Several things. I've already in the past, stated that I grew up in a racist house hold. But a lot of things surrounding my life resulted in me becoming political.
For the racism part, I had to decide between my mother being infallable/or at least, believe that what she was saying was true. Or believe what my eyes were showing me (disproving what my mother said) For a time, I spouted the same things, mocking how mexicans speak, followed by the rehetroic of "they should know English" Over time, the two conflicting concepts resulted in me having to do confront it. In which I decided to be for my friend. Because it was hypocritical of me, to be mocking or being antagonistic to his people, let alone, believe that he wiped his ass with his hand when he clearly had toilet paper at home when I visited him
Then 2008 happened. I don't have a strong memory of it, as I was nine at the time. What I do know however, is that finances got far more messy.
My grandparents themselves, and what my stepfather's family did to them, was another part of my politics. My grandparents lived in essentially dead end jobs. It's not like they didn't want to do better jobs. But, rather, there was nothing around us. They struggled to keep food, or fix the mobile home they lived in. As it was rotting, the heating in the living room area was completely not functioning. and parts of the ceiling was partially caved in. They were doing the best they could. My grandfather was a veitnam war vet, purple heart. He never talked about it with me, and he took his experinces to his grave.
Meanwhile, my stepfather's side of the family, who could own two homes post 2008, they partied often, they got to do things they wanted to do. They got drunk often and had beers. One thanksgiving, it was arranged to have thanksgiving at my grandparents place, with my stepfathers family side visiting. It resulted in conflict. With my stepfather's family telling them to "just work harder" as if they choose to live in the conditions they did, leaving that thanksgiving. My grandfather would constantly teach me about work ethic. I remember how rarely I would be able to see them. Since even with the heat not working, I'd rather experince a lot of cold, and the tiny small space, than live at my stepfather, who could explode on me at any moment.
Then my life was turned upside down entirely around 2016. First off, my stepfather was homephobic towards my mom's friend. He got angry that my mom didn't stay at the house anymore. Since every day, my stepfather would call her, and even go as far as to check her gas millage on her car. He didn't want her to visit friends, it was stupid, and insane. A lot of other bubbling things like how I was constantly abused by him. Resulted in a burst one night, my mom defending me from him, and my mom and I was kicked out of the house.
Before meeting my stepfather, my mom and I would rarely see each other. She had to put me in daycare, while she went to work. I'd learned by around the age of 5 how to make eggs, cereal and toast by my own at that point. Even cook some other basic things. She would come home exhausted, working for a one bedroom apartment. She did everything she could to keep a roof over our heads. But her best, wasn't enough for the world. Even though she worked two jobs.
during 2016, gamer gate happened. And whole "SJW's are out to destory games. and trans people bad" came into the picture. I was briefly pulled into the alt right. And to be fair to myself. I couldn't think straight. My grandfather died of a heart attack infront of my eyes. Something that my mom and I spotted the signs of possibly happen 6 months earlier. He died by totally preventable causes. But the reality is? He probably couldn't pay to prevent it. He died at 53.
Around 2017 is when I get my first tug that something was truly off. And that started with net neutrality. Since the internet had and always had been my friend. Even if I didn't make a whole lot of friends at school, and was constantly bullied, and crying out for the school system to help. I could always look to online, and make friends there. Which I did. I care about it, so when I learned net neutrality was going to be gutted. I learned that whatever "anti corporate" stance trump was on, was just off. Around 2018, I lost a friendship due to less than... savory jokes. At that time, I also was realizing that I wasn't entirely straight. I still liked women, but. I also like men. Something that I was struggling to come to terms with for a long while.
By 2019, I realized I had fallen into the same trap with trans people as I did with Mexicans. Assumed malice, without actually investigating malice yourself. I befriended a few trans people. and I learned that pretty much all my fears were just wrong. After this point, I was mostly back to being a liberal. However, that year, I learned that a friend and I's interest aligned, and grew close enough to being romantic. We opened up to each other, and learned we had a lot more in common than we thought. As we discussed politics over the years from 2020, to even now. From both doing research, and them pointing me in a direction. I realized that this system, is doomed to fail. And it logically makes sense.
Meanwhile that same mess i was in before the alt right rabbit hole,Which turned fascist 2020, was getting more loud, and more angry, and more hateful, and a lot more violent.
At the end of the day. The system failed me, failed my mom, and failed my grandfather. I didn't even learn what mental disorders I had until 10. And that could of only happened, because my stepfather was closer to middle upper class and afford the healthcare for it. Than the rest of my biological family, who was essentially in poverty. It failed my grandfather since he never got to retire. Even though he did service to this country. And it failed my mother. She's still giving it her all, while dealing with her own mental problems too.
I don't think I have to explain to people, that when your mom is crying, and you have to hug her, and reaffirm to her. That something is just not right.
The stepfather? I would want to argue the system failed him too. The reason he was so cold, from what I could tell, was that, his parents where working all the time, and he was left home alone. Even though I hate what he did to me. I cannot call him a bad person, just tragic.
This system tears people apart, when we are a social species. Things are done so rigidly, that there is no room for the human aspect. Meanwhile those at the top. The true top. I despise. Since they have every mean to distribute wealth. every mean to put laws to help others but instead, they rather accumulate it and act out of self interest. And all I can think about is my life, playing 10 times over. Seeing that tragedy happen again, and again, and again, in countless other lives in some shape or form.
