare at me, her dark make-up melted across the entirety of her face. "is it too hard to grasp that maybe there is a girl that doesn't become easy just because she's sad? Go away."
"This is not why I am here. I really am asking if you need help." I continued, trying to keep my voice soft.
"Can you keep my stepfather and my mother from fighting every single goddamn day?"
"Unfortunately, no." I replied.
"Then I must repeat myself. Go away."
I sat by her side. "See, I used to fight with my girlfriend every day also. Just a few hours ago we had one final discussion, and now it's over. Funny thing is, I feel much better. So maybe they just don't belong together."
"I tell them that!" she came alive suddenly. "They don't listen!"
"Best thing you can do is try over and over. At some point they will have not choice but to listen."
She was silent for a moment. "I suppose you are right."
"And even as you told me to go away the first time, you stopped crying, so I guess you don't want me to leave all that much, right?"
"Maybe." she paused. "Really... you must be pretty brokenhearted right now." she said. "You say you are not, but I doubt it."
"Nah. She doesn't deserve a title and grand as heartbreaker. The only thing she really broke was my DS."
"How come?"
"We got to her house and I went to the shower, which felt pretty relaxing after a long day of boring work When I got out though, she was standing in the middle of the living room with my DS in hand, saying a bunch of crap about how I always mistreated her. She isn't very good in the head sometimes. Then... she just threw it so hard against the floor that it basically exploded."
"That's awful! Even if... well, it does sound like a small price to pay to get rid of somebody that could do much worse to you." she said.
"Hey, so you can actually be nice when you want to?" I winked.
"Sometimes, yes." she smiled, which felt very rewarding.
"Come on, let's get out of here and whine about our problems over some burgers." I said, extending my hand to her.
"Sounds great. Also," she opened her purse and felt around it for a bit. "It's not ideal, but... until you have your own..."
The girl pulled a Crimson DS from inside the purse.
"Maybe you can control the top screen while I control the bottom? There are some games like that, right?" she asked sincerely.
For a second there my world crumbled. I felt so happy that I wanted to cry again, but I held back the tears. I held them back and thanked my parents, and specially, I thanked Santa Claus. So that was my gift? It was not a joke, after all... and I appreciated it very much.
"That means a lot to me." I replied. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't be like that. It's nothing." she blushed a bit. What a cute girl.
"Hold on a second." I said.
"What are you gonna do?"
I went back to the front of the store and put the mistletoe back in its place, making sure it was neat and at a nice angle. Thank you, Santa. Maybe you can give me the DS too? Just a thought!
"Now we can go." I told her.
THE END
" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />To be honest, it was pretty touching. Everything a guy wants!
Video games and a nice girlfriend!
<!--quoteo(post=2475813:date=Dec 21 2009, 10:25 PM:name=MarkDarkness)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(MarkDarkness @ Dec 21 2009, 10:25 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475813"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><i>Sterl500</i>, my main concern with your story was the size of the paragraphs. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /> The content is good, but you should really try breaking those beasts up a bit, so that the reader doesn't have to face a wall of text. It will be a pleasure competing with you!
<!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro--><b><!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Posts merged<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b><!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc-->
Hey, everyone... hope you all managed to get into the competition! I am sure you did, though. Ha... it's so exciting seeing all these great entries and waiting for the judgement!
Well, I pondered a lot about whether I'd post this here or not. It was a short story I wrote at the last moment possible, and was initially not going to enter the competition since it is so personal. But I decided that by posting it now that the entries are already up for judgement - and the judges will read it not knowing how freaking real it is - the proccess won't be tampered with. I do not want to be judged based on pity, but rather on artistic merit. If anybody is interested, this is a fictionalized version of something that happened to me this year, my submission to the writing contest - that I wish I had started sooner to actually revise it at least once...
my entry, <b>SHATTERED</b>:
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Great read! I thought about the paragraphs, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I should split them up. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /> Glad that ended happily for you (if that was the way the real life account went, but if not, then all the power to you for creating the very entangling story that just pulled me in. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> ).
<!--quoteo(post=2475242:date=Dec 21 2009, 05:42 PM:name=Revolutionize)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Revolutionize @ Dec 21 2009, 05:42 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475242"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=2475209:date=Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM:name=Sterl500)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sterl500 @ Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475209"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->So anyone read that story I posted? After looking at all the entries so far (quite a bit are very good <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> ), I am getting nervous that no one has posted their Poetry/Writing entry (other than me). <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Ya, I read the story. It's quite good. Better than mine, as a matter of fact....
I'm not going to post mine just yet. Maybe after the contest ends.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--quoteo(post=2475251:date=Dec 21 2009, 05:46 PM:name=MegaAce™)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(MegaAce™ @ Dec 21 2009, 05:46 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475251"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=2475209:date=Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM:name=Sterl500)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sterl500 @ Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475209"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->So anyone read that story I posted? After looking at all the entries so far (quite a bit are very good <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> ), I am getting nervous that no one has posted their Poetry/Writing entry (other than me). <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I posted my poem as well, but its sure not as good as your story. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" />
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thanks for the positive posts everybody, and I am very interested in you all's entries. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="wink.gif" />
" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /> The content is good, but you should really try breaking those beasts up a bit, so that the reader doesn't have to face a wall of text. It will be a pleasure competing with you!<!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro--><b><!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Posts merged<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b><!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc-->
Hey, everyone... hope you all managed to get into the competition! I am sure you did, though. Ha... it's so exciting seeing all these great entries and waiting for the judgement!
Well, I pondered a lot about whether I'd post this here or not. It was a short story I wrote at the last moment possible, and was initially not going to enter the competition since it is so personal. But I decided that by posting it now that the entries are already up for judgement - and the judges will read it not knowing how freaking real it is - the proccess won't be tampered with. I do not want to be judged based on pity, but rather on artistic merit. If anybody is interested, this is a fictionalized version of something that happened to me this year, my submission to the writing contest - that I wish I had started sooner to actually revise it at least once...
my entry, <b>SHATTERED</b>:
It took a while for my mind to process what had happened, as the situation just felt all too surreal.
After reality sunk in, another question was immediately raised: why? I stared at the floor, my hands quivering - or maybe the entirety of my body was quivering and I was unable to notice it. The upper screen had traveled all the way across the living room and now rested close to the sofa, but the lower screen was only a few centimeters away from my feet. From the screen's center, several thin and web-like lines stretched, with its leftmost part looking quite hollow... perhaps the impact had damaged it enough for a shard to fly off.
My eyes traveled up slowly, focusing on her face. She had a smug grin.
"Now you will pay more attention to me, won'tcha?" she shouted.
"Why would you do this?" was all I could reply.
"Because this is what would hurt you the most, am'I'rite, you geek?"
"Why?" I raised my voice. "You know I worked like hell to buy this!"
"My point exactly!" she laughed out loud. I cursed my family under my breath for having drilled morals so deep in my mind that for the life of me I wouldn't hit her.
"You... you are..." I stuttered. "You are... horrible."
"Is that all you can come up with? 'cause I can go on all night long about the little bitch that you are!"
It was December twelve, two weeks to Christmas.
I had hoped to spend Christmas eve nice quietly with my family, sneaking in some Dragon Quest at every opportunity I had, which was whenever they got caught up in a big holiday television show. Now I wouldn't, but on the other hand, time had come for me to get out of the mess I had entangled myself in. For three years I had put up with that wretched girl, bowing down to her every demand and tantrum. I had forgotten who I was, forgotten my friends, I was a caricature of what I had once been. But no more.
"I'm done. Just leave me alone and die." I said.
She parted her lips to reply, but before she could, I had already stormed out the door, my feet beating heavily against the stairway's steps, my mind storming with so many thoughts that I could barely understand what was going on inside my own head. I felt like an idiot for crying, like a child for caring. It was just a stupid video game, after all... but... it was my video game. It had my stickers, had my name in its welcome screen!
Out in the street, it was neither hot nor cold. There was this warm uncomfortable gust of wind that didn't help me calm down in the least. I couldn't go home like that, nevermind explain what had happened. I needed to go somewhere I could sit down and breath for a while. My feet took me aimlessly through streets I barely knew, and finally my mind had settled on something. I had read on GBAtemp that a card with a built-in SNES emulator was about to be released. I had been blown away by the idea of being able to play on the go classics that would never get remade such as Earthbound... it had left a smile on my face for days. Now I didn't even have a video game to insert the card in, nevermind actually play anything.
Keeping optimistic was becoming increasingly hard.
After what seemed like hours, I ended up on a local mall. Since it was so late, it was almost closed, and I could do little but stare at the unlit stores with closed doors, Christmas decorations just about everywhere. What a lame Christmas gift mine had been. When I was a child, I used to believe in Santa Claus. I believed so very much that one day I swear I saw him cruising the nightsky in his red sled. I had grown up and it had been imposed on me that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but somewhere within me, I still believed in him.
So, Santa... I studied hard all year, worked beyond the expectations of my job and received nothing for the effort, treated with kindness all of those around me, and even helped a few old ladies and gentlemen cross the street. I had also just taken a decision to change my life for the better, leaving behind somebody poisonous, and hoped to get back in contact with my friends as soon as possible. And my gift? Having taken away what I desired so much! Are you punishing me for something or is this a joke I am not getting?
Talking to imaginary beings solves nothing, though... why did I even bothering? I pulled a mistletoe from the front of a luxurious store and stepped several times on it in an idiotic outburst of angst. Again, acting like a child. How low would I sink?
I heard sobbing echoing across the almost deserted hall of the mall.
For a moment there I thought to walk in the opposite direction. Another person with problems? Mine seemed like enough. But yet again the worthless education that my parents had given me compelled me to go there. I started hating them for that. I wish I had just punched the girl for breaking my DS; it would be worth the jail time. Or... not... actually it wouldn't. And... the person sobbing could maybe really need help. And... sigh.
There was a girl sitting behind a staircase, shelled like a frail fetus, enshrouded in darkness.
"Are you okay?" I asked, almost whispering.
"No." she answered dryly in between sobs.
"Do you need help?"
"Look," she said, lifting her head to stare at me, her dark make-up melted across the entirety of her face. "is it too hard to grasp that maybe there is a girl that doesn't become easy just because she's sad? Go away."
"This is not why I am here. I really am asking if you need help." I continued, trying to keep my voice soft.
"Can you keep my stepfather and my mother from fighting every single goddamn day?"
"Unfortunately, no." I replied.
"Then I must repeat myself. Go away."
I sat by her side. "See, I used to fight with my girlfriend every day also. Just a few hours ago we had one final discussion, and now it's over. Funny thing is, I feel much better. So maybe they just don't belong together."
"I tell them that!" she came alive suddenly. "They don't listen!"
"Best thing you can do is try over and over. At some point they will have not choice but to listen."
She was silent for a moment. "I suppose you are right."
"And even as you told me to go away the first time, you stopped crying, so I guess you don't want me to leave all that much, right?"
"Maybe." she paused. "Really... you must be pretty brokenhearted right now." she said. "You say you are not, but I doubt it."
"Nah. She doesn't deserve a title and grand as heartbreaker. The only thing she really broke was my DS."
"How come?"
"We got to her house and I went to the shower, which felt pretty relaxing after a long day of boring work When I got out though, she was standing in the middle of the living room with my DS in hand, saying a bunch of crap about how I always mistreated her. She isn't very good in the head sometimes. Then... she just threw it so hard against the floor that it basically exploded."
"That's awful! Even if... well, it does sound like a small price to pay to get rid of somebody that could do much worse to you." she said.
"Hey, so you can actually be nice when you want to?" I winked.
"Sometimes, yes." she smiled, which felt very rewarding.
"Come on, let's get out of here and whine about our problems over some burgers." I said, extending my hand to her.
"Sounds great. Also," she opened her purse and felt around it for a bit. "It's not ideal, but... until you have your own..."
The girl pulled a Crimson DS from inside the purse.
"Maybe you can control the top screen while I control the bottom? There are some games like that, right?" she asked sincerely.
For a second there my world crumbled. I felt so happy that I wanted to cry again, but I held back the tears. I held them back and thanked my parents, and specially, I thanked Santa Claus. So that was my gift? It was not a joke, after all... and I appreciated it very much.
"That means a lot to me." I replied. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't be like that. It's nothing." she blushed a bit. What a cute girl.
"Hold on a second." I said.
"What are you gonna do?"
I went back to the front of the store and put the mistletoe back in its place, making sure it was neat and at a nice angle. Thank you, Santa. Maybe you can give me the DS too? Just a thought!
"Now we can go." I told her.
THE END
After reality sunk in, another question was immediately raised: why? I stared at the floor, my hands quivering - or maybe the entirety of my body was quivering and I was unable to notice it. The upper screen had traveled all the way across the living room and now rested close to the sofa, but the lower screen was only a few centimeters away from my feet. From the screen's center, several thin and web-like lines stretched, with its leftmost part looking quite hollow... perhaps the impact had damaged it enough for a shard to fly off.
My eyes traveled up slowly, focusing on her face. She had a smug grin.
"Now you will pay more attention to me, won'tcha?" she shouted.
"Why would you do this?" was all I could reply.
"Because this is what would hurt you the most, am'I'rite, you geek?"
"Why?" I raised my voice. "You know I worked like hell to buy this!"
"My point exactly!" she laughed out loud. I cursed my family under my breath for having drilled morals so deep in my mind that for the life of me I wouldn't hit her.
"You... you are..." I stuttered. "You are... horrible."
"Is that all you can come up with? 'cause I can go on all night long about the little bitch that you are!"
It was December twelve, two weeks to Christmas.
I had hoped to spend Christmas eve nice quietly with my family, sneaking in some Dragon Quest at every opportunity I had, which was whenever they got caught up in a big holiday television show. Now I wouldn't, but on the other hand, time had come for me to get out of the mess I had entangled myself in. For three years I had put up with that wretched girl, bowing down to her every demand and tantrum. I had forgotten who I was, forgotten my friends, I was a caricature of what I had once been. But no more.
"I'm done. Just leave me alone and die." I said.
She parted her lips to reply, but before she could, I had already stormed out the door, my feet beating heavily against the stairway's steps, my mind storming with so many thoughts that I could barely understand what was going on inside my own head. I felt like an idiot for crying, like a child for caring. It was just a stupid video game, after all... but... it was my video game. It had my stickers, had my name in its welcome screen!
Out in the street, it was neither hot nor cold. There was this warm uncomfortable gust of wind that didn't help me calm down in the least. I couldn't go home like that, nevermind explain what had happened. I needed to go somewhere I could sit down and breath for a while. My feet took me aimlessly through streets I barely knew, and finally my mind had settled on something. I had read on GBAtemp that a card with a built-in SNES emulator was about to be released. I had been blown away by the idea of being able to play on the go classics that would never get remade such as Earthbound... it had left a smile on my face for days. Now I didn't even have a video game to insert the card in, nevermind actually play anything.
Keeping optimistic was becoming increasingly hard.
After what seemed like hours, I ended up on a local mall. Since it was so late, it was almost closed, and I could do little but stare at the unlit stores with closed doors, Christmas decorations just about everywhere. What a lame Christmas gift mine had been. When I was a child, I used to believe in Santa Claus. I believed so very much that one day I swear I saw him cruising the nightsky in his red sled. I had grown up and it had been imposed on me that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but somewhere within me, I still believed in him.
So, Santa... I studied hard all year, worked beyond the expectations of my job and received nothing for the effort, treated with kindness all of those around me, and even helped a few old ladies and gentlemen cross the street. I had also just taken a decision to change my life for the better, leaving behind somebody poisonous, and hoped to get back in contact with my friends as soon as possible. And my gift? Having taken away what I desired so much! Are you punishing me for something or is this a joke I am not getting?
Talking to imaginary beings solves nothing, though... why did I even bothering? I pulled a mistletoe from the front of a luxurious store and stepped several times on it in an idiotic outburst of angst. Again, acting like a child. How low would I sink?
I heard sobbing echoing across the almost deserted hall of the mall.
For a moment there I thought to walk in the opposite direction. Another person with problems? Mine seemed like enough. But yet again the worthless education that my parents had given me compelled me to go there. I started hating them for that. I wish I had just punched the girl for breaking my DS; it would be worth the jail time. Or... not... actually it wouldn't. And... the person sobbing could maybe really need help. And... sigh.
There was a girl sitting behind a staircase, shelled like a frail fetus, enshrouded in darkness.
"Are you okay?" I asked, almost whispering.
"No." she answered dryly in between sobs.
"Do you need help?"
"Look," she said, lifting her head to stare at me, her dark make-up melted across the entirety of her face. "is it too hard to grasp that maybe there is a girl that doesn't become easy just because she's sad? Go away."
"This is not why I am here. I really am asking if you need help." I continued, trying to keep my voice soft.
"Can you keep my stepfather and my mother from fighting every single goddamn day?"
"Unfortunately, no." I replied.
"Then I must repeat myself. Go away."
I sat by her side. "See, I used to fight with my girlfriend every day also. Just a few hours ago we had one final discussion, and now it's over. Funny thing is, I feel much better. So maybe they just don't belong together."
"I tell them that!" she came alive suddenly. "They don't listen!"
"Best thing you can do is try over and over. At some point they will have not choice but to listen."
She was silent for a moment. "I suppose you are right."
"And even as you told me to go away the first time, you stopped crying, so I guess you don't want me to leave all that much, right?"
"Maybe." she paused. "Really... you must be pretty brokenhearted right now." she said. "You say you are not, but I doubt it."
"Nah. She doesn't deserve a title and grand as heartbreaker. The only thing she really broke was my DS."
"How come?"
"We got to her house and I went to the shower, which felt pretty relaxing after a long day of boring work When I got out though, she was standing in the middle of the living room with my DS in hand, saying a bunch of crap about how I always mistreated her. She isn't very good in the head sometimes. Then... she just threw it so hard against the floor that it basically exploded."
"That's awful! Even if... well, it does sound like a small price to pay to get rid of somebody that could do much worse to you." she said.
"Hey, so you can actually be nice when you want to?" I winked.
"Sometimes, yes." she smiled, which felt very rewarding.
"Come on, let's get out of here and whine about our problems over some burgers." I said, extending my hand to her.
"Sounds great. Also," she opened her purse and felt around it for a bit. "It's not ideal, but... until you have your own..."
The girl pulled a Crimson DS from inside the purse.
"Maybe you can control the top screen while I control the bottom? There are some games like that, right?" she asked sincerely.
For a second there my world crumbled. I felt so happy that I wanted to cry again, but I held back the tears. I held them back and thanked my parents, and specially, I thanked Santa Claus. So that was my gift? It was not a joke, after all... and I appreciated it very much.
"That means a lot to me." I replied. "Thank you."
"Hey, don't be like that. It's nothing." she blushed a bit. What a cute girl.
"Hold on a second." I said.
"What are you gonna do?"
I went back to the front of the store and put the mistletoe back in its place, making sure it was neat and at a nice angle. Thank you, Santa. Maybe you can give me the DS too? Just a thought!
"Now we can go." I told her.
THE END
Great read! I thought about the paragraphs, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I should split them up. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /> Glad that ended happily for you (if that was the way the real life account went, but if not, then all the power to you for creating the very entangling story that just pulled me in. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> ).<!--quoteo(post=2475242:date=Dec 21 2009, 05:42 PM:name=Revolutionize)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Revolutionize @ Dec 21 2009, 05:42 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475242"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=2475209:date=Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM:name=Sterl500)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sterl500 @ Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475209"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->So anyone read that story I posted? After looking at all the entries so far (quite a bit are very good <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> ), I am getting nervous that no one has posted their Poetry/Writing entry (other than me). <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Ya, I read the story. It's quite good. Better than mine, as a matter of fact....
I'm not going to post mine just yet. Maybe after the contest ends.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--quoteo(post=2475251:date=Dec 21 2009, 05:46 PM:name=MegaAce™)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(MegaAce™ @ Dec 21 2009, 05:46 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475251"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=2475209:date=Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM:name=Sterl500)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sterl500 @ Dec 21 2009, 11:27 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2475209"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->So anyone read that story I posted? After looking at all the entries so far (quite a bit are very good <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /> ), I am getting nervous that no one has posted their Poetry/Writing entry (other than me). <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="frown.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->I posted my poem as well, but its sure not as good as your story. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thanks for the positive posts everybody, and I am very interested in you all's entries. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="wink.gif" />I'll post mine so you don't feel lonelySterl500 said:So anyone read that story I posted? After looking at all the entries so far (quite a bit are very good), I am getting nervous that no one has posted their Poetry/Writing entry (other than me).
A Call Center Christmas Wish
Santa when you make your list
and check it once, then twice
I beg you consider this request
before marking me "Not Nice".
I work in customer service
and every day I spend
Eight hours showing callers that I care
(or at least that's what I pretend.)
I spend all week in a small grey cube
in an aging rolling chair.
My headset tethers me to my desk
and leaves a weird part in my hair.
Now you may be thinking
"That sounds fine - how could you NOT be nice?"
But it's not that simple and here is why
I'd like that list checked THRICE.
I've been cursed at more than fifty times -
in spanish and french to boot.
And not once did I swear back at them
(without my phone on mute.)
I've been called a liar, and a thief
a douchebag and a pain.
I've been called ten different racial slurs -
impressive for a white guy from Maine.
Just please don't pay attention
to the things I say under my breath -
when I tell my customers to bite me
or plan their fiery death.
I'm sure you've seen me hang up on them
to get the final word.
And I guess it could have looked naughty
when I flipped my monitor the bird.
And yes it's true I do slack off
and browse the web during all my calls
except for GBATemp.net -
damn work firewall.
But Santa forgive me one more year
for being a slacker and a slob
and grant me my one christmas wish -
Please bring me a better job.
and check it once, then twice
I beg you consider this request
before marking me "Not Nice".
I work in customer service
and every day I spend
Eight hours showing callers that I care
(or at least that's what I pretend.)
I spend all week in a small grey cube
in an aging rolling chair.
My headset tethers me to my desk
and leaves a weird part in my hair.
Now you may be thinking
"That sounds fine - how could you NOT be nice?"
But it's not that simple and here is why
I'd like that list checked THRICE.
I've been cursed at more than fifty times -
in spanish and french to boot.
And not once did I swear back at them
(without my phone on mute.)
I've been called a liar, and a thief
a douchebag and a pain.
I've been called ten different racial slurs -
impressive for a white guy from Maine.
Just please don't pay attention
to the things I say under my breath -
when I tell my customers to bite me
or plan their fiery death.
I'm sure you've seen me hang up on them
to get the final word.
And I guess it could have looked naughty
when I flipped my monitor the bird.
And yes it's true I do slack off
and browse the web during all my calls
except for GBATemp.net -
damn work firewall.
But Santa forgive me one more year
for being a slacker and a slob
and grant me my one christmas wish -
Please bring me a better job.
I think I messed myself over though - I just realized my autotext put in an old website I used to write reviews for instead of gbatemp.net - guess I'll write a message to a mod and see if they can fix it
Thank you for the feedback, guys! I feel quite honored! And yeah, take away the creative liberties and how condensed it is, it's basically a true story. The girl in the mall is analogous to my childhood girlfriend, with whom I hope to be together in a definitive manner now.
n8littlefield, that was really well conceived!
You were pretty graceful in those rhymes, and funny also.
n8littlefield, that was really well conceived!
Well now that the competition is over and I no longer fear anyone stealing it, I'll post my entry in the forum.
I worked extremely hard to write it, though it was most enjoyable. I was feeling quite confident at first, but then I realised mine couldn't hold a candle to the creative, entertaining and in the case of MarkDarkness, heartwarming entries that have been posted already. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!
Written entirely by me.
Merry Tempmas, Everyone!
I worked extremely hard to write it, though it was most enjoyable. I was feeling quite confident at first, but then I realised mine couldn't hold a candle to the creative, entertaining and in the case of MarkDarkness, heartwarming entries that have been posted already. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!
Alas, 14 years old, and still writing to Santa?
But on top of my roof, his reindeers canter,
I hear this as I sit in the glow of my monitor
Seeing what's up with my friends on twitter.
Slowly, however, my attention strays,
As I remember a website through my memory's haze.
And then, it hits me, how could I forget?
the massive community of GBAtemp.net?
I open the portal to which I say hello,
An announcement written by Admin Costello.
"Come one, come all, to tempmas '09!
We're having competitions, for this festive time!"
So I sit, and I ponder, What am I to do?
My drawings are terrible, and my singing is too.
I have no video camera, so that leaves me but one option,
To create a poetic masterpiece, from a mental concoction.
So I open notepad, yet no inspiration strikes,
and my words are dull, and lacking in life.
Now my eyelids are drooping, I can't stay awake.
BANG! the door slams opens! not burglars! What is there to take?!?
As I peek round the corner, quaking with fear,
I see a figure, clad in red, with a massive beard.
This is no burglar! I shyly step out, and see he's holding only one gift.
He booms: "HO HO HO! I'm looking for Chris!"
Quietly I say: "here I am, are you who I think you are?"
He says: "I believe so, the Christmas Father."
"Now, I believe I have a gift for you, it's just here.
But first, let me see what you've got on the computer there."
"NO! you can't see that! It's a W.I.P!"
"Someone has to read it. Who better than me?"
So he sits down and begins to read.
When he finishes, he remarks "depressing, indeed."
Enraged, I begin to shout out.
"How dare you say that, I worked hard, there's no doubt!
And, the reasons I'm a good boy are all true!
Good grades, hard work, never been cruel. These are all good things. What say you?"
"Yes, yes," he sighs gravely.
"You're words, they do have potential, i see.
But what they are lacking is true Christmas spirit!
Some cheer to assist, to go along with it!"
So I cry: "well teach me! I'm a fast learner!"
But he slowly shook is head, he seemed close to laughter.
"Spirit is a special thing. It cannot be taught.
Nor can it be siphoned, or stolen or bought.
The only way to get it, you'll see in a jiff,
It's Christmas Spirit! It's recieved as a gift!
Now open that present, no doubt you'll see,
this is the last you'll ever need of me."
"No, Wait! Don't go!" but the gift's already opening.
And now, Santa's gone, I hoped he was joking...
And in the box, a snow globe, on it written "Happily Ever After"
In the distance I hear Santa's joy-filled laughter...
I'm awake! My head snaps up! My visions all blurred!
I didn't remember that dream, not even a word.
What I did learn though was true Christmas spirit.
Now, my poem, I could finally finish it.
Inspiration hit me, I knew exactly what to write!
"HAPPY TEMPMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!"
But on top of my roof, his reindeers canter,
I hear this as I sit in the glow of my monitor
Seeing what's up with my friends on twitter.
Slowly, however, my attention strays,
As I remember a website through my memory's haze.
And then, it hits me, how could I forget?
the massive community of GBAtemp.net?
I open the portal to which I say hello,
An announcement written by Admin Costello.
"Come one, come all, to tempmas '09!
We're having competitions, for this festive time!"
So I sit, and I ponder, What am I to do?
My drawings are terrible, and my singing is too.
I have no video camera, so that leaves me but one option,
To create a poetic masterpiece, from a mental concoction.
So I open notepad, yet no inspiration strikes,
and my words are dull, and lacking in life.
Now my eyelids are drooping, I can't stay awake.
BANG! the door slams opens! not burglars! What is there to take?!?
As I peek round the corner, quaking with fear,
I see a figure, clad in red, with a massive beard.
This is no burglar! I shyly step out, and see he's holding only one gift.
He booms: "HO HO HO! I'm looking for Chris!"
Quietly I say: "here I am, are you who I think you are?"
He says: "I believe so, the Christmas Father."
"Now, I believe I have a gift for you, it's just here.
But first, let me see what you've got on the computer there."
"NO! you can't see that! It's a W.I.P!"
"Someone has to read it. Who better than me?"
So he sits down and begins to read.
When he finishes, he remarks "depressing, indeed."
Enraged, I begin to shout out.
"How dare you say that, I worked hard, there's no doubt!
And, the reasons I'm a good boy are all true!
Good grades, hard work, never been cruel. These are all good things. What say you?"
"Yes, yes," he sighs gravely.
"You're words, they do have potential, i see.
But what they are lacking is true Christmas spirit!
Some cheer to assist, to go along with it!"
So I cry: "well teach me! I'm a fast learner!"
But he slowly shook is head, he seemed close to laughter.
"Spirit is a special thing. It cannot be taught.
Nor can it be siphoned, or stolen or bought.
The only way to get it, you'll see in a jiff,
It's Christmas Spirit! It's recieved as a gift!
Now open that present, no doubt you'll see,
this is the last you'll ever need of me."
"No, Wait! Don't go!" but the gift's already opening.
And now, Santa's gone, I hoped he was joking...
And in the box, a snow globe, on it written "Happily Ever After"
In the distance I hear Santa's joy-filled laughter...
I'm awake! My head snaps up! My visions all blurred!
I didn't remember that dream, not even a word.
What I did learn though was true Christmas spirit.
Now, my poem, I could finally finish it.
Inspiration hit me, I knew exactly what to write!
"HAPPY TEMPMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!"
Written entirely by me.
Merry Tempmas, Everyone!
Wow, we have so many lyrical geniuses here! I think the writing competition will be one of the hardest to judge because all of them are so good! (And that's only the ones that were posted here...There must be tons more!)
I'm not so confident in my art now that I saw your drawing. Damn it I really need a new DS Lite >_>
MegaAce™ said:
Mine has damaged top and bottom screens, buttons don't work properly, and there are two screw holes in the case from when someone tried screwing up my DS when I wasn't there.
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