I need some help, some support, or something. I'm about to lose it.

[ComeTurismO]

Uh-oh. Hearing that was a huge pain in the eye. I don't really find your 'wife' a good mother. You can understand why. I suggest you take legal action and pile up evidence against her.
But listen man, you're not alone. I care about you. Hearing about your father's death was an awful thing to hear about. After this with your wife business, oh.my.god.

I mean, what I'm going through is awful. My dad, who was physically, and emotionally abusive was a pain just like your wife. There is a long story to tell, but no I'm not going there.
He got married to another woman, and did the same shit to that woman who has a child from my dad got divorced 4 times, and it turned 5 times from my father. They got married again, long story again, but they are bitches. I then found out that when my mom had to go to Pakistan in 2011 to explain to the village for justice of his abusiveness, he tried to kill her as well as my sister who went. He almost killed my two uncles and it failed.
Right now legal action is being taken, and stuff in Pakistan, done by my family over there.

But I am bringing this up to your situation is because the legal action WE are taking with 110% evidence are bringing so many people to justice. 6 of my family, and I don't know 40-50 people in my family, lol..
Try piling the evidence and show it to your cops cause you do have rights to visit your children, and with that woman who is being a cheating idiot, she'll get into her senses and I'm sure that you have rights.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I have no rights to see my children anymore because my wife said that I spanked my daughter, which is true and is legal in my state. I have no visitation rights.

I honestly don't even want to fight anythign with her. I don't dare go and file for divorce or a separation. I don't want to be the one pushing this even further. I don't want to break up my family. Yes, I understand that I need to protect myself and worry about myself first, but I just can't go through with it. I took an oath to never give up on her, and I will take that to my death unless she legally makes it so I can't. I am a man of my word and I never lie or go back on a promise.

 

[Maxternal]

wow
that is very noble of you
It's refreshing to see someone with such strong family values in this day and age. If only your wife had a DROP of that dedication and selflessness ...

Anyway, not sure what to say but, man, you are morally between a rock and a hard place there, and that can't be fun either.

 

[Walker D]

I don't dare go and file for divorce or a separation. I don't want to be the one pushing this even further. I don't want to break up my family. (...) I took an oath to never give up on her, and I will take that to my death unless she legally makes it so I can't. I am a man of my word and I never lie or go back on a promise.

Now my opinions:

First, a ruff example .."I promised to myself to kill all rabbits cause they are evil ...I know that now that I'm older I see that they are kinda normal, but I'm a man" no promises will be broken on this house" ...as you can see, promises are made cause we are confident that they point to the right direction. But life can teach us that this direction is not that right as we thought ...there's no shame to broke a promise like that ...actually, you need to be a real man, so to speak to have the courage to change your promises like that.
I see your case as being similar ....live is showing you by A Lot of ways that this path is not the best ...and you need to have the courage to change your promises about it. Promises sometimes makes us a bit ...stubborn about following them ..is common. But this is a important point in your life and you Need to stop a bit ...think really carefully about this change that you are being presented about. It's important.

After you calmed down and thought about all I said, you will need to try to see all that's happening from a 3rd person perspective ..then try to understand better what all this things means, avoiding being tendentious and see the relevance of other options, besides the ones you have already taken in the past or promises that you are already following (It could take some days or weeks to do so ...but keep trying to question you about how relevant is your promises and what's best for your future ...and especially what's best for your sons and your wife. Try thinking about what's best for them as human bins ..or friends ...not as much as sons and wife at this point ...this way you avoid a bit the father's protective impulse.... that's also important cause, the best option for them can maybe be the case where you are not all together as before ...and you need to think about that as frank as possible.. May be difficult, but you have to try...use you days to form a strong foundation of your next actions... keep it up, and think wisely.

I noticed that maybe you feel the need to be strong as a man and as a father ..never looking back or breaking promises (I'm exaggerating a bit intentionally ) ...but what I think is: The real strength of a man is based on humility. Always be humble when thinking about important things like this ...and mold your decisions firmly around that. Your sons will be proud of you in the future if you do that, I'm sure.

Try to avoid stubbornness as much as you can. It's hard to know when we are being stubborn in many cases, but practice being humble and not putting yourself over others when reviewing your thoughts. And try that over and over again.. if so, solutions will appear to you.

I tried to point out some important things ...think about it. And if separation is the right thing to do, that you have the courage to do so ...that way, you would not be pushing this even further ...but putting a end to the unnecessary suffering, and starting a new path as a family (it would not mean that you will not be a family anymore).
think about it

 

[gamefan5]

For months my wife has been calling me a n!gger, faggot, piece of shit, asshole, dick (because my dads name is Dick), and just such horrible things. It was an everyday thing. If the slightest thing made her upset then she would go off with all the insults again. I refrained from calling her names and I would politely ask her to stop even though I was raging inside. Worst of all is that she would do it in front of my children, and she would SCREAM so the neighborhood could here her, and then start slamming doors even though our landlords lived below us.

That insult made me cringe (since I am black.)
Goddamn, I cannot believe you're enduring this everyday. But my question is... what exactly did you even do to her (before the slapping)
to make her behave that way? WTF?

 

[PityOnU]

For months my wife has been calling me a n!gger, faggot, piece of shit, asshole, dick (because my dads name is Dick), and just such horrible things. It was an everyday thing. If the slightest thing made her upset then she would go off with all the insults again. I refrained from calling her names and I would politely ask her to stop even though I was raging inside. Worst of all is that she would do it in front of my children, and she would SCREAM so the neighborhood could here her, and then start slamming doors even though our landlords lived below us.

Then when she was in a good mood she would tell me that she's doing this with other men bc I don't tell her sweet nothings all the time. First off, I would tell her that I loved her, I would tell her she is beautiful even though she is a little bigger of a woman, and I would thank her for the food she cooked and I would always beg to spend time with her. But even with those things that I was doing, how the fuck can she expect me to even want to say nice things to her when she is constantly putting me down and trashing me? I don't get it.

Maybe this is her midlife crisis. Maybe having 2 autistic children and a husband who has aspergers was finally too much for her.

Yes, I have a short tolerance for her constant stupidity and lack of common sense, but it's not like I was yelling at her or insulting her, I would just give a short and snappy response, but I have been working hard on that and I have been trying to better myself.

I honestly feel that she is using me as her excuse for her not being happy. I mean hell, she is an alcoholic, will smoke pot at every chance, will pop pills when they are around, calls my friends and begs them for pot saying that I needed it bc I was depressed but I was asleep and did not find out about it until days later when my friend would ask about it. I seriously don't get whats going on in her head.

She would tell me on a regular basis that her and the kids would be better off without me. She even had told me on a few occasions that I should just kill myself and get it over with. What a loving and supportive wife I have here.

And yet, I still want to fix things. I still love her. I am still wearing my wedding ring. Nice guys finish last.

For the record, my parents divorced a number of years back, and I turned out just fine. I maintained a close relationship with my father until his death last year, and I now live with my mother and help her around the house. No regrets here.

For me, having to live in a house with two people who were always at each other's throats was much worse than learning how to deal with a split-up family. As you are saying, having huge, loud, and angry fights in front of your kids isn't really the most awesome thing, especially when it happens on a daily basis.

The biggest adjustment was learning how to act when around each of my parents separately, as they would still quite often put the other one down, making me feel as if I was being played by one side versus another. It was only really bad right afterwards, though, and cleared up much more over time.

Relationships are complicated things, and I truly believe that no one can give you any sort of meaningful advice on what to do outside of yourself, as only you know the full and subtle details of the situation. From life experience, though, forcing a relationship to continue when it is clearly falling apart - no matter the reasoning behind the desire - is always a horrible idea and never works out. There will always be rough patches, but when they stop being patches and are just generally rough, it's time to call it quits.

Life finds a way, and people (including you) will move on, no matter how much they were previously attached to you or vice versa.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Thanks Walker. And just to correct you, both of my autistic children are girls. Minor detail, but it is what makes me hurt and pain for them so much more because I love them. My younger one was just finally starting to get close to me where she wanted to cuddle with me. She used to be a mommy's girl, but she opened up to me and would ask me to cuddle with her and stay with her, and now I can't do that.

One thing that has hurt me the most is that I love my girls and I love to cuddle with them and hold them and be close to them. I cherish that. It means the world to me to hold my baby's close. And with them being autistic, they need much more love than a typical child because they feel so hurt and turned down by the world and other kids at school. They need the love.

My wife had the fucking guts to dare call me a pedophile because I enjoy being close to my kids. She said that for the first time about 3-4 years ago and I just lost it on her. Like as if I would ever fucking do anything to harm my children. I am one of the most protective parents out there. If it wasn't for me, my wife's stupidity and selfishness would have caused my children to get more hurt if not killed because she is just honestly so air-headed and brainless to not think about what might happen in a situation.

And me having aspergers, I have a desire for love and a need to nurture and feel nurtured. Just even the thought of being a fucking pervert disgusts me. I could never do that to my girls. But my wife, when trying to be as hurtful as possible will say things like that just to tear me down.

No, I am not a pedophile, I am not black, and I am not gay (although at this moment I wish I could be at this point). She just wants to hurt me.

Maybe it was because she was sexually abused and physically abused when she was a child. IDK. I can't wrap my head around what is so wrong.

It was shortly after she became pregnant with our first child, she started showing her true colors with her temper and getting physical with me. She would come an attack me while she was pregnant.

One day in the car, I was driving and we were arguing over something stupid and she grabbed the steering wheel and caused us to spin out on a major through-way... with a fucking mack truck behind us that nearly clipped us and could have killed us all. Yes, I understand that when women are pregnant they don't think too clearly because of hormones, but there is a line that has no excuse for being crossed. She should have controlled herself, just like I should have controlled myself and not slapped her. But she blames me for everything as if she has no control over her actions bc of something she got pissed off about.

And hell, I have witnesses that saw her blow up and swearing and throwing things over something so stupid as that I drank some water that I, ME, boiled. She lost it. Completely out of control. My friend was so worried that he offered me to stay the night with him because he knew that it was going to turn into a multi day event that I'm an asshole for drinking fucking water. He could not believe the way she acted, and the whole time I was just trying to satisfy her and make things better and doing anything I could to calm her down. My buddy was even trying to get her to relax.

So no, it is not me being an abusive prick over one slap.

I can't wait to have a fucking heart attack.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Spoiler

For the record, my parents divorced a number of years back, and I turned out just fine. I maintained a close relationship with my father until his death last year, and I now live with my mother and help her around the house. No regrets here.

For me, having to live in a house with two people who were always at each other's throats was much worse than learning how to deal with a split-up family. As you are saying, having huge, loud, and angry fights in front of your kids isn't really the most awesome thing, especially when it happens on a daily basis.

The biggest adjustment was learning how to act when around each of my parents separately, as they would still quite often put the other one down, making me feel as if I was being played by one side versus another. It was only really bad right afterwards, though, and cleared up much more over time.

Relationships are complicated things, and I truly believe that no one can give you any sort of meaningful advice on what to do outside of yourself, as only you know the full and subtle details of the situation. From life experience, though, forcing a relationship to continue when it is clearly falling apart - no matter the reasoning behind the desire - is always a horrible idea and never works out. There will always be rough patches, but when they stop being patches and are just generally rough, it's time to call it quits.

Life finds a way, and people (including you) will move on, no matter how much they were previously attached to you or vice versa.

I can't give up. My children NEED me in their lives. I need to fight for them and for this whole family. Even if it still falls apart then I can walk out on top knowing that I did everything that I could and never gave up. They will respect me more in the long term and know how much of a c*nt their mother was for pushing daddy away.

That insult made me cringe (since I am black.)
Goddamn, I cannot believe you're enduring this everyday. But my question is... what exactly did you even do to her (before the slapping)
to make her behave that way? WTF?

Before we got married, I cheated on her with her best friend. She did not need to catch me because I came out with full guilt about it. This was 2 years before we got married. If that should be her ammo for today then she should have never married me is she was not willing to let it go.

Honestly, for all my actions, I deserve everything that I get. I am less than a worthy person because I have my faults.

 

[K3Nv2]

Just remember theres always more to life than a bitch.

 

[JoostinOnline]

I hope you are considering what I said, Foez.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I hope you are considering what I said, Foez.

Refresh my memory because you have said many things to me.

Feel free to call me. You're one of the few that I feel TRULY does care.

No offense to everyone else spending their free time to talk to me and help me, but Joostin is on a personal level with me. I am greatly appreciative of everythign that you all are doing for me. It does help make me a little stronger, but I have a hard road to climb up from this despair.

 

[JoostinOnline]

Refresh my memory because you have said many things to me.

Feel free to call me. You're one of the few that I feel TRULY does care.

No offense to everyone else spending their free time to talk to me and help me, but Joostin is on a personal level with me

Read the second and third paragraphs of this post. And yes, I do care.

 

[The Milkman]

Im not going to say I care about the personal details of your life and such, not that I don't care enough not to offer up my condolences, but I am going to say your wife sounds pretty damn shit to begin with.

First off, fucking Craigslist? That's where you go looking for a couch, here and there some more personal things like a date or something. But just fucking? That's sad.

Also, you got a shitload more patience then I have man. If she was talking shit as often as you say, that slap was a long time coming. But, as far as official matters, your going to want to make sure if that has to be known, it has to be known that's ALL it was. If you don't, she might pull some shit where she says this has occurred on multiple occasions and go for full custody of the kids, or worse. I would also try to keep your incident with the ex on the hush too.

As much as I would like to be on your side all the way. You also gotta look in the mirror. Some people act like cruel idiots for no reason, but not as often as we would like to think. Even if its not you, it could be something with her past experiences. But it could just be her being a bitch.

Either way, good luck man. Nothing sucks more then loosing your kids, and the same goes for them loosing their father.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Thank you Joostin. Just even hearing another voice is great at this point because lately I have primarily just seen my sister. I wish I had more guests.

I will offer this up to anyone who is up for chatting. I promise I will not bitch about my life the whole time. I just need to hear voices other than myself and my sister. Whoever is willing o spend some time on the phone, my number is 978-233-1881, in the US.

I warn you all, my service here SUCKS and it does just cut off randomly or my phone will take 5 minutes to restart from a kernel crash. I'm not hanging up on you, my phone just sucks.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

What sucks the most is that my good friends are starting to become overwhelmed with all my drama in my life. XFlak has heard a lot, and I don't blame him if he feels the need to distance himself because it is overwhelming. None of this is anyone else's problems but my own. I have burdened friends with this bullshit. It has taken a toll on them too. I now am afraid to talk with my friends as if they will get tired of it too. It's not like I can help this at this point.

In the end, the only people who will stay caring are the ones getting paid to care.

Honestly, I feel bad for XFlak having to deal with this shit. It's not his problem, and I love the guy and I don't want him to stress over my issues.

I feel as if everywhere I turn, someone is hurt or bothered by my actions.

God, just kill me now and stop making me suffer in your cruel game.

 

[JoostinOnline]

In the end, the only people who will stay caring are the ones getting paid to care.

You shouldn't downplay therapy because it's their job.

 

[Walker D]

Yeah ..I see that you are kind of blind in a crazy cloud of problems.. ...the thing is, you need to get out of that cloud ..stop re-suffering past events ...try not to view past problems that only have a bad effect on you and don't bring nothing good to the table.

It's time to focus ...avoid all the emotional cloud; is not easy to do so (and as I said, you probably will need to insist on it for some days) ..then, try the things that I said on the other post ...I'm sure it can help you (read that post as much as needed ....it's time to force yourself to this attitudes.. don't take the easy/impulsive way when thinking and trying to find solutions ...even difficult, is what you need to insist on.

Good luck in your next steps man ...this is a important part of your life ..hope you do your best

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I feel as if I must clarify my statement regardign XFlak because I feel that it could be taken the wrong way.

XFlak has been my greatest friend that I have ever had. He has helped me morally and financially many times throughout the years that we have known each other. He is a great person.

After my wife had me admitted, I talked to him while I was in the hospital and he told me that he was about to suggest that I get some therapy or grief counseling. XFlak has been there for me, unconditionally, more than my wife has. XFlak has offered me to go up to his house in Canada, and even pay for my way and help me however he can. He has truly been a wonderful great friend.

I understand that all these problems that i've gone through over this many years can take a toll on someone, and it has affected him also. He does go to work and worry about me, wondering if I will be dead or alive next time he tries to call. He has been there for me always. Even when he has felt that it is starting to emotionally take a toll on himself, he is still there for me.

I don't want to continue being a pester or a bother or someone who needs constant care from my best friend. I want him to be happy too. I can honestly say that I love the guy. It pains me to know that my issues affect him on his personal life.

No one should walk away feeling stressed over what I am going through. I am feel bad that I have become a burden to so many other people, people who care about me, and people who try their best.

XFlak, please don't feel as if I was trying to say anything bad about you. I love you man. Thank you for being everything that you are. You have done so much to be a GREAT friend that I could never repay you for.

My words don't always come out exactly as I intend, but I know that you understand my shortcomings.


Now I feel like horrible shit because I might have said something that could be taken the wrong way.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

You shouldn't downplay therapy because it's their job.

My last therapist would doze off while he was with me. He was tired of his job.

 

[DinohScene]

Deadly, I wish I could call you to lift your spirit a lil.
Unfortunately I can't :c
Stupid phone of mine is also shit >_>

Anyway, I always looked up to you!
Jealous of your soldering skills! and it's been an honor to help you twice with the 360 problems you had.
You're one awesome lad!
It's just such a shame that you have to put up with this rubbish.
I really hope that everything works out quickly for you and you get to see your kids 24/7!

You'd prolly think meh, whatever or crack a small smile.
I'm not really good at comforting people or making them feel good in bad situations tho.
But anyway I hope that it lifts your spirit a bit c: