I've had a relapse and things feel about the same

Porn is still an issue for me, it is a literal and palpable hell. It has been tormenting me and my biggest fear is people hating me or thinking less of me for giving it up, if that makes any sense. Right now, I'm being my own worst enemy, causing myself to fear irrationally on what will happen when I try to go cold turkey on viewing it, including Source Filmmaker and the like. What will people think of me? What will people do in response? The last thing I want is a falling out with anyone who knows me and when they find out I'm going cold turkey on porn, then what? I know these fears are completely and utterly unsubstantiated, but I still think on what they'll say. What I need to do is focus on more wholesome activities, such as taking RAW photos and editing them in Photoshop, and since I love taking pics of foxes and other adorable animals, I think it's a great whole activity. Photography brings many people, myself included, a lot of joy, Speaking of photos, I want to apologize for not keeping my fox thread up to date, I've been meaning to and I will try to keep it up to day, so, I apologize for that. Um I know I must sound pathetic, and I just don't know how else to word this, I hate this feeling, I hate the literal hell I'm in, this torment. I want to be free from this once and for all, and the first step is admitting I have an issue, the second being removing SFM and all pornographic materials from my PC, saving me countless GB's of space. I just want to thank you for all your support so far, I know I haven't been a good member and have been a pain in many members' side, but still, thank you.
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Comments

Fates-Blade-900
"even animals do it." Humans aren't animals though, so we shouldn't let what we want control what we do like animals do, if it isn't in accordance with Gods word if we want to do the right thing.
 
The Real Jdbye
@Fates-Blade-900 Actually, by definition humans are technically animals.
But that's not the point.
If God created animals, and animals masturbate, how can anyone claim that masturbation is bad according to religion?
 
Josshy0125
God also said not to get tattoos or wear clothing mixed with cotton and polyester or some shit. He also said homosexuality is bad. Trust me, if you believed in the Bible's teachings, youd be a sadistic murderer. The whole thing is just fake and ridiculous.
 
the_randomizer
Yes and no, but I didn't start this thread to have people bicker and slander those with religious beliefs. Take slander/bashing to the PMs or don't post on here at all. I wanted this to be civil, a safe spot for discussion, is that so much to ask? *Sigh* why the hell do I even bother...?
 
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Josshy0125
I think the negativity kind of sets you up for it. Not saying it's right, but by making statements such as, "i'll only say this one time!" and then others like, "sigh why do i even bother", you're kind of inviting that kind of negativity. The blatant "I'm in charge, do as I say or you're done!" mentality, especially coupled with the "woe is me" mentality makes you an easy target for those kind of arguments. Again, not saying it's right, but that may be why it's happening.
 
Fates-Blade-900
I second Randomizer's comment if you have something to say to me about religion send a PM, and I will answer it to the best of my ability and as soon as I can, also I should have said according to the Bible, humans aren't animals, I know of course man says they are, this blog isn't about debating beliefs.
 
the_randomizer
I did not create this blog to debate interpretations of the Bible, or any other religious text. This is NOT what I made this for. I made this to vent and explain what's going on, how I tackle through my issues, not to discuss religion. If people can't respect my wishes, don't bother posting on here at all, please, it's not productive and helps no one.
 
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Benja81
@the_randomizer you are completely normal don't worry, for an addict it sounds like. You may also have a higher sex drive/libido than others. If you do have both of those things, then think of it this way and while it wont make the addiction any easier per se, it might help you to stop beating yourself up. I've struggled with it before too and being from a Christian background, the culture makes you feel guilty for these things, which was tormenting for me in younger days too. I have read that when you are looking for porn online or downloading it, your brain releases the same amount of dopamine as a drug addict in process of scoring a fix. If you are an addict, then you will naturally be drawn to these releases for whatever reason. If you have a high libido, you can even experience this feeling more often than others too, making it easier to relapse. None of this is your fault, worst thing you can do is beat yourself up for it, which just lends itself to the cycle of guilt and then relapse. You may do yourself the biggest favor by attending a group for sex addicts or even a personal therapist so you can talk about why you are addicted to sex/porn, why you beat yourself up for it, and how you can channel sexual energy in a more fulfilling way.
 
HarveyHouston
@the_randomizer I know the feeling. I went through something similar in my own blog. Sheesh! Some people like to offer opinions as fact too much...
 
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aykay55
@the_randomizer i truly apologize for starting that, I didn’t mean to. Let’s please change the subject guys.
 

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