I need some help, some support, or something. I'm about to lose it.

[DeadlyFoez]

So I just met Michele's children today. They were great. I had a good time with them. We went on a little hike, then went to a playground, then got pizza and came back to my house. She is extremely impressive with the way she handles children. Tomorrow Michele is coming over by herself. Yay!!

 

[ComeTurismO]

You know what, I think you should make that relief breath. Take a deep breath, and smile. Whatever storms and shit approached into your life are gone. It sounds like that woman is your joy. Your children's joy. She certainly sounds like a good woman in every way, I'm just happy for you man!

 

[sporkonomix]

You shouldn't have hit her - it's a woman. No matter how she acts, unless she threatens your life directly, AKA, knife or gun in hand with clear murderous intent, you shouldn't hit her, ever. That being said, she shouldn't whore around, no matter the circumstances.

I think it'd be best if you two went your separate ways and after things cool off a bit, figure out a schedule for taking care of the kids that'd suit both of you.

You have to sort this out amicably - waging wars doesn't just hurt you and her, it takes a toll on the kids who did nothing wrong. Let them have their daddy and their mommy, not just conflict.

I don't think you're doing anyone a favor by saying it's not okay to hit women. That's a sexist double-standard that belongs in the 20th century. If we're gonna make a statement about violence, one shouldn't hit anyone. Women aren't magical or special; they're human just like men.

Otherwise I'm completely on-board. I hope the guy gets through this situation.

 

[Foxi4]

I don't think you're doing anyone a favor by saying it's not okay to hit women. That's a sexist double-standard that belongs in the 20th century. If we're gonna make a statement about violence, one shouldn't hit anyone. Women aren't magical or special; they're human just like men.

Otherwise I'm completely on-board. I hope the guy gets through this situation.

That's not what I meant at all and it's hardly sexist - I'd rather say that I'm a realist. In 9 out of 10 cases, a man is going to be both bigger and stronger than a woman, not to mention more well-versed in "fighting" - that's simply how we're naturally engineered as a species.

I agree that violence of any kind against your partner is wrong, regardless of gender, but we have to take into account that a man is more likely to actually cause harm to the other party. Adding to that, testosterone and adrenaline alone can cause quite a whirl in a man's head, which is why I'm underlining that a gentleman has to keep his head cool even more so than a lady.

Just on the side note, treating everybody exactly the same isn't equality - equality is when you treat everybody appopriately to their capabilities, giving everybody the same "chances".

Take a 4 meter wall for example. There's Jimmy and Bimmy - Jimmy is 2 meters tall and Bimmy only 1 meter tall. If you give them both 2 meter ladders, Jimmy has fair chances of getting over the wall, but Bimmy doesn't - he's too short. They need to get a ladder appropriate to their height so that they can both get over the wall - that's equality.

//rant

 

[sporkonomix]

That's not what I meant at all and it's hardly sexist - I'd rather say that I'm a realist. In 9 out of 10 cases, a man is going to be both bigger and stronger than a woman, not to mention more well-versed in "fighting" - that's simply how we're naturally engineered as a species.

I agree that violence of any kind against your partner is wrong, regardless of gender, but we have to take into account that a man is more likely to actually cause harm to the other party. Adding to that, testosterone and adrenaline alone can cause quite a whirl in a man's head, which is why I'm underlining that a gentleman has to keep his head cool even more so than a lady.

Just on the side note, treating everybody exactly the same isn't equality - equality is when you treat everybody appopriately to their capabilities, giving everybody the same "chances".

Take a 4 meter wall for example. There's Jimmy and Bimmy - Jimmy is 2 meters tall and Bimmy only 1 meter tall. If you give them both 2 meter ladders, Jimmy has fair chances of getting over the wall, but Bimmy doesn't - he's too short. They need to get a ladder appropriate to their height so that they can both get over the wall - that's equality.

//rant

According to that logic, you're saying men don't deserve equal protection from violence, even though a sizable part of the male population isn't built or capable of severely hurting others. Also note that hormones have little to do with strength; that lies exclusively in the land of exercise and lifestyle. Women also have adrenaline rushes, which cause bursts of energy and strength. There is woman-on-man brutality out there, as well. There is no defending the closeminded idea that women are somehow beneath men physically and more deserving of protection. They are our equals.

If you're going to base it on physical ability, then that's what you should focus on. One's sex doesn't determine their physical ability. Their height, bone and muscle density, and lifestyle do. Case in point: A woman who works out or exercises a lot could kick the average beer-drinking, lazy football watching guy's ass. She may have a disadvantage due solely to body size, but that's true of a male-on-male fight as well. Why are women a special case?

There are numerous states that have laws against male-on-female violence and exceptions on men claiming self-defense, stating that in order for a man to legally protect himself from a female's assault, he must permit her to hit him 3 times after exhausting all options to exit the situation. This is regardless of whether she is holding a weapon or not. So in the eyes of the law, a woman can hit a man up to 3 times with a baseball bat or a knife or some other weapon before he's allowed to defend himself. There are no such limitations in place for women. A woman doesn't even have to be *touched* to claim assault! She's automatically assumed the victim.

Tell me, on what planet is that equal? Sex should never enter the equation when it comes to violence. It's not acceptable at all, and everyone deserves the right to defend themselves, regardless of their attacker's sex. Live in the past if you want, but your ideas will be pointed out for their obsolescence.

 

[Foxi4]

*Snip!*

We're talking about statistics here, mister. Like I said, both sexes deserve to be protected against violence - violence is never right. What I also said was that a big part of being a gentleman is not stooping so low as to hit a woman, not letting emotions control you and keeping a cool head because the recipient of my message was a man which is why I was addressing men.

You're taking what I'm saying completely out of context and overblowing it out of proportion - of course there are going to be cases where the man is frail and the woman is a true hulk, but those are hardly the majority.

Live in your crooked vision of a future if you want, but your lack of attention to what differentiates people and lack of taking those differences into account by putting everyone in the same basket will be pointed out as a utopian fallacy.

I agree that the state laws you mentioned are hardly fair, especially when you put weaponry into the equation (since you don't really need a lot of strength to do harm to another person when armed), however that is not the case I was referring to - I was talking about the average man versus average woman case, and in such a scenario, the woman is at a disadvantage by proxy.

 

[sporkonomix]

Is a man hitting a man better than hitting a woman?

We agree that it's good to stay calm, but applying different logic depending on the sex of the victim is crazy and discriminatory.

 

[Foxi4]

Is a man hitting a man better than hitting a woman?

No, it's equally wrong, I thought we've established that.

We agree that it's good to stay calm, but applying different logic depending on the sex of the victim is crazy and discriminatory.

I'm not applying different logic - violence is always wrong. What I was saying was that gentlemen should keep their heads cool, that's a part of being a gentleman - never raising your hand against your partner unless you're literally protecting your life.

What I also said was that men are (on average) more likely to be agressive (way more active adrenal gland, higher amount testosterone), and can (on average) cause their female companion serious harm without even intending to do so as the female companion is (on average) much weaker than they are.

 

[sporkonomix]

What good are the averages when individual circumstances are what dictate the perspective on a case-by-case basis? Why separate on sex lines instead of size or build lines? Regardless of whether men are on average bigger or stronger than women, if the viewpoint is expanded to view is as a body-size and strength disparity, both sexes are accounted for and protected from those stronger than them. Not just one. Unless of course we believe that men don't deserve legal protection from violence... Claiming that men are more likely to be aggressive is the same as saying men are more likely to hit others and, through extrapolation, should be considered more dangerous. Surely I don't have to explain why that statement is harmful. The social implications of this statement are immense, and are a big part of why our violence laws are so myopic and simplistic.

The reason this bugs me is it propagates a cultural belief that *all* women are weaker than *all* men and *all* men are in the wrong for hitting women (regardless of circumstance) and *all* women are meek, demure things that couldn't possibly enact violence against others! It's a flawed cultural belief and I work to see it dispelled.

In this particular scenario, we have no clue if he's bigger than her, or if so, by how much. We have no clue if she was armed, we have no clue of pretty much any detail that would sway our viewpoint beyond "You probably shouldn't hit people." Despite the fact that we have "average" data to use as a preliminary judgment, I think averages really don't do situations like this any justice and only serve to simplify people's thinking.

 

[Vengenceonu]

Foxi4 sporkonomix

This thread isnt about petty arguments about the rights or lack thereof of women in society. Its about helping a friend through hard times with support and helping him get his life together.

 

[sporkonomix]

It's not petty, and not helpful to the guy to tell him he shouldn't have hit her because she's a woman. He shouldn't have hit her simply because it escalated things and made them worse.

Regardless, seems like he's having fun with this new girl. OP, are you gonna try to see your kids again soon? I hope you're able to.

 

[Foxi4]

Foxi4 sporkonomix

This thread isnt about petty arguments about the rights or lack thereof of women in society. Its about helping a friend through hard times with support and helping him get his life together.

You're absolutely correct, I profusely apologize for my misconduct.

 

[calmwaters]

I was hoping for an update from him. Oh well; he seems to be happy, judging from his last post.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Things are going great. I've spent some great time with Michele. She gets to stay the night every Wednesday. She is such a great woman and I am so glad I met her. I was afraid that I would never find another woman, but to my amazement, she absolutely loves me, and I must say that I am falling for her too.

I go to court tomorrow to find out about visitation. Hopefully I will be granted full custody and the ex will only get visitation because she is really not capable of being a responsible parent.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

I FILED FOR THE DIVORCE TODAY!!
Now it is time for us all to party!!! YAY!!

 

[Vengenceonu]

 

[DeadlyFoez]

YAY!!! I get to see Michele tonight.

I must say, it is great to feel happy once again. It's been way too long. I only wish my father was still around so he could have met Michele. He would have absolutely adored her.

 

[VashTS]

wow this thread has take a positive turn! good shit foez!!! happy to hear you are doing better.

congrats on everything d00d

 

[ComeTurismO]

OMG! I'm so happy for you. The sorrows that appeared have gone, and now the sorrow causers are weeping. Your time is over to cry.

 

[DeadlyFoez]

Thank you everyone for your support. I greatly appreciate everyone being there for me in these past couple of months. It means a lot to me.

I haven't been this happy in the longest time. For the past 2 weeks I've had a nonstop smile on my face. Almost nothing can bring me down at this point. Although it is my daughters birthday tomorrow, I know I will be able to see her real soon so that is a relief. I will likely be given weekend visitation and be able to bring them to their therapy during the week. I am going to fight for primary custody because the children certainly are better off with me at this moment since my ex can't properly care for them with her financial, drinking, pot, and health problems.

Too bad I'm not fully in the clear. I've been trying to find work and I have been rather unsuccessful at this point which really sucks because we have almost nothing left for oil in our tank and the house is getting freaking cold at night. So I've had to cut my showers down to just twice a week.